After attending Jay-Z and Kanye West's Watch the Throne concert I remarked on Facebook that I enjoyed the show -- the feminist in me notwithstanding. Between the two of them there are plenty of lyrics that would make any self-respecting feminist cringe, but there is one song that some feminists may expect me to find offensive, yet I don't: the Kanye West hit "Gold Digger."
Let me clarify. It's not that I don't find the song offensive. It's just that I'm not nearly as offended by the lyrics as I am by the women that inspired them. Before my fellow feminists in cyberspace grab their pitchforks, let me start by saying I know not every woman is a gold digger. I just wish so many women out there would stop perpetuating the stereotype that most of us are. I was reminded of this when the media became obsessed with the latest celebrity babymama drama, this time starring teen heartthrob Justin Bieber. (Click here to see a list of the most high profile celebrity paternity cases.)
For starters, as I'm sure has already been stated by others, part of what's troubling about the case is that if the gender roles were reversed and a nineteen-year-old man had impregnated a sixteen-year-old girl I don't think everyone would have initially treated the matter as a boys-will-be-boys like joke.
But the equally disturbing issue is that Bieber's accuser follows a long line of women who not only use their sexuality to get ahead, but their wombs. The act of becoming pregnant on purpose with the goal of landing financial security has become viewed as such a common practice that it is regularly joked about whenever stories like this become public. Bloggers, commenters and commentators use language like "just became pregnant with eighteen years of security" or "she just hit the lotto" to describe women announced to be carrying the children of rich men, particularly men they were not in serious relationships with but will now be linked to, both personally and financially, for life. From Mick Jagger, to Hugh Grant and countless professional athletes, the notion these women (and the men involved), help perpetuate is that there is another option besides appearing on a reality show for those who don't want to work for a living. (And yes I consider parenting, at least being a good parent, the hardest job in the world, but you get my meaning.)
What's disconcerting is the message that the high profile stories of Bieber and other celebrities, combined with the success of programs like Basketball Wives, (which features few wives, but many women whose lives of luxury are bankrolled by the wealthy athletes they've had multiple children out of wedlock with) sends to girls everywhere: Why bother spending money on a college degree, when if you play your cards right and don't use a condom -- or poke holes in one -- you can be financially set for life. (Yes you read that right. As recounted to me by multiple aides, staffers and ex-girlfriends of professional athletes there are women who go to elaborate lengths to become pregnant by them. Poking holes in condoms is just the tip of the iceberg, no pun intended.)
As I made clear on The Dylan Ratigan Show, I'm not letting the men off the hook when it comes to their responsibility in situations like these. If a man truly doesn't want to be a father, he should take the precautions necessary not to become one. If he doesn't, then he's a fool. Any man who creates a baby has a responsibility to that child.
But a woman will always have more responsibility -- at least in the beginning. Why? Because ultimately it will always be our choice, as women (at least here in America) whether or not a baby ends up in this world. Any woman who disagrees with that statement is in essence disagreeing with the very premise of a woman's right to choose. After all, we fought long and hard to defend the mantra, "My body, my choice," something I will believe in and defend until the day I die. But if we are going to demand that men respect the mantra "My body, my choice," and if it is ultimately our choice and we want to protect the legal right to keep it ours and ours alone, then we can't turn around and blame someone else for the irresponsible choices we make with our bodies. We also can't get mad when someone calls us out for such choices. We simply can't have it both ways ladies.
I do believe feminism is about a woman's right to choose, but I also believe feminism is about taking responsibility for the choices that we make. Having unprotected sex with a wealthy stranger whom you then conveniently sue for a lot of money afterwards is not a brand of feminism in my book. Furthermore, women who make the choice to use their bodies to create children primarily for the purpose of financial gain, not only go against everything feminism stands for, but they go against the very idea of responsible parenting. Kids should not be created to be anyone's retirement package, whether your last name is Lohan, Jackson or Yeater (of Bieber fame.)
And as long as women are afraid to confront and challenge other women who embody the negative gender stereotypes we battle every day, they will continue to prevent the rest of us from achieving the progress and equality we desire and deserve.
So the next time you hear the song "Gold Digger," ladies try to reserve your outrage for the individual who actually deserves it. Not Kanye West, but whatever woman, or women, that inspired the song.
Keli Goff is the author of The GQ Candidate and a Contributing Editor for Loop21.com where this post originally appeared.
www.keligoff.com
Follow Keli Goff on Twitter: www.twitter.com/keligoff
The problem is, many unemployed men are not "willfully" unemployed, azy, nor uneducated. Read 'As jobless levels surge, alost generation?'
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/economy/economy-lab/daily-mix/as-jobless-levels-surge-a-lost-generation/article1889998/comments/ .
And this, from suresp77 - " I thought feminism was about a woman's right to choose, to find her own path unhindered by anything but her own ability."
No, suresp77, that's not what feminism intended. There are other people in this world besides you and your husband, and privileged companions.
Have you heard of the Occupy movement, or of Marc Lepine, who only wanted the opportunity to have a career, but was pushed out by women and their wealthy influential families. Pushed out, his reputation destroyed, the story of his life forgotten while those of 'feminists' became glorified.
See Montreal Massacre website http://montrealmassacre.homestead.com/index.html
Richbruin stated on Nov 15, 2011, "What about the far more typical gold digger that targets the doctors, lawyers, police and firemen?" What he was refering to was women who simply wanted to be pampered, not the other type that I mention here - women who marry in order to be part of a 2-professional-career family with 2 incomes.
Suresp77 responded to that, saying "Most women, myself included, look for professionÂal men to marry or be in relationshÂips with- for stability.. . children COST MONEY. Maternity leave COSTS MONEY, security COSTS MONEY " [capitals hers], adding later, "if they are educated professionÂals, they naturally gravitate to other educated professionÂals- and you can call it what you feel like- i call it basic standards, of yourself and in your spouse."
How much do you need, suresp77?
There is no 'stereotypical' gold digger. They come in all forms. Even feminists are 'gold diggers' if they are overly selective about who they marry, trying to get a man who can do the most for their career.
The woman – Mariah Yeater - you chose to discuss - on the same page as Kanye West’s song Gold Digger - has practically nothing to do with the kind of gold-digging he is singing about. You make it sound as though he created the song just for Justin’s situation. No doubt he created it because this has been typical female behaviour throughout history.
Women have always used their sexuality, unconsciously or intentionally, to find the best mate around. And as the song suggests, the idea is marriage, not primarily to get pregnant and then 'fight' to have the dad marry her. They don't want a fight. They might not even want children.
You missed the point on this one. Many women would fit this concept of gold digger. And yet you apply this label to a particular situation, to someone who isn't well off, nor making the best decisions. This is what is disturbing (and antifeminist), that you are so eager to run this woman down, and yet you are blind as to how it applies to your own life.
http://plaÂto.stanforÂd.edu/entrÂies/feminiÂsm-family/ .
It doesn't have all the answers, but it's better than getting into arguments consisting of, She's right, no she's not. This piece by Keli Goff is not organized well, has more than one main point, from which she strays, and also fails to clarify where she gets her ideas.
There are many good comments here, for instance on the meaning of 'gold diggers', a term which, by the way, has nothing to do with the writer's concern - Justin Bieber.
Take a minute to get past this line of comments following, to something that can actually add to this discussion.
What exactly is it you object to? Is it that this woman stood to make money from having his baby? Surrogate motherhood is a controversial topic, for sure, but that's not what this woman was doing. She wasbn't hired by Mr and Mrs Bieber to have their child.
Do you really think that this woman had a one-night stand with Justin Bieber for the purpose of getting pregnant, having his baby, and taking him to court? Do you think she was that conniving?
It always has been motherhood that has held women back. Not any more, of course. It's more about opportunities for women, and places at university avaiable for them, and whether there are enough careers to go around. But originally, men used the logic that since it was the woman cho gave birth to the child, she should be the one to raise it. Consequently, getting a good man to be a father and provider to them both was the woman's aim. Now, women still want a good provider, but most want a man without the old-fahioned ideas, who can help them develop their career.
The idea of responsible parenting has changed and is far more complex now. More on this topic (Feminist Perspectives on Reproduction and the Family) at
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminism-family/ .
I have a feeling you have a husband, or an ex. You speak as though taking responsibility is a matter of choice not that some parents simply cannot afford to do wthe right things for their kids.
There is no single point to Keli's piece, except to try to apply the term 'gold digger' to a situation which is not typical of gold diggers' behaviour. She also denies that many women's behaviour, including feminists, verges on 'gold digging'.
*RESPECT*
The song is all about sex and relationships. It's not about one-night stands or women like the one who tried to get money from Justin Bieber.
The only thing anything about gold diggers can teach us about feminism is that feminists also engage in seeking men with the most resources - that's for those that didn't know it. But a lot of people in this discussion dis already. This thing with Justin Bieber was something very different, and far more sinister, it seems.
It appears there may be a coverup about this situation with Justin Bieber. More than likely it will be handled in private, so we won't ever know whether he actually did anything with her, or whether she had a child and whether the child was his, and whether she made the whole thing up, or not.
But that's not the same as gold diggers anyway, who probably don't have sex secretly in a one-night stand, but openly enter a relationship with the man, hoping they will end up getting married, perhaps, and thus gain from it, financially or careerwise.
Read Alec Baldwin
What Occupy Wall Street Has Taught Me
Posted: 11/16/11 08:53 AM ET
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alec-baldwin/what-occupy-wall-street-h_b_1096920.html?ir=Celebrity
Marc Lepine tried to warn Canadians what was happening in our society. But feminists covered it up, and enlisted the help of their male colleagues (and 'equals') to keep their power base, shutting out competent men and women everywhere.
Montreal Massacre website http://montrealmassacre.homestead.com/index.html
What do Justin Bieber and Gold Diggers Can Teach Us About Feminism? I think they teach us how some inviduals and groups in society hgave more than their fair share, and how the left are kept struggling for their existence.
As a side issue, as well as some men losing out on opportunities for a career, there must be a lot of capable who are, also. What do they do to make a go of things? If they can't have the career, and can't afford the education, do they turn to trying to trap a wealthy man into marriage?
Universities are havens mainly for middle class women, so it will be these women who have access to the men with the most resources, for instance. Women do get defensive about this.
Never mind the divorce - that's a side issue. Think how much the marriage is worth to the woman. It's not just security, it's a career and all that comes with that. I think you came late to this discussion, Rollingforest - read the posts. I have been in conversation with women who cannot see how advantaged they are.
There are many capable women out there. Men don't mentor and hire women on the basis of merit but on the basis of attraction and their willingness to conform. Some are good at the job. Some learn to do them; and some are carried through by their colleagues. Why do you think there is so much incompetence around?
Contrary to last sentence, 1018am, men need to use their brains to make decisions about work, funding, etc. If it keeps on like this, the division between rich and poor will get even wider, as women with money get to marry the men with money. Unemployed men, as in Occupy, get left out completely.
Calling someone a gold digger, or implying that the unemployed lack good hygiene, and referring to them as 'losers' while taking the careers and education that at one time was reserved for them seems to me to lack a certain ethical understanding and approach to the issue.
Marc Lepine had his life stolen from him by middleclass feminists who thought they had a right to what used to be reserved for men like him. Taking over the careers enabled them to partner up with middle class men, serving to widen the divide between rich and poor.
op·por·tun·is·tic ( p r-t -n s t k, -ty -). adj. Taking immediate advantage, often unethically, of any circumstance of possible benefit. ...
All women deserve equality, even the ones who "embody the negative gender stereotypes we battle every day." Nobody's arguing that men don't deserve rights because some of them embody negative stereotypes about men, so why is it that women don't deserve rights because some of them embody negative stereotypes about women, hm?
Keli says "The act of becoming pregnant on purpose with the goal of landing financial security has become viewed as such a common practice." If the woman did have sex with Bieber, would it have been for the purpose of having his baby. Isn't that rather a long shot? I understand she didn't know him, It was a casual encounter.
Wouldn't gold diggers be women who entered a sexual relationship with the man for the purpose of having his child and gaining financially from that, or simply from being married to a man with access to resources and many assets, child or not?
A quick check suggests that a gold digger is "Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits."
Say, suresp. What do you think of that? People often fall in love with inappropriate others. But do men and women marry for love today, or for how well suited they are economically, according to social class, depending on their occupation, and perhaps mutual interests. It is a rational choice, isn't it, as well as a choice made by the heart?
Keli mentioned a couple of other 'gold diggers' but not Arnold Schwarzenegger. Was his situation different due to his lover (and mother of his son) being his housemaid for the past 20 years? Could she be considered a gold digger? And so what of women who have relationships with married men, and get pregnant? Are they gold diggers if they seek recompense?
It's the same old song... an older woman has sex with a teenage BOY, and it's sniggling remarks and no big deal. A female teacher has sex with a student? She might not even do time. A woman in her 30's texts nude pictures to a 15 year old? She gets off with NO TIME AT ALL.
But if a MAN did any of those things? Welcome to Prison, Population: You.