New Year's Eve is one of America's greatest traditions. And, as is true of all great American traditions, New Year's Eve brings with it a new set of scary rumors each year. Will the world come to an end? Will all the dogs start talking and turn out to be very mean? Y2K? Maybe!
This year is no different. You can't go anywhere these days without hearing another New Year's Eve rumor. You might even think, "Please, just quit it with the rumors already." Well, maybe if you quit being so fun to follow to work, I'll quit it with the rumors.
To help ease your mind this holiday, I've put together a few reasons why this year's most popular New Year's Eve rumors probably won't happen. But you know, don't get too comfortable, because it is true that maybe they will happen.
All the clocks will disappear
You hear this one every year, it seems like. "Oh, at the stroke of midnight, all the clocks will disappear." "Oh, don't buy any new clocks before New Year's Eve because you know they're just going to disappear." Well, let me ask you this, if the clocks disappear, how will we know what time it is?
Babies and old people will switch bodies
Old people propagate this rumor any time they think they can get away with it. To be honest, I'm not even sure what they gain. Never gonna happen, old people. Though I guess the worst part about it is you can never really tell.
Bees
This rumor is particularly threatening because it is very open-ended. Bees? What about bees? You don't really know and that is why it is scary.
Skeletons will come to life
Skeletons propagate this rumor any time they think they can get away with it. The truth is that skeletons come to life very rarely and it is impossible to predict when it will happen. The chance that it will happen on New Year's Eve is very slim.
Computers will become more advanced
Each year we put a lot of pressure on computers to become more advanced on New Year's Eve. We have to learn that computers cannot be put on a schedule of advancement. They will advance at their own pace, when they are ready. Let's make an effort to make this a kinder and more patient new year, especially to computers.
Computers will become less advanced
Most likely started to mock computers after years of failing to advance on New Year's Eve, this rumor is cruel and almost always untrue.
All the stars will explode
This one is true.
Oringially published at whenfallsthecoliseum.com.