As a matrimonial attorney, the very first thing I say to every new client is, "Shut down your Facebook account and stop texting immediately." While not everyone necessarily follows this advice, the ones that do are in much better shape if the case goes into a courtroom.
Two separate surveys from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers have further bolstered my position on this issue. In 2010, our organization released the results of a survey showing that 81 percent of the members had seen an increase in the use of evidence taken from social networking sites during the previous five years. Facebook was predictably the most popular site for this kind of evidence, with 66 percent of the respondents listing it as their first choice.
Our most recent survey released this month shows an overwhelming 92 percent of respondents saying that they have seen an increase in the number of cases using evidence taken from iPhones, Droids, and other smart phones during the past three years. In addition, an even larger number of 94 percent have cited an overall rise in the use of text messages as evidence during the same time period.
So what do matrimonial lawyers know that many others are just beginning to recognize? Basically, having evidence in writing is always the most effective proof in demonstrating that someone is being dishonest, contradictory, and lacks credibility. Credibility is the coin of the realm in the world of family law. Once you can effectively question someone's credibility with their own written statements, then everything else can be doubted about them.
This is why I also strongly caution my clients that any time you put something in writing, automatically assume that a judge will eventually read it. If it's something that you don't want a judge to read, then by all means don't write it. Words are power; they can be used for good or for evil. Think and be careful before you write anything, because it can go beyond the intended audiences and undermine you in ways you never even imagined.
Practicing this kind of restraint can be a real challenge for many people in today's world, because the way we communicate has changed so dramatically. Before the Internet and cell phone era, divorce cases involved more of the old-fashioned "he said, she said" disputes that often hinged on phone calls and verbal conversations.
Texts, e-mails, and Facebook posts have obviously removed a great deal of the ambiguity from the process. Text messages can often be the most incriminating pieces of evidence, because they are so immediate and easy to compose. Unique among other writings that are prone to be drafted and revised, texts are composed at the spur of the moment, resulting in pieces of evidence that can be raw, uninhibited, and highly incriminating. In many ways, texts can be the written equivalent of a heated discussion, but without any of the doubt afterward about the exact words and language that had been used.
In a legal situation, having a full transcript and a history of texts creates a potential insurmountable mountain of evidence against someone. Having someone's own specific words, combined with a clearly defined and recorded timeline, provides extremely powerful material for a devastating cross examination.
While many people are beginning to realize the risks posed by thoughtlessly posting comments and pictures on Facebook, I still find myself regularly shocked by the incriminating messages and images that can be so easily accessed in a divorce case. Sometimes even with the time to think things through, individuals still exercise a real lack of judgment and make terrible decisions that come back to haunt them in unforeseen ways.
The bottom line is that any form of communication that a person most regularly engages in will generate the biggest potential for evidence that others can sift through and use against them. Being mindful of this and choosing not to send a heated text or post a compromising image or comment on Facebook can benefit you in more ways than you might even realize at the time.
Once a divorce is final, I expect my client to start texting and posting updates to Facebook. But I do remind them that divorce is forever: If you have children, you may return to court in the future to revisit custody and support issues. Be careful who your Facebook friends are and always be cognizant of what you put in writing.
I have a friend divorcing a woman who was found to suffer from personality disorders including a suspicion of Munchausen by proxy, she lost custody of their four children. The courts did not request protected encounters between her and the children and when she could get all four together, she kidnapped them from Italy to Russia! They are being kept hidden, do not attend school and she is not allowing any contact with the father nor anyone in the family, including her own mother.
This may be an extreme version of divorce, but there are many lessons to be learned from his story...
http://bringflorentinekidshome.wordpress.com/
Tina
www.onemomsbattle.com
I can personally attest to the validity of Mr. Altshuler's statements... I discovered that certain people out to discredit me had been secretly trolling me on the internet for years, looking for anything they could use to put together evidence of a very negative nature; evidence when taken at face value and out of context painted me in a very nasty and ugly light. And the results were devastating. The painful consequences that I have had to suffer as a result of my foolhardiness on-line is a "punishment" that I will never be free from...
Remember that once you post anything, even if it's relevant or true, the wording and the "tone" can ultimately destroy you.
Advice for posting on-line:
1) Don't write in frustration or anger.
2) Don't write in way that could be construed as "negative," "demeaning," "hateful," or "threatening."
3) Proofread what you have written before you post; ask yourself if your point is really necessary. See if you can't reword it so as not to be seen as "hurtful" or "offensive" or as "attacking."
4) NEVER appear to be smearing someone's name, or attacking their character!! Ever!! Better yet, ask yourself if what you've written is really necessary...will you regret it later?
You can't take back "stupid."
A non-mailed, shredded letter never hurt anyone, least of all the person who wrote it.
I went thru a divorce 3 years ago via legalzoom. I agree. Leave the lawyers out if u can.
Facebook issues have nothing to do with the divorce lawyers, except that divorce lawyers will use it as an excuse to charge their clients $300-500/hour for surfing the web.
The issue is with the tone of the divorce. If you are putting nasty comments on Facebook, your divorce will have a different tone.
And your divorce lawyer profits from a nasty tone. So when a nasty Facebook entry exists, a divorce lawyer will make issue of it.
Not because it has relevance to the case or can be used at trial. Your divorce case is NOT going to trial. (Only 5 percent of people are dumb enough to go to trial in a divorce case.)
But because making issues, getting divorcing spouses angry at each other and keeping them angry at each other, is what generates fees for divorce lawyers.
Ignore Facebook. Tell your divorce lawyer to surf the web on his/her own time.
Fanned & Faved
I just had a divorce trial. I was pro se. My (now!) ex-wife had a divorce lawyer.
If anyone would have tried to put something from Facebook into evidence at trial, the judge would have laughed us out of court -- except he would not have been smiling.
==> Facebook and stuff (bunk) like that is just a way for divorce lawyers to run up legal fees on their clients (before they urge the client to settle your case).
Only about 5 percent of divorces go to trial in any event.
And if you go to trial ...
SHORT OF CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR, NO DIVORCE COURT JUDGE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT YOUR DIVORCING SPOUSE IS DOING ON FACEBOOK.
No divorce court judge is going to dramatically pronounce "Oh my goodness, ... you said X on Facebook ... therefore you do not get shared custody of your children and you must give all of your possessions to your divorcing spouse and you must pay child support and maintenance for all of eternity."
This is bunk. Bunk.
Nasty divorcing spouse and greedy/nasty divorce lawyer need to get over themselves.