Ammerrricannn Idddollll

Who says that American Idol stretched twelve one-minute performances into two endless hours? They NEEDED all that time just as I need all this space to review it.

But before we get to the contestants, I have to ask my co-reviewer/daughter, Annie, "What advice would you give the performers?"

"I really think they have to perform their best and sing well. And look good. And be pretty. Back to you, Dad."

Thanks, Annie. And now my dog, Rex. It's a big night for these kids, Rex. What should they keep in the back of their mind?

"Woof, woof woof, woof. Woof woof, woooooof woof wooooof."

Good advice. And it gives the performers something to think about that never would have occurred to them.

Now the rules, and pay attention because they're a little different this year. Every week for three weeks we'll take nine hours to select the best three and then have a wild card show to select four more then have a sing-off with them and the La Mirada Dinner Theatre production of RENT. Then it'll be June and we can begin narrowing down the Top 10.

We'll get to the actual performances right after this break.

This Monday will be my annual Oscar review right here on the Huffington Post.

Welcome back. The theme this week is any song from any era that ever charted on Billboard. In other words, the kids are restricted to every song ever made.

Jackie Tohn, who dressed like Minnie Mouse in leather, sang the only Elvis song people don't know is an Elvis song. But she has great personality and should be a finalist. Then America met her parents, realized she's Jewish, and that cost her every vote from the south.

After the break, Ricky Braddy.

Starting February 25th i'll be hosting Dodger Talk again every night on 790 KABC, home of mcintyre in the Morning and airwatch traffic with Captain Jorge to get you to work on time.

Ricky Braddy did a lovely version of Leon Russell's "A Song for You." But I still have no idea who he is. Neither does anybody else because the number to call to vote for him is 1-800-IDOLS-0?

But he too has lovely parents. They wore cute matching "Braddy Bunch" T-shirts and Ryan interviewed them for seven minutes. If you'd like to vote for them the number is 1-800-MOMDAD-2.

Alexis Grace was next. Her father had long hair. This is significant because he got more face time on Fox than Obama during his inauguration. Paula said to Alexis, "you have something so large inside you." It was Paula's first veiled penis reference of the night.

More in a moment but first, Ted Danson and Neil Patrick Harris were in the audience. Ted played Sam Malone on Cheers and Becker on Becker. Neil played Doogie Howser on Doogie Howser and currently plays Barney on How I Met Your Mother. Ted also appears in Damages on FX. Not that I'm padding.

Brent Keith followed. After a screw up where they started running Stevie Wright's video he sang "Hicktown" where he'll be returning to. Now this break:

Every Friday I answer readers' question on my blog. What's yours?

Stevie Wright said her biggest influence was the Jonas Brothers so it's no surprise she sang 19 year old songwriter extraordinaire, Taylor Swift. She was awful. We'll never see her again. Stephen Wright has more charisma.

Anoop Desai sang "Angel of Mine" and was then taken into custody. Police question whether it was really him singing. (Note: Slumdog Millionaire reference. If you didn't get this joke you will be lost Oscar night.)

Casey Carlson is cute but not cute enough to overcome her hideous rendition of Sting. I thought these people got weeded out. What the hell was Hollywood Week for anyway?

Michael Sarver - Best performance of the night from an oil rig worker. I see petroleum in his future.

Ann Marie Boskovich is next... after the break.

My book, It's Gone! No, Wait a Minute is still available on Amazon for one cent. Get it now. Don't wait for the price to go down.

Ann Marie Boskovich was the 247th contestant to sing "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman." She came in 200th.

Stephen Fowler killed "Rock With You." Jackie Tohn's parents could have done it better.

Tatiana Del Toro - The Devil's Daughter. Kills us to say it, but she was infuriatingly good.

And finally, Danny Gokey. Great singer, immensely likable, widower. He's a shoo-in for the top five as long as he doesn't sing Bobby Goldsboro's "Honey."

That's our post for tonight. Remember my Oscar review on Monday. Woof woof.

Levines...out.

You can read more from Ken at www.kenlevine.blogspot.com.

Comments

[Gorsegrower]

I came across a clip from that show and actually played it out of curiosity ( I don't get broadcast TV or cable.). That must be the dumbest, cheapest show ever produced. Ever.

why don't they call Local 35? Can't they even round up scale for a piano player?

[FCBarca]

I see a reality show in Tatiana's future...S­he's dramarama that will translate to HUGE ratings

[AsISaid]

"Honey" - hilarious!

[Steamboater]

Jackie Tohn should have won. She's really got that Janis Joplin charisma and voice and has always been my favorite. We haven't heard the last of her and she's the only one who really knows how to grab an audience (except southern ones LOL) and entertain. Being an entertainer and doing it well as she does is also part or should also be part of who wins this or not. She's the only one comes off like a professional. Sarver looks like the fat kid trying to show off in front of his friends in a schoolyard and Gokey just stand s there and doesn't know what to do with himself when singing, and both Sarver and Gokey sound like clones of many we've heard before. Nothing special at all. Tohn,although sounding a bt like Joplin, puts a twist to that and comes off as her own.

When I first saw Alexis I thought she'd open her mouth and out would come "9 To Five" because she's a double for a young Dolly Parton, but whoaaaaaaaaaaa! She's good, really good. Not getting what you expect makes for a winner too.

[AGarcia]

"America's Greatest Karaoke Singer"?
zzzzzz....­.
Wake me when Lil Rounds is on...

[1question]

This was the very best article I've ever read regarding American Idol.

1. Will you be doing other Idol reviews...­?


And, but too also such as (there)...


Very, very, very funny and...on point.

[AmandaRuth]

Danny Gokey and the Honey reference was the funniest thing....S­omeone should start a drive on VFTW. I know, I am going to h-e-l-l even thinking this is funny, but really, it is.....

[Debbie Pine]

What is the deal with "dirting up" Alexis Grace? What a lovely talented young woman. She has to sing in her underwear to wow the judges? What a terrible message to send. Although one has to "stand out" to get noticed in this business, encouraging her exploit herself is a disgrace. I have told my kids that the more talented someone is the less body parts they need to show. The judges should be admonished for the sexist messages they send the young women on this show. It reminds me of perverted directors of movies who tell young women to bare all to see what their true potential is.

[Charity]

i was kind of thinking the same thing about that girl - she looked so fresh and energetic during the elimination rounds. now, she looks like she dressed for a 90s costume party. still a pretty girl, but it seems the naturalness and life has been painted over the real thing. we already have a christina aguliera, btw.

[mikeyman]

"Jackie Tohn, who dressed like Minnie Mouse in leather, sang the only Elvis song people don't know is an Elvis song. But she has great personality and should be a finalist. Then America met her parents, realized she's Jewish, and that cost her every vote from the south."

Oh wow, another marginilizing, offensive comment that everyone takes as fact. Yes, so, just by looking at her parents, we can all tell that she's Jewish. Right. Brilliant. Oh, so, the South hates Jews? Is that right? You know, Virginia has almost as many Jews as Connecticut. Yet, the ADL annually records at least three times as many anti-Semitic incidents in Connecticut as they do in Virginia. The highest number of anti-Semitic incidents recorded by the ADL, in general, are in states like New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, etc.; with numbers in the hundreds per year. I think Alabama had 1, and some Southern states squeak by with not a single one recorded in most years. Yes, there are more Jews in those Northeastern states, but even if you calculate it as number of anti-Semitic incidents per Jewish population, the ratio in NJ/NY/etc. is ridiculously higher than that in the South. But of course, why bother with the statistics? The media tells us all Southerners are rednecks who hate Jews, so it must be true.

[Jamie Frevele - Huffpost Blogger]

Every time my mother tries to describe the new voting/choosing on this show, my brain pulls a muscle, so I'm just going to read this column instead.

[lindasha]

Where does the assumption that southern people don't like jewish people come from??

http://www.emanu-el.com/


I couldn't care less what religion anyone is, only that they can sing.

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

""Where does the assumption that southern people don't like jewish people come from??"

The KKK.

Kent, MUST your and Annie's posts be funnier than mine? It's so annoying. You're doing it deliberately. I'll see you when we have our Oscar-off on Monday!

[Charity]

"now, tatiana, you're just too crazy, girl! we need to see the real tatiana! come on, now! be serious!"

"nooooo, tatiana, who are you? act crazy again! we miss the old tatiana!"

well, at least they are consistent in their advice.

[neoknows]

Ken you should check out Jillian Madison's reviews at WeHateIdol.com - it sounds like you two would hit it off!

As much as I dislike Tatiana's antics, I hate to say it... but she was the best female performer last night. The judges clearly wanted her to stay around for the ratings, as they were trying to get her to laugh on camera. She refused and they basically called her "boring." Very curious about the results tonight.

[trishal]

You crack me up Ken Levine,,, Love the Bobby Goldsboro reference, perfect!

[Halsey]

I really tried to watch Idol last night....(­there have been times when I've though there was real talent)..b­ut I guess age has taken me...I didn't get it...anoop had a very nice voice... but I got so bored...I had to switch to a House re-run...a­lways good... so, IS it just me and my "boomer" age?..or does the show suck?

[BLinCincinnati]

The wonders of TiVo make it bareable. I just forward through to each song, cuts it from 2 hours to about 15-20 minutes.

Alexis Grace, Anoop, Danny Gokey, and Tatiana were the only ones worth keeping. The rest need to be ditched. Tatiana is seriously unstable but she really has amazing range and skill... with some control she could be really good.

My favorites so far are Alexis (reminds me of an early Christina Aguilera) and Danny Gokey.

[karenann]

I agree with you -- except -- Tatiana really had some pitch problems in addition to her control. Pain in the ears (not to mention arse) . . . .