Gee, What's Amy Winehouse Up To Today?

Did she spit on a fan today?

Was she hospitalized?

She hasn't been arrested in a week, so perhaps that was on her to-do list.

Anyone new suing her?

Is she suing anyone new?

How long has it been since her last complete breakdown?

Did she destroy any hotel rooms in a drunken rage?

Does she or doesn't she have Emphysema?

Does she or doesn't she have an irregular heartbeat?

Has she been stung by one of the bees that obviously live in her hair?

Any new sex tapes discovered? And if so, is it worth watching?

Has she been voted the worst dresser of all-time... by Cher?

Has she been called a racist again?

Has her health insurance provider dropped her?

Will her crack den be featured in ARCHITECHURAL DIGEST?

Is she in or out of rehab? And if so, which one?

Has she caused a ruckus in rehab when the attendants wouldn't let her watch the World Series?

Did she win six more Grammys?

Did she sell them for heroin? Or cartons of Virginia Slims?

Has her father had her committed?

Has any fan mistaken her for Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?

Has she been denied a visa?

Has she been denied a Costco membership?

Did she have a nice visit with her husband in prison?

Any new eating disorders we don't know about?

Has she discovered there's no such thing as "Recreational Ketamine"?

Did she get her tooth replaced?

Have plans been scrapped to serve as spokesperson for the American Lung Association?

Has she been deported from Norway for possessing cannabis and trying to tip the doorman with it?

Was her latest tattoo (the Teletubbies and Hitler) drawn with an infected needle?

I like Amy Winehouse. I love her music. It's distinctive, original, and no one will ever cover it on American Idol. But I worry that her self destructive behavior will finally catch up with her, that her record label will drop her, her concert tours evaporate, her fortune goes up in smoke or her nose, she's in total despair and finally one day I get that inevitable call. The one I dread.

"Did you hear about Amy Winehouse?"

"Oh no. Don't tell me. Did she...?"

"Yep. 5:00 this morning."

"Oh Jesus, that's so terrible."

"Yeah. She signed with CAA and is meeting with writers about doing a sitcom. Are you free for lunch on Thursday?"

You can read more from Ken at kenlevine.blogspot.com

Comments

[reelcobra]

Winehouse is part of a group of Celebutantes who's time has passed. She garnered attention with a fine voice, but has been kept in play by TMZ and Perez.

Check Celebutante TV for the cure.

[GiggidyGeshmoygen]

Edith Piaf

Billie Holiday

Judy Garland

Janis Joplin

and yet again, tragic genius fueled by a broken psyche and expressed with a voice full of inner pain

Amy Winehouse

[liberalgirl31]

The scary thing is that she wants to have kids with her husband after he gets out of jail. I feel sorry for those poor kids with two parents like that!

[LiberalBuzz]

I watched her on the tube the other night for the Nelsen Mandella birthday bash and she is definitely captivating to listen to and watch and what a back up band as well.

One can only hope she gets it enough together to stick around for a long time.

[DaCynic]

I hear McCain is considering her as Veep, no joke...

[marlovian]

You knew it was over when she was eliminated in the first round at Wimbledon.

[Rule Of Law]

Look, Winehouse this this year's Brittney. Since Brittney returned to her thunder thighed, Nascar, trailer trash roots, the press needs a new whipping girl. Oh, and media sensation distraction. If not Winehouse, someone, anyone else. Don't matter who. It's all about the ink, and making sure we don't think!

[jw]

"It's all about the ink, and making sure we don't think!"

Great line, and 100% on the money! What might happen if people started thinking instead of just buying any and all crap that comes down the pipeline?

[xpresv]

Actually, I love thinking..­.

Don't ask me how it started...­perhaps a real need to escape from the real news...but I can't get enough of this girl's drama.

It's not like Paris and Britney, who have no distinct talent, except the need to sell their souls to the highest media bidder. Unlike them, Amy is talented and unique.

While I would like to ideally see a happy ending to her tragic tale (not holding my breath), it is a welcome respite from the bad news I endure everyday. (i.e. the Wars, kidnapped teens, Darfur, Zimbabwe, and the even-more-­tragic-tha­n-Amy idiot-in-chief, W.)

So, I do "think"...­.and sometimes I need an escape. And that apprently is where Amy's trainwreck of a life offers me some sad comfort. Am I a terrible person because I get off on talented, young, rich people destroying themselves despite the love and admiration of millions of people? It sure isn't envy I'm feeling.

Guess I'm just evil...or dumb.