Did she spit on a fan today?
She hasn't been arrested in a week, so perhaps that was on her to-do list.
How long has it been since her last complete breakdown?
Did she destroy any hotel rooms in a drunken rage?
Does she or doesn't she have Emphysema?
Does she or doesn't she have an irregular heartbeat?
Has she been stung by one of the bees that obviously live in her hair?
Any new sex tapes discovered? And if so, is it worth watching?
Has she been voted the worst dresser of all-time... by Cher?
Has she been called a racist again?
Has her health insurance provider dropped her?
Will her crack den be featured in ARCHITECHURAL DIGEST?
Is she in or out of rehab? And if so, which one?
Has she caused a ruckus in rehab when the attendants wouldn't let her watch the World Series?
Did she win six more Grammys?
Did she sell them for heroin? Or cartons of Virginia Slims?
Has her father had her committed?
Has any fan mistaken her for Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?
Has she been denied a visa?
Has she been denied a Costco membership?
Did she have a nice visit with her husband in prison?
Any new eating disorders we don't know about?
Has she discovered there's no such thing as "Recreational Ketamine"?
Did she get her tooth replaced?
Have plans been scrapped to serve as spokesperson for the American Lung Association?
Has she been deported from Norway for possessing cannabis and trying to tip the doorman with it?
Was her latest tattoo (the Teletubbies and Hitler) drawn with an infected needle?
I like Amy Winehouse. I love her music. It's distinctive, original, and no one will ever cover it on American Idol. But I worry that her self destructive behavior will finally catch up with her, that her record label will drop her, her concert tours evaporate, her fortune goes up in smoke or her nose, she's in total despair and finally one day I get that inevitable call. The one I dread.
"Did you hear about Amy Winehouse?"
"Oh no. Don't tell me. Did she...?"
"Yep. 5:00 this morning."
"Oh Jesus, that's so terrible."
"Yeah. She signed with CAA and is meeting with writers about doing a sitcom. Are you free for lunch on Thursday?"
You can read more from Ken at kenlevine.blogspot.com
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
