THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Ken Levine Headshot

How to Get to Hollywood on American Idol!!!

Posted: Updated:

It's EASY!! All you have to do is just...

Be an attractive girl between the ages of 17 and 22.

Wear your hair like the Flock of Seagulls.

Have one of your arms completely tattooed.

Dress kooky. Homeless/rocker/chic/Hillary Duff

Reveal that one parent is in prison and the other is dead (killed in a particularly gruesome way. Be creative.)

Have two kids already.

Be raising them alone.

One is very sick. A mystery disease worthy of HOUSE.

Whichever grandmother raised you died recently... on your birthday. Her last words were "win AMERICAN IDOL so my life will not have been in vain."

Music is the only thing that saved you from becoming a prostitute or working at Applebee's.

You live in a dirt poor small town and have to walk everywhere.

You don't have shoes.

Kara has always been your idol. (Learn how to pronounce her name)

You can cry on demand.

You can sing (although this last one is just optional).

Good luck. See ya in Hollywood!

You can read more from Ken at kenlevine.blogspot.com/.