Last week I had the pleasure of connecting with Honoree Corder, author of the Successful Single Mom Book series and the inimitable host of Huffington Post Live, Nancy Redd, on her HuffPost Live show. Our topic was Sex and the Single Mom.
We endeavored to shed light on what it's like to be a single mom out in the dating and mating world, and clear up some of the misconceptions, pre-conceived notions and flat-out untruths. For example, once women have children, like Madonna, they should abstain from sex. What? NO. We are not vestal virgins. Another falsehood in the ethers: single moms are no longer interested in having sex. Wrong. In many long-term marriages, when unhappy rears its ugly head, sex is the first thing to go, but it doesn't mean a woman isn't interested in engaging in intercourse, it's just not with that guy she betrothed. So, when a single mom becomes unentangled from him, she has the potential to become a kid in a sex candy store. Her interests in intimate relationships are far different from earlier in her life.
Not unlike her current younger counterparts, being a single beauty minus little ones, the mission in dating is to find the guy, get the ring, have a wedding and produce kids. Period, end of story. When a mature woman has already had a stroll down the aisle, and birthed a baby or two, her dating palette takes on a different hue. There is no biological time ticker. She's not constantly assessing whether the man sitting across from her at the dinner table comes from a good gene pool. Or what his estimated bank balance might be in 18 years when it's time to pay for the kid's college. No, that's not it. Been there done that.
Single moms have the opportunity to date for a variety of reasons. One is in the hopes of finding a better match the second (or more) time around. No doubt. But another, equally as valid a reason, is for a little ego boosting, physically satisfying sex-candy on the side. He's the guy who will keep her horny meter on an even keel, while she's searching for her "REAL one." I personally know several women who have conducted their romantic liaisons in this manner and it works! They date the guy they want to have a serious relationship with, legs firmly closed and heart completely open, and booty call the hot one, legs wide open and heart solidly protected.
Men have supported these kind of "no-strings attached" interludes for centuries, single moms are simply catching up. I'm not advocating that this is for everyone, or that everyone must do this, and certainly not an activity to engage in when the kids are in the house. But as long as the lines of communication are clear and everyone involved understands the premise, it's all good. An exciting, come hither roll in the hay, with condoms, but without the awkward morning breath afterwards can be just what the conscience collective ordered.
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