At times life can be so overwhelming. During these times we often turn towards relationships and loved ones for support. But when they cannot meet us in this dark place we find ourselves in, we should know at least 4 things before we move on.
"Sometimes the deeper we fall into the darkness of life, to the point of abandoning ourselves, the more reason we have to appreciate what was right in front of our eyes. Were we prevented from seeing it before because of our beliefs?"
- Adele Green
Adele Green, the South African author of Can You See Me Naked, shares her lessons with us. "There are four things I wish I had known before I changed my life and, because I know them now, I share this knowledge as it helps women deal with the overwhelming process of transition."
What happens to women when, overnight, they become sensitive?
There are different stories women tell themselves because they need a reason to get a divorce, but in truth, if they are really honest with themselves and if they have access to the right kind of information, their expectations will be more realistic.
The first thing that happens when a women starts to change is that her sensitivity increases. She does not understand how her drop in estrogen affects her emotions and she does the only thing that makes sense. She turns to her partner. He does not know what to do with her emotions, either.
Her frustration is not about him. It's about her inner world of confusion. So she projects her feelings onto him and blames him for what he is not fixing. If no one ever tells her this is an unrealistic expectation, she will go ahead and find a way to justify leaving the relationship.
A man who does not understand what his partner needs and waits for her heightened mood to pass, will soon find himself in hot water. All too often, women tell me how their men never fought for them and these men, in return, just look at me in amazement because they never wanted a divorce in the first place.
This is what happens:
For a while, a woman's world is small, as she focuses her nurturing energy on her family. As she discovers her inner sensitivity, she needs to be acknowledged for her more feminine qualities. When this is absent, she feels confused and misunderstood.
As an inner transition occurs and she is unconsciously learning to validate herself, she does the only thing that she can whilst feeling very vulnerable. She turns to her relationship, as she needs her man to make her feel safe again. If he does, her process can stop here and she becomes emotionally infused with him.
If her relationship does not provide the emotional safety to explore her own expression of who she might be, beyond her nurturing role, she turns on her relationship. She questions if it is the right place for her and if she made the right choice, to start with.
In fairy tales, we 'live happily ever after, but in real life we develop more conscious relationships, wherein we can accept more of ourselves and notice how our partner is a mirror for our growth. If we never understand what this means, the relationship becomes a target onto which we project our fears and desires.
Adele explains how it is not the relationship that needs fixing, but the couple within it that require further development. Women, particularly, are more confident when their deep needs are met.
A happy person equals a happy relationship. If you are not happy within your relationship can never bring you happiness. An unhappy person equals an unhappy relationship. The myth is that our partners are knights on white horses, coming to save us. This is where the four tips come in handy.
In order to really figure out how to deal with our relationship issues, we first need to look at ourselves. And if we do a life-audit, we need to check the following:
1.How do I support myself?
When we can let go of the expectation that our partners are there to fix our problems, we begin to take our power back. To know how to support ourselves is key and it is not as obvious as it seems. See if you can write down 10 things that make you feel more energized after doing them.
2.What, how and where do I connect intimately?
Intimacy is a world in which nothing is hidden. Everything is known, to the extent that if our thoughts could be heard, we would communicate telepathically. As she goes through her transformation, this kind of relationship with another becomes a deep desire for her, and she will often continue to search until she finds the experience of intimacy. It does not stop there because once you know what it feels like, you want more. A woman will look everywhere, even through extreme sex, to find out what brings her internal world to life and to where she can be appreciated for who she really is.
3.What do soul mirrors mean?
Relationships have a secret purpose. Once this is understood, your perspective will do a complete shift , resulting in new expectations and in finding forgiveness for things you never thought you could. We discover that partners have soul contracts to help each other grow. Then, we learn how to re-interpret relationships and how this helps us to grow in an unexpected way.
4.How will I use my voice, when I find it, to live my purpose?
Many women, while they are discovering their inner wisdom, want to make the world a better place and make a meaningful contribution to it. All too often they start talking about what they learned, before the message is fully understood. Their voices are loud but not always clear. When you are aligned with your purpose, what you do with it is a conscious process, as you are lead by your own intuition. When you pay less attention to what makes sense and more attention to trusting yourself, your true purpose is often revealed right in front of you.
Adele Green is the author of Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a conscious relationship, Blogger at www.adele-green.com, Transformation Coach & Chat Show Host. She spends her time writing and talking about what moves her soul.
Get your complimentary coaching starter kit at www. Adele-Green.com/emerging-feminine/ to guide you and give you more insight into these 4 key areas of your own life.
Connect with her:
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The book at amzn.to/1h8NZW5