Should you stay together for the kids? It's a dilemma that many spouses in troubled marriages wrestle with. Divorced couples may look back and wonder, "Should we have tried to make it work for the kids' sake?" Some reason that sacrificing their own happiness by staying in an unhappy marriage is a necessity to help ensure their children's happiness. Others ultimately decide to split because they don't want their children to learn that staying in a truly unhealthy marriage is "normal."
Which answer is right? And what do the kids think? Would they prefer that mom and dad stay together no matter what? Many people have weighed in on this topic on my SecretRegrets.com online confessional, and some are featured in my bestselling book, "Secret Regrets Volume 1: What If You Had A Second Chance?"
I've included several candid and heartfelt excerpts from both parents and children, exploring all angles of the issue. Take a look, and then tell us what you think and what your experience has been. You can comment here or anonymously at SecretRegrets.com.
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Our thinking is to remain together for he children by creating respectful space for one another. My way of seeing things does not have to be "right" and hers "wrong"; the points of view can be different as long as we have respect for one another in mind and as long as the children do not have to suffer unnecessarily for our individual desires for self expression. We choose to be "right" in our own ways and when a child rearing issue comes up we discuss it and compromise as needed.
If respect is gone, however, I it may be necessary to get out, and for everyone's sake.
Is it "How do you solve forever the Israel/Palestine/etc issues so that no-one ever gets harmed or hated again?"
Seperate, deal with each other intelligently and reasonably and NEVER diss each other to your kids or argue in their presence.
If you were adult enough to marry, you should adult enough to divorce.
That's when I left... and wow. The difference it made not only in my life, but in my kids lives. Their behavior changed, they seem so much happier now, even my ex seems happier now. Best decision I ever made in my life.
I think it varies on the circumstances. Some people experience a "down" in their relationship, and can be helped with couples therapy. Some people have had enough, and need to walk away. If I had known how much leaving would impact my kids, and my own quality of life (for the better) I wouldn't have stayed for as long as I did.
I'm staying for the kids for now, but my husband has no respect for me or our boys. He's a 38yo man with the maturity of a teenager. I work FT, pay the bills, manage our finances and our (read "my") retirement (he isn't interested in saving for it), the insurance, the children, their school, activities, I just tell him when and where and sometimes he shows up. He works nights, so that's his excuse, but his coworkers are a bunch of teens and 20somethings so he feels entitled to have a life like they do. So he hangs out after work, drinks, got a DUI a few years ago because of it, but thinks it’s all OK since he was found not guilty. Still keeps up the same behavior though, I've about had it with him not coming home until 4am when I know the place closed 3 hours earlier.
It's just sad really. And he gets very angry with me when I confront him about it, so I've stopped. I just am happy to get up every day and breathe in and out. I don't worry about happiness anymore unless it's in the form of my boys. I try to keep them sheltered from his selfishness.
When my parents divorced they made a decision to do what was best for me. Even though I went between two households, the rules were consistent and so were the consequences for breaking those rules. I will always be thankful that my parents did that for me.