As a society we often title issues that may be hard to understand or accept with words that are easier to say. Specifically I am talking about the word "bullying." I challenge the world to start calling it what it really is and that is abuse.
We condition our children at an early age with the word bully. Saying such things as, "he's just a bully", or "don't be a bully" or "just ignore him/her they are a bully." It is my opinion that if we started calling it for what it really is, "abuse" and start educating our children at an early age that abuse in all forms is wrong from child abuse, emotional abuse, peer-to peer or youth-to-youth abuse, spousal abuse and verbal abuse you would start to see an improvement. Call it what it is. Stop conditioning our youth all the way up to adults who are suffering in silence acceptance of the passive aggressive word called "bully."
You never hear someone say, "my spouse is a bully, he beats me or humiliates me and calls me names in private and sometimes in public." The only difference between adult abuse and youth abuse is age. Same actions, same ammunition, same destructive tools and sometimes the same sad and tragic results. A person left with low self esteem and little to no dignity or a person gone forever.
Here are some startling statistics from the CDC regarding regarding youth suicide.
Suicide is a serious public health problem that affects even young people. For youth between the ages of 10 and 24, suicide is the third leading cause of death. It results in approximately 4400 lives lost each year. The top three methods used in suicides of young people include firearm (46 percent), suffocation (37 percent), and poisoning (8 percent).
Deaths from youth suicide are only part of the problem. More young people survive suicide attempts than actually die. A nationwide survey of youth in grades 9-12 in public and private schools in the United States found that 15 percent of students reported seriously considering suicide, 11 percent reported creating a plan, and 7 percent reporting trying to take their own life in the 12 months preceding the survey. Each year, approximately 149,000 youth between the ages of 10 and 24 receive medical care for self-inflicted injuries at emergency rooms across the United States.
Suicide affects all youth, but some groups are at higher risk than others. Boys are more likely than girls to die from suicide. Of the reported suicides in the 10 to 24 age group, 84 percent of the deaths were males and 16 percent were females. Girls, however, are more likely to report attempting suicide than boys. Cultural variations in suicide rates also exist, with Native American/Alaskan Native and Hispanic youth having the highest rates of suicide-related fatalities. A nationwide survey of youth in grades 9-12 in public and private schools in the United States found Hispanic youth were more likely to report attempting suicide than their black and white, non-Hispanic peers.
Help For Victims
Victims of abuse (bullying), particularly the young, face a difficult challenge -- that of maintaining balance under pressure. When someone abuses (bullies) you, he is probably eager to throw you off balance emotionally. He is hoping that you will resort to extremes of anger or show terror. If you fly into a fit of rage or burst into tears and express hurt or fear, the abuser (bully) is getting what he wants. So he may try to provoke the same reaction again and again.
What can you do? Consider the following suggestions. They are written primarily with the young in mind, but the principles may also apply to adults dealing with other abuse adults or bullies.
- Keep cool. Don't give in to rage. When your temper is out of control, you give the bully power over you, and you are likely to do things you will only regret.
- Try to put thoughts of revenge out of your mind. Vengeance often backfires. At any rate, revenge is not really satisfying. One girl, who was beaten up by five youths when she was 16 years old, recalls: "I decided in my heart, 'I will get even with them.' So I got some help from my friends and took revenge on two of my attackers." The result? "I was left with an empty feeling," she says. And her own conduct worsened afterward.
- When things appear to be getting heated, get away quickly.
- If the abuse (bullying) persists, speak up immediately for yourself. Choose a moment when you are calm, look the abuser (bully) in the eye, and speak in a firm, level voice. Tell him that you don't like what he is doing -- that it is not funny and that it hurts. Do not resort to insults or challenges.
- Talk to a responsible, caring adult about the abuse (bullying.) Be specific about the problem, and ask for help in handling it. Be open and honest about how it is effecting you and what it is doing to you inside your heart and mind.
- Remember that you have value as a person. The abuser (bully) might want you to think that you don't matter, that you deserve to be treated badly. But he is not your judge. It is the bully who becomes less worthwhile by resorting to such conduct.
Abuse in all forms is a learned behavior and anything learned can be unlearned.
I challenge everyone who reads this article to please, please share it with a parent, a youth, a teacher, a friend or a co-worker. If you are a school teacher or counselor -- share this with your students. Read it to the classroom, open up the dialog.
One life lost as a result of abuse is too many. Two lives lost is an epidemic.
Stop abuse in its infant stages. For those suffering in silence, we hear you and we are here for you.