Step Nine: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
When I was first faced with working Step Nine, I thought it was all about the apologies and restitution that the Step suggested. Of course, those amends were significant; I'd done a lot of harm in my years of drinking and using. Being responsible for my brother's arrest was certainly one of the worst of these actions -- the poor guy was letting me live in his house, and I invited my friend the drug dealer to move in. While I had skipped town the night before the cops descended, my brother, who didn't even take drugs, was dragged off as the owner of the house.
At least I could call him and apologize. With the relationships I'd ravaged, it wasn't so easy. My sponsor made it clear to me that calling someone and saying, "I'm sorry for all the crappy stuff I did," really wasn't an option, mainly because it would tend more to open old wounds than to heal them. And he also insisted that all amends be for specific actions, not just general lousiness.
So, my amends stayed somewhat limited, mostly to family members, and there are still plenty of things I regret from my drinking years that I've never been able to address in this way. Nonetheless, although I may not have immediately experienced every one of the so-called "Promises" that the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous lists, the process itself was transforming.
I've come to see that what happened, or began to happen to me at that time a quarter century ago, was not that I wiped out my past or made up for all the destructive actions of my addiction, but rather I became a person who takes responsibility for his actions. This, I think, is far more important than any particular amends I might make. I had been a person who avoided responsibility for his actions. I felt threatened by my own failures, afraid of being wrong, of losing face. From a Buddhist viewpoint, this is about protecting the illusion of self, the constructed ego. This self, essentially my collection of thoughts, feelings and memories, is highly dependent on the opinions of others. If others disparage me, my feelings are painful and my thoughts negative; the ego is wounded, and doubts about my worthiness arise. If others praise me, I feel good and have positive thoughts; the ego is boosted, and I think I'm better than others. With this viewpoint or belief system, admitting my mistakes is threatening because I'm afraid of what others will think of me and what that will do to my thoughts and feelings. This is the problem with clinging to ego or identity: you are constantly vulnerable to the vicissitudes of life, not to mention the opinions of others.
When we make amends, and when we become a person who takes responsibility for our actions, we begin to see the freedom of non-attachment -- not believing that we are solid entities made up of our thoughts and feelings. I began to see myself in more generic terms: as a human, prone to error, but doing my best. From this perspective, I can begin to have compassion for my predicament. After all, being human is difficult. And I can begin to have forgiveness for myself; I don't want to be a bad person, but, like everyone else, I'm imperfect, so I make mistakes.
Part of my imperfection is that plenty of times, I still cling to ego -- and I suffer for it. But now that process of suffering is much more clear. I can see where the pain is coming from, and even if I can't let go in that moment, at least I'm not confused. I have to be careful, though. The ego is shameless. It will even get attached to the idea of non-attachment to ego. If I think, "Now I'm a Buddhist so I shouldn't ever cling," I'm just setting myself up for another round of suffering.
Please note: As a result of my imperfection, I've failed to keep up my Step-of-the-month blog. I apologize to those who missed Steps 5 and 8. I hope to cover them at a later date --KG
Kevin Griffin: Buddhism and Recovery: Anonymity as Spiritual ...
The human emotion that is religious "FAITH", need to be examined by medical professionals.
It seems so very apparent to me that religious "FAITH" is the problem in nearly all of our disagreements in the Middle East and here at home.
"FAITH" is defined in most dictionaries as "belief in something for which there is no proof". It seems a shame that in the 21st century so many people are living with blind "FAITH'. When people don't have the moral backbone to question their own FAITH, (most will readily question the "FAITH" of others). We end up with people who are willing to die for many things of "FAITH", that have no foundation in truth.
Truth and "FAITH" do not go together.
"FAITH" is what makes the Jewish people believe they are Gods chosen people.
"FAITH" is what makes Christians believe the Bible is Gods infallable word.
"FAITH" is what makes Muslims believe the Koran is the infallible word of God.
"FAITH" is what makes Mormons believe that the same God; waited for someone in the United States to write the final word on one of His many books.
All are willing to question the "FAITH" of others but aren't honest enough to question their own.
When logic, reason and honesty prevail in the human mind, we may find peace in this world!!
Anyone who wants to stay clean and sober needs to begin to take responsibility for their actions and to make living amends for what happened previously . . .(in 12 Step culture, we see the ego as something which has not benefited us because it has usually dominated our lives . . .leading us to become ego maniacs . . driven by our addiction . )
As you say.--
"Please note: As a result of my imperfection, I've failed to keep up my Step-of-the-month blog. I apologize to those who missed Steps 5 and 8. I hope to cover them at a later date --KG"
How about coming to a new realization? What would be the result of realizing your perfection? Beware- for if you do it might mean a whole new world of joyful possibility ;)
A big part of the work in my book "I AM" is offering that the ego is only responding, protecting and defending what you believe is true. This awareness may bring one to question what they believe as true, which is the only way the experience of reality ever changes...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2011/sep/22/faster-than-light-particles-neutrinos
Is "clinging" to ego different from establishing an individual identity? I cannot believe that it is individuality (what you call taking responsibility for oneself) that is unnecessary or deceptive. I understand the process of individuation as the measure of maturation. We stop blaming others and acknowledge our part in being the enemy, whom as Pogo told us, "We have met the enemy. And he is us."
That is, one does not stop blaming others by losing one's identity. One learns to stop blaming others by self-acceptance and learning to rely on a higher source for one's and other's personal reality.
that last sentence is a jewel of wisdom.
As a convinced Westerner I am also doubtful of the appropriateness of the conventional views of the self--as a thing. Still I trust the experience of my identity over the time of my life. It changes, to be sure. It is fluid, because I change. I do not always confidently assert a true identity. Yet as Emerson writes in "Experience," "We believe in ourselves as we do not believe in others."
Such a distinction may mark a coherent difference between the Occident and the Orient. I can only speak from my experience as a product of the Occident.
isness is the underlying reality of consciousness and consciousness is the stuff of life. ie drama, attachments, misguided desires, those cravings for ice cream, etc.
isness and emptiness are synonyms meaning pure awareness. ie no thoughts just awareness.
observation may not always be awareness as one can observe and be very unaware.
if the materialists think consciousness is the hard problem wait until they take on awareness.
hope that clears things up. :-)