Over the years of promoting Broken Lizard's films, I've participated in many eyebrow raising PR events. I remember wearing a gorilla costume wrapped in tinfoil and marching around the Angelika Theater in NYC. When we were promoting Super Troopers we went to a tire store ribbon cutting in cop uniforms, a mall opening in cop uniforms and fought with a PR exec over the intellectual justifications for doing RADIO interviews in our cop uniforms. We even involuntarily participated in a drinking contest in an Australian beer garden which would ultimately inspire another movie of ours, Beerfest.
But this week we experienced a uniquely memorable promotional angle as we pimped the opening of our new film The Slammin' Salmon (December 11th). The movie is set in a seafood restaurant and our distributor, Anchor Bay Films, suggested we do an event in a NYC seafood restaurant, City Crab. We thought that was a great idea (especially since one of our members, Steve Lemme, spent several of his formative years waiting tables there).
Then they suggested we do some kind of a contest... "How about an all you can eat seafood contest?" Well... that gave us pause.
First, it sounds uncomfortable. Ruin-your-day uncomfortable. Second, seafood comes in all shapes and sizes. What were we talking about here? Oysters? Crab legs? They suggested "salmon chowder".... More pause.
The third problem is that I'm a big guy. Some might say overweight. My Mom says "husky." And I know automatically everyone is going to expect me to be THE GUY. Well I can guarantee you I am not THAT guy. In fact when I was in college, during freshman orientation, the dorms staged an eating contest as a fun "welcome to school" event. Of course my dorm picked me to represent. I tried to explain that size does not correlate to speed eating potential, but it didn't matter, I still found myself carrying the mantle of Andrews Hall in a pie eating contest. When I came in last place, I was the dorm pariah. It took me months to overcome the stigma. Frankly, I didn't want that pressure again.
So when it was proposed, I balked. That's when Anchor Bay said.... "No problem. Let's get other eaters... Professional Eaters."
Professional Eaters. Did they exist? And that's when I was told about the Major League Eating organization (MLE). MLE is comprised of eaters. Eaters who participate in public eating contests... for money. You're probably familiar with their hot dog eating events. Their chicken wing eating events. That's what they do. They eat. And they are AWESOME at it. As a result, I will never look at chowder the same way again.
We didn't know what to expect when we showed up at City Crab at 7am that day. But we met a few of the eaters. Our initial peek behind the MLE curtain was fantastic. Like pro wrestling each guy has a crafted persona with costumes and more. We met Crazy Legs, a dreadlocked expert in the science of eating; Badlands, a mountain of a man who warms up by drinking Tabasco Sauce; and the mysterious Eater X, a small guy who hides his identity with a mask but can't hide his idiosyncrasies (he constantly clutches a half full 2 liter bottle of Pepsi One and will eat NOTHING all day until game time).
Our preliminary meeting was a tease of the big event for a TV morning show. The Broken Lizard Guys decided we'd each eat one little bowl against the pros. We did some trash talking. Tasted the chowder (it was excellent) and then prepared for our mock eat off. Jay Chandrasekhar looked at me and scoffed " It's a little bowl of soup and you HAVE to eat it with a spoon. How fast could they be?"
Well... they said "Go!" I lifted my spoon to my mouth and as I quickly went for spoonful two I looked up to see all the pros were done. (In fact Badlands was already drinking his Tabasco chaser.) They had eaten their bowls in 4 seconds flat. That's when I knew we were in for a good show.
As the day progressed and the event neared, the anticipation grew. We met another eater. The eater "formerly known as Humble Bob." Clearly it was a former name because it no longer fit. Bob was no longer Humble (hence his skipping of the morning pre game show). His new moniker was The Notorious B.O.B because.... well I'm not sure why BUT he walked in there with a reputation of being the best.
As the contest began we were entertained by the pomp and circumstance of the colorful intros to the colorful contestants. And then the REAL eating started. It would be six minutes of chowder gorging. Whoever consumes the most, wins the cash prize. And I will say definitively it was equally the most intriguing and disgusting thing I have seen.
On "Go!" the Pros started SCOOPING the vats of this fishy porridge into their mouths at break neck speed. Cameras flashed, videographers jockeyed for position and our jaws dropped.
Earlier, Crazy legs assured me that, even the most aesthetically pleasing food becomes stomach-turningly disgusting in an eating contest. Just because of the sheer volume and the way it's devoured. But I couldn't imagine wings or pizza or even hot dogs to have the same look, consistency and fish smell as that salmon chowder. It truly was gag inducing. Crazy Legs' beard was caked in it. Badlands' chins were smeared with it. But they kept shoveling with those spoons. Racing the clock. Consuming awesome amounts of chowder.
When the six minutes was up the eaters all hunched over, lamenting the new baby sloshing around in their bellies. Trying to keep it all down while the tally began. Crazy Legs, Badlands and Eater X all had impressive performances but... of course.... It was The Notorious B.O.B. who was revealed as the VICTOR! When the tally came out, he had eaten 3 GALLONS OF CHOWDER. Try to imagine that. Pull that gallon of milk out of the fridge and eyeball it. Then triple it in volume and in thickness. Good God, I'd never seen anything like it.
When it was done, it was like coming down from an adrenaline rush. I wasn't sure what to do with myself (except avoid any contestant who was now purging himself). Should I eat lunch? I was full by association. The five Broken Lizard guys sat for our meal, but we looked like children in comparison. Daintily chewing our hamburgers 20 times before swallowing. It was emasculating BUT... we all buzzed about what we had just seen. And one thing was for sure, we were very content knowing The Slammin' Salmon was well served by the MLE. Our film was the benefactor of a unique and memorable event.
If you get a chance to see these MLE guys eat in person, do yourself a favor. It's an impressive way to spend your free time. Happily, I had the good fortune of seeing it while I was on the job. I like my job.
Advertisement