When my older sister left for college, I felt like I lost my best friend. I was ten, she was eighteen. My mom said I'd get over it, but I couldn't even believe it was really happening. I knew she was leaving. I even went to orientation on campus life with her, but I was little so I didn't get it.
I knew she was going, but I didn't realize she'd be gone.
She'd been such a big part of my life. We played soccer together, and basketball -- she gave me pointers. She always came with my mom to my games. We both had TVs in our room, but I'd watch hers. And she let me, at least until eight at night, when she said I had to go watch in my own room, because all I wanted to watch was Disney, Disney, Disney. Sure we fought sometimes, like over a TV show or a spot in the car. But never about anything big. She always let me hang out with her.
And then school started, and she was gone. Her room was different, it felt empty. My mom still went to all my games, but now it was just her cheering. I felt alone.
But there was an upside to it. With Knieya gone, the one thing I was looking forward to was having a little more freedom. Knieya had always been there to babysit me, especially during the week when my mom was at work. Now I'd have more time to myself. Plus, in the car I always got to sit in the front seat.
But it didn't last long. My mom had brought foster kids into the house most of my life. It started when I was in the first grade -- some stayed for six months, some for a couple of weeks. I liked having foster kids. There was always somebody new, so it was fun.
But none became part of the family for real. For a long time my mom had told me that she'd adopt a foster kid when my sister left. But it didn't really register that it would be different than what happened in the past.
I wanted another younger sister. Instead, I got a sister who was the same age as me, and her little brother, too. Let's just call them Jamie and James. They'd been living with this old lady for five years. When the old lady had a stroke, she was in bed a lot. They called her granny -- Jamie always talked about how she helped her granny around her house. But at her old house no one taught them anything, there was no structure, they played video games all day.
I was expecting us to be like twins, to go to the mall together, things like that. But when we went to the mall with my mom, we were standing in line waiting to buy a cookie and my mom saw that Jamie was playing with something shiny. We realized that she'd stolen something from the jewelry store we'd just been in. My mom took her right back there and we returned it. I was scared; I thought, what if we go somewhere and she steals? Will I get in trouble? I felt like she couldn't be trusted. I wanted her to leave.
Before, if there was a foster kid who was bad, they had to go. But my mom saw Jamie and James differently -- she wanted them to stay, she saw potential.
I didn't. There were times when Jamie would come into my room and try to talk to me and I'd be thinking, "Why are you in here?" Jamie got on my nerves, so I didn't see her, I saw through her like she wasn't there.
My mom said the social worker said they're good kids -- they need time to cooperate, to adjust, my mom she kept telling me to give it a chance. But it was hard.
Jamie wanted to do everything just like me. She copied everything I did. Even the bad things. My mom said that since Jamie likes to copy me, I had to set an example. Which meant if I did stuff, she'd do it too, so I had to think ahead, I had to think before I did everything. I wondered if Knieya ever had to do that with me.
It got worse. It was summer and with Knieya gone, my mom finally let me stay home alone. But I couldn't go anywhere, because I had to take Jamie wherever I went, and she'd always be weird, she'd stand there by herself, real quiet. My friends didn't like her. They didn't want to hang out with her, and that meant they didn't want to be with me. I told my mom, I can't go with my friends this summer if she's there, but my mom said she had to be socialized, so she had to come with us.
I tried to stand up for her a little. People would talk about her, teasing her, asking "Why does Khalyssa have this and you don't?" And in front of her they'd ask me, "Is she adopted?" That made me mad, and I'd say, "It's none of your business." I started to feel a little bad for her.
It made me realize some kids have it hard. I have it easy. I walk into a room, I make friends, it comes naturally to me. I started to think that maybe it was my fault too, when I was with my friends and Jamie first met them, I didn't make it easier for her. Because I was kind of embarrassed that she was always tagging along. Every time she was around me and my friends, I'd think, "Why are you here?" and it showed in my attitude. I'd be like, "Come on." And she'd kind of drag, she knew the only reason she was there was because she had to be. She knew I wasn't happy about it.
And then her social worker, Michelle, talked to my mom about a Saturday program Jamie had been going to. Peace4Kids. They said I could go too.
When we got to Peace4Kids, I thought it was for adults too, and that my mom was going to stay. When I realized she wasn't, I felt a little scared. I felt lonely. I didn't know anyone there, and Jamie did. I was sure she wouldn't introduce me to her friends. Why would she? I was mean to her. I didn't introduce her to mine. She saw me sitting down by myself. She came up to me and said, "What's wrong?" And I said, "I don't really know anybody here." She was like, "Oh, I've been here before, these are my friends." And she took me over and introduced me to them. She didn't have to, but she did.
It made me feel like I shouldn't be mean to her, because suddenly I was in the same predicament, and she was nice to me about it. She made it easier for me.
It made me wonder about my sister Knieya. She used to babysit me all the time. I remember hearing her on the phone talking to her friends, saying, "Oh really? I'd love to . . . but I have to babysit my little sister." Maybe she had to give up things for me the way I was supposed to give up things for Jamie. Maybe sometimes my sister couldn't do things she wanted to do because of me. But she never made me feel bad about it. Not once.
After that Jamie and I started talking more, we started actually acknowledging each other. Before, I talked to her because I had to, but afterward, I talked to her because she was my friend.
Courtesy of Peace4Kids.
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