Mission accomplished: the War on Christmas is over -- for this year at least. It was a tough battle, with some of us foolishly wishing unknown strangers 'Happy Holidays' just in case they were Jewish, Muslim or otherwise. But thankfully, the suppressed voices of Christians throughout America finally got the opportunity to drown out all reason in this regard.
With the war over now, it's no doubt the tinsel and Christmas bulbs are starting to be packed up, and department store gift exchange lines are hellishly long. After all, it just wouldn't be a proper celebration of Christ's birth without the brand name red-and-green storage bins and wrapping paper organizers -- not to mention the many, many gift receipts.
But let's not let the season pass without taking an opportunity to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. Two thousand years ago, a single life was lived so extraordinarily well that millions of people dedicate themselves to a religion formed around it still today.
Having grown up in a fundamentalist evangelical family, I could've never predicted the absolute triumph not only over Christmas, but all the wonderful things the politically religious have accomplished recently. Even our born-again Christian president has family values inherently flowing through his bloodstream. Seriously, just raise a question about his administration's motives, and you'll uncover a moral character so infallible that mere mention of disagreement instantly transforms you into an unpatriotic Satan-worshipper. Praise the Lord.
I'm sure when Jesus taught His followers to "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's," He didn't mean the separation of church and state. In fact, all those years spent in Sunday school made it pretty clear to me that Jesus was a huge fan of the way the Pharisees and Sadducees oppressively ruled over politics through their interpretation of religious doctrines.
And it's rather inspirational to think back to the many Gospel stories of the sick and dying asking Jesus to heal them. But the Son of God, in all His compassion, explained that without private medical insurance coverage, there was nothing He could do for them. It just wouldn't have been fair to the wealthy, or good for the economy.
And speaking of the economy, Jesus, of course, repeatedly taught His disciples that if they could just come up with a million-shekel idea, they wouldn't have to mooch off the kindness of others anymore. He wasn't really much into sharing. "God only helps those who help themselves," He said. Well, okay, maybe He didn't say that. But I'm sure He meant to. It's just a fluke that's not in the Bible.
The many stories about Him treating women as equals were probably a fluke, too -- a mistake made by the patriarchs who canonized the Bible. They must've just missed those stories when cutting out a bunch of other stuff that categorized women as people too.
Okay, I fully realize this article may ensure my eternal damnation, or at least with my mother if she ever reads it. But, I can't help but notice that many of those who call themselves Christians -- and speak for the masses today -- in no way resemble their namesake.
As a matter of fact, when compared to conservatives today, Jesus was a liberal and God is a progressive.
Kim Mance is a writer and women's advocate, she just launched a new blog in anticipation of her book "Religiarchy."