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Kim Stagliano

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Autism and Assault in Our Family

Posted: 08/22/10 05:00 PM ET

Three summers ago, I wrote a post for HuffPo called, "I Will Shake Your Foundation" on the fears my husband Mark and I have about bullying, abuse, neglect, rape and murder of our three defenseless daughters with autism.

Danny Bonaduce, the child star from the seventies TV show "The Partridge Family" had growled, "I will shake your foundation!" in a mock jealous husband rage during his reality TV show, implying he'd rock anyone who approached his wife. I adopted the phrase.

Last week, a 24-year-old special education school bus monitor from Bridgeport, Connecticut was arrested and charged with three counts of assault against a handicapped person and three charges of risk of injury to a minor. That minor is Mark's and my nine-year-old daughter.

The Connecticut Post newspaper has been covering the story Court Case of Woman Accused of Hurting Autistic Child Continued :

According to police, on at least three occasions last April and May, Davila, a monitor on a bus for special needs children for the First Student Bus Co., abused the little girl. Police said there could have been more incidents but only three were captured on the bus's video surveillance camera.

Police said the girl's parents were trying to figure out how their nonverbal daughter kept getting bruises and sprained fingers on her right hand when on May 19 they received a call from the nurse at Frenchtown Elementary School that their daughter had arrived at school that morning crying hysterically. The parents then demanded to see the video from their daughter's school bus.

That video, which also had audio, showed Davila grabbing the girl's hands and the girl then crying out in pain.

Police said they then obtained DVD copies of the bus videos for April 27, April 29 and May 19. On the 27th and the 19th the driver of the bus was Davila's mother. Police said the April 27 video shows Davila, during the bus ride from the school to the girl's home, putting her hands in the area of the girl's hands. With each movement the girl's cries get louder, police said.

On the April 29 video, Davila is heard telling a substitute driver to stop at the girl's home first after they leave the school, according to police. "Because she (the girl) will (obscenity) her pants," she explains, and within minutes of leaving the school the video shows Davila again reaching towards the girl's hands and the girl is heard crying, according to police.

On May 19, the girl is seen on the video boarding the bus with her mother who assists her being seated. When the mother leaves the bus Davila is heard saying, "Goodbye mom," police said. She then touches the girl's head twice and then grabs the girl's right hand and begins to manipulate it as the girl whimpers, according to police.

We've had an epidemic of abuse against people with autism in the last several months.

A mother in Dallas murdered her youngsters. A mother in The Bronx shot and killed her 12-year-old son and herself. A 20-year-old man in Pennsylvania was left to die in a residential school's van on a hot summer day. A father in Canada killed himself and his son in their basement. A socialite in Manhattan plied her son with pills in a luxury hotel until he seized to death. A mother in England jammed caustic cleaning product into her son burning his throat and stomach until he bled to death.

And now our daughter, nine years old, preverbal, 62 pounds soaking wet, sitting quietly on her school bus was (allegedly) assaulted once, twice, thrice, four times and who knows how many more?

Let the foundation shaking begin.

 

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02:04 PM on 09/29/2010
this makes me angry, because my daughter has autism she will be 11yrs in dec. i will not let her ride on a bus to and from school. i take her to and from school myself because she can be non-verbal at times to. i am always concerned about my daughters safety. what is this cruel world becoming when a person will hurt a dissabled child. THIS SCARES ME!!
08:09 PM on 09/15/2010
My autistic son doesn't really talk either so we won't let him ride the bus for this very reason.
My husband or I drive him to school, and I pick him up everyday. The school district and the teachers were offended that we didn't trust the bus drivers but we could care less!
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Cheri Levy
Goddess
04:46 PM on 09/14/2010
This is a very real fear for any parent or caregiver for children or adults with disabilities, the elderly etc., When we first found out our son had autism. This was my fear as well...still is. How do people take advantage and hurt those who cannot defend themselves?
04:29 PM on 08/31/2010
My prayers and thoughts go out to you and yours. I worry that this will happen to my 6yo autistic son or to other children with disabilities. He has a tough time telling us what he did all day. I feel so angry and hurt for you. This is horrible. God bless you and your family.
01:09 PM on 08/31/2010
Our hearts and prayers go out to Kim & Mark Stagliano, and especially to all three of their girls. As if the daily life of severe autism isn't enough for our kids. Sadly, a prison sentance wouldn't be enough, because we could never go back to the time before the abuse and injury. Abusers don't seem to fear anybody, while this is what we parents fear for our kids with ASDs: they often can't even tell anybody what happened nor with whom. We have regulations that block our kids from getting a breadcrumb of services that we have to beg for, but awareness & policing for abuse of disabled persons is (and has for a long time been) lacking. Keep shaking the foundation, Kim. We all thank you and your family so much. Phil DeMio
11:33 PM on 08/30/2010
according to the american academy of neurotherapy any illness can be caused by heavy metals in our bodys (mercury from vaccines)lead in the air,even the everyday food we eat has these toxic metals,teeth fillings are 45% mercury,yet the a m a sez its ok,but if you have them removed, as soon as they exit your mouth they are toxic,you can bet nobody has fillings in the a m a (let alone feelings) the cure for autism ,cancer ect can be found here www.factsontoxicity.com/6773 to find household products without toxins check out http://bit.ly/cQi6bu pass it on and lets cure the earth people
01:57 PM on 08/29/2010
Our prayers go out to you and your family and most importantly Bella. We do hope, in an effort to recover from the abuse and trauma she has felt, she will be able to obtain the counseling she needs by a provider that knows ASD and how to assist with PTSD. This is something that is often overlooked and can affect our children by negatively impacting them and lead to more difficulties. That is why we posted about the joint effort of the OVC and IVAT to ensure crime victim service professionals are trained to meet the needs of children like Bella and that they have access to communicate what has transpired. In this case your family has video, I cannot imagine what it was like to experience going through watching that. But in our son's case we had no videos, we had obvious injuries and a child that couldn't communicate what transpired. It's difficult and when judges are finding victim's incompetent, onlu due to an inability to communicate, that is when we know systems have to change.

I'd urge parents also to not only seek criminal and civil measures in these incidents, but also exhaust all means with state BOE complaints and Office of Civil Rights complaints which have a 180 day time limit. It is essential to do so, especially to effect systems change and ensure districts are being kept accountable.
01:49 PM on 08/29/2010
Please get the information on this training out. It is vital to have victim service providers trained in meeting the needs of children with disabilities who have been victimized and abused. "Improving the Response to Child Abuse Victims with Disabilities:
A National Training and Support Project" from the OVC and IVAT.
Affiliated Training #2, September 10 - 11, 2010.
Town and Country Resort & Convention Center.

Registration & Information

http://guest.cvent.com/EVENTS/Info/Invitation.aspx?e=72343437-b94f-4122-84e5-2c1740a052e6
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neutralground
04:22 PM on 08/28/2010
It is awful that it happened to your daughter, Kim. The only good thing is that by speaking out perhaps you can keep it from happening to as many others.

Schools need to be more on top of who they hire to be around our children. This woman who hurt your daughter was on probation for a criminal offense; why was she not suspended from working around children? My former brother-in-law was CONVICTED of sexual abuse of his own toddlers, and was still driving the school bus in his small town. It seems to take eternal vigilance.
10:32 AM on 08/27/2010
Kim & family, it has been a week since you revealed this horrific news in your post and quite frankly the shock & sting has not worn off, what happened to Bella is unconscionable. I hope those responsible are severely punished. I am angry, I am shocked that anyone could bring harm to a beautiful, innocent child, it's mind numbing. Just know that I continue to pray for Bella, your wonderful family and all our children with Autism. Although my son is no longer nonverbal, I fear for his safety all the time because he has no sense of risk, danger, safety, right from wrong...anything could happen at anytime, I wish I could keep him in a bubble, that's how frightened I am for his future. Our children need more attention, more assistance and more protection. They need angels watching over from above and here on earth. You are certainly your daughter's earth angel. Thank you for speaking out on your personal tragedy and for continuing to bring more awareness to the forefront about our children's issues. God Bless you & the your family, sending you healing thoughts and encouragement.
12:30 AM on 08/27/2010
Kim
Our prayers are with your daughter and your entire family. We have a 7 year old daughter with autism and to have one of your worst fears come true is unimaginably horrible. Thank you for sharing your story to bring more awareness to this type of abuse.
04:41 PM on 08/26/2010
Kim, I am so very sorry that your family has had this experience.
Thank goodness this was discovered. Hugs for you and your family.
11:44 AM on 08/26/2010
Here is a topic we can agree on Ms. Stagliano. Obviously child abuse is horrible and I think we can agree that the best way to help end this type of abuse is to teach people about autism and make them aware of difficulties that autistic children and adults have. However, the website you belong to, ageofautism.com is against the proposed changes to the DSM V that would make autism a much a more inclusive diagnosis, therefore increasing its public presence and by default, the public's awareness of autism. I think your website should reconsider its opinion on those changes.
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Kim Stagliano
Author All I Can Handle I'm No Mother Teresa A Lif
08:08 AM on 08/30/2010
Dear PiGuy (or gal) - I talk about DSM V in my book - I hope you'll check it out. Parents and people on the spectrum have varying opinions on the change. I've heard from people with Asperger's who do not want to be lumped in with autism and "adults who wet their pants." I've heard from parents of kids with Asperger's who desperately need more help to get through school since the social component is as important as the academic for lifeksills success. I think we approach the change from our own unique perspective for our loved one (or selves for those on the spectrum.) Thanks for the kind words for Bella. If this isn't common ground - it doesn't exist, don't you agree?

Best,

KIM
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08:57 AM on 08/30/2010
It always amazes me how different each individual on the spectrum can be. Yesterday, at an event I met a 9 year old on the spectrum who is the exact sensory polar opposite of my son. DSM V or not, we need to treat each child/adult as an individual.
05:39 PM on 08/25/2010
CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS POST:

How do we stop this? ACCOUNTABILITY. Every special needs bus should have camera’s. I know our town does not and I bet the majority of them don’t. Furthermore, they are only reviewed when a problem is suspected. Every special needs classroom needs cameras and yes, they need to be reviewed by parents. And we need laws that stiffly and justly prosecute violators.

The biggest fear, our worse nightmare, the thought that keeps us awake in the middle of the night is when we are gone, our children will be at the mercy of others…and some of these “others” are monsters. They prey on the vulnerability of this population.

We must not only rock the foundation but replace it with an entirely different code of ethics. Every single person/position that comes in contacted with this population needs to be ACCOUNTABLE. From the special education director to the therapists, to the teachers, aides, bus drivers and monitors. Their jobs are to serve the individual’s they are hired to work with. This is not a population you use to market to, make money from, or work with because you can’t find better employment. This is a most sacred violation and it’s about time it’s punished as such!

Finally, for those of you who take wonderful care of our loved ones, and there are many of you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!

Stephanie
05:36 PM on 08/25/2010
I am overwhelmed with outrage and sadness as I imagine what must have been going thru your little girls mind, but I am not nearly as surprised as I should be. This could be any of our children. This happens all the time. Why isn’t this on the front page or on national television news?? Where is the outrage????

So we have to ask, why does this happen? It happens because people think they can get away with it, and they do. It’s almost an unspoken understanding that it’s “ok” to treat children/adults with disabilities in any manner they see fit. What does it matter…who will know. And if/when they get caught, the defense is typically to blame the victim.

I remember a case in Massachusetts a few years ago where a teacher’s aide squeezed the arm/hand of a child with autism so violently they actually broke some bones. ONLY 1 colleague had the integrity to report the abuser. Apparently, this had been going on for awhile. The perpetrators attorney was interviewed by a reporter and he actually said, on television, something to the effect of “well we all know how difficult teaching a child with autism can be”. That was his defense of his client…and NO ONE questioned him. No one asked how breaking the bones of an innocent child helped him “learn”. This is only one of many, many cases we hear about. Imagine all the one’s we don’t know about.

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