Where's Our Bailout? 3 Kids with Autism. No Job. Again.
Hi, Kim here. By now, you know my husband Mark and I have three girls with autism. Our life is more difficult that I could convey to you in a book the size of the Bible, let alone a short post. One hour ago, my husband lost his job. This is the third job he's lost in seven years.
Isn't that shocking?
Was your first thought, "What a deadbeat!" No, he is not.
Was your second thought, "Is he a lazy-good-for-nothing bum?" No, he most certainly is not.
He's a talented, hard working, college-educated sales professional in the houseware and giftware industry. He's a good husband and a wonderful father to three little girls who will depend on him for the rest of their lives (how's that for pressure?) who works 60 hours a week and is honest to a fault.
And he's out of work.
Again.
Why is he out of work? Because retail sales in America are shot to pieces. He's been on the corporate side of the business and thought that moving to the representative side might mean more job security, with dozens of product lines to sell instead of just one. Not so much. After all, who has any money to shop for pretty house stuff in this economy? After watching gas prices skyrocket to $4.00 and more per gallon, folks are hanging onto every nickel as if it's their last. Most of Mark's accounts stopped writing purchase orders right after the economy's collapse in September, and his company's business went kaput.
He was the last hired, and you know that goes. Adios. That's the thing about losing your job. When you do get hired? You're the last man in -- and the first man out.
I'm watching the reports that AIG is going to get more money from the government. GM is lining up so Uncle Sam can pay them for the mistake of making too many of the wrong vehicles for too long. Wall Street muckety mucks have their hats in their hands for bonus payouts using money Mark and I paid into taxes.
Dammit, we've worked hard to hold our life together. We've never said, "Times are tough, screw you!" to our creditors. We've paid our bills on time. We paid Peter and Paul and robbed no one. We haven't gotten divorced. Our kids are neat and clean and happy and doing the best they can given the crappy deck they were dealt courtesy of the scourge we call autism.
We've cut back, changed our lifestyle, made sacrifices. In 2005, we sold our home so we could pay off our mortgage and avoid bankruptcy. I watched my husband look in the rear view mirror as we drove out of our neighborhood for the last time with tears in his eyes. Not for himself. For us. The family he vowed before God to care for. We headed to my parent's house, 600 miles away. Yes, Mark, Kim and three kids with autism, we all moved into my parent's house. We were like a freaky reality show.
We're now renters. No more American dream of home ownership for us.
Before we sold our house, I had the garage sale from hell. And every Christmas since, I recall all those decorations I sold for pennies on the dollar so we wouldn't have to pay to store them. I miss my stupid Santa wreath from JoAnn's Fabrics. Isn't that silly? I miss my scratched kitchen table where Mark and I sat and dreamt of raising a family and fed our babies dinner and wanted nothing more than a nice, normal life.
What the hell happened?
At that garage sale, I refused to sell the awards (beautiful fine China bowls) that Mark won when he was with Lenox China. One reads, "Rookie of the Year: 1991" and the other reads, "District Manager of the Year: 1992." My husband was the first person to ever win those awards back to back. As often as I remind him that he's still a good salesman and husband, sometimes it's better to look at those bowls. They're more concrete than a wife's words. (Soon we'll be eating bagged cold cereal out of them, I suppose.)
We sold our life out of our driveway so we could remain solvent and honorable. It's how we were raised and how we're raising our girls. "Do the right thing!" Today I ask, "For what? "
At the end of the day, we're saps, aren't we? Mark and Kim Stagliano are total saps. Two idiots who pay their bills on time and give an honest day's work for an honest day's pay.
There is no bailout for people like Mark and me and millions of Americans who have lost or are about to lose their jobs.
I'd keep writing, but my screen is suddenly blurry. If I can't get a bailout, can I at least have a bail bucket? It's getting inexplicably wet here at my keyboard in Connecticut. Thank God we bought cheap tissue at Costco last week. It had better last us a long while. I fear we'll need it.
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Maybe this downturn, coupled with the awareness of autism that's grown in the past few years, will be the spark for some true legislative action about the condition and the price it exacts on families. In the meanwhile, what can you say except the "karma" note above? Stay at the table: Your luck has to turn.
You have just described so many people in America. And no one in power seems to care.
My son has SPD, speech delays and medical conditions and we get his care`and therapy cobbled from a crappy IEP in a decling school district and my medical insurance that thinks a three year old can swallow a pill and has changed almost all his daily meds to "non-formulary"
His therapy needs for home cannot be reimbursed, they are considered toys by IRS.
I have my daughter in private school to get a decent (not cheap) education.
My creditors harass me day and night, at home on my cell phone AND at work.
I tried to work with my creditors, they want to sue me because I can give them half a payment.
My mortgage company refuses to work with us because we're ONLY 30 days behind.
I am filing bankruptcy to clean this mess up and keep my house. I am not proud of that statement, but we're at the end of the rope.
MEANWHILE, the govt is bailing out every large business in "trouble" with out tax dollars and we as the American public is suffering. It makes me sick. If we are broke, who's going to buy/use the products of bailed out companies? I'll be keeping my van running with chicken wire and duct tape at the rate things are going in my house.
My business dropped 50% this year. Much of my 2007 K1 money went to pay for our 2006 taxes (we've get crucified by the AMT every year) and our stimulus money went to stimulate the IRS. Fortunately, we've never lived beyond our means, have no car payments, and owe little on our two homes. I've been out of work because of injuries for over a year and my 2008 income dropped by 70% over 2007. Most of our retirement plans were based on land and our land has lost 40% of its value. We've got other investments because rather than be sucked into consumerism, we invested it. But we have little extra money. I recall buying Lenox China in 2006 for gifts. No chance that will occur this year or likely ever again. I expect my business of 30 years will fold next year and I have a partner and an associate who count on that income; not sure what they'll do. We have a daughter with Down's Syndrome and my son suffers a nearly 80% bilateral hearing loss from childhood meningitis. I understand how you feel and know my family is fortunate in many respects. We won't lose our property but we only have modest discretionary income that we have to use rather carefully; hardly a sacrifice compared to your family's situation. What can I say but hang in there since things will likely get better (it just might not happen real soon).
See Kim Stagliano's Profile
Indubio, you also have a tough situation. And it's not from being stupid, greedy or foolish. A family member said to me the other day, "I'm not bailing out people who didn't know they couldn't pay their mortgage!" Ah, to live on such a high cloud. When we bought our house in Ohio I had two girls with speech delays. Two months later they had autism diagnoses and we were off to the races for therapy and treatment - NONE of which was covered under insurance. In two months we went from being well able to pay our mortgage to spending a second mortgage payment for our children. Who wouldn't do everything they could for their child? I guess Mark and I are foolish, stupid AND saps.... Of course, in my heart, I know we are none of the above. Nor are you our countless others struggling. Expenses have skyrocketed out of reach of most Americans while paychecks have remained stagnant or disappeared. Everyone is running, hoping to at least stay in place. I feel like George Jetson, "Jaaaaan! Stop this crazy thing!!! JAAAAAAANE!"
My best to you and yours. To everyone who posted a kind comment, thank you. Today my 12 year old tied her shoes for the first time. I cried tear of happiness. Monday was tears of panic. I'll take happiness. Gianna tied her shoes!!!!
KIM
This is a tragedy. No hardworking American should ever have to go through the things that your family has had to in the last few years. Something has to change in this country! My husband is also in sales, these are tough times indeed. Because of your efforts, your children will learn how to adjust to adversity. They're learning a very valuable life lesson, from very caring and conscientious parents. I wish you the best. :)
You and your family are an important voice for so many! I'm really hoping that an amazing opportunity will come soon! You're such a great example to all.
Leeann
Praying for easier times very, very soon. :-(
Kim,
I am so sorry to hear Mark is out of work again. I couldn't even imagine what you guys have been thru. Your situation screams "Life is not fair". Yet, I have to say through all of this you have maintained such dignity and grace. I sometimes wonder is she human?
I admire you so much. And through your writings I admire your husband and your girls. You are an amazing family. I admire you even more after reading this very painful piece you have written. It really was difficult to read, I can't imagine how difficult it was to write.
You are our beloved Stagmom. I hope just knowing that so many people in our community and beyond appreciate you, and care about you and your beautiful family. I hope knowing this brings you some comfort in this difficult time.
I pray a miracle will happen and Mark will land a suitable position quickly.
Hang in there Kim.
((Hugs))
Andrea
I'm so sorry to hear this, Kim. Be strong, you guys will make it! But you're right, this IS happening to many families out there. What infuriates me most is to hear that those financial institutions that received the bailout are giving bonuses to their executives - with our hard earned tax dollars, mind you - while people are losing their homes and scraping for two pennies to rub together to put food in their kids mouths, clothes on their backs and heat to keep themselves warm as the mercury drops. Bonuses? For destroying the American way of life? How can they look at themselves in the mirror every day! Oh, and then the Treasury Department (I believe), who we trust with the nation's money, goes ahead and removes a tax code that allows banks and other financial institutions to not pay taxes as long as they buy a struggling company, again placing more and more of the burden of keeping this limping economy going squarely on the backs of the American people. I mean, come on! These are the institutions that I thought were supposed to be conducting business in the best interest of the American people! Seems to me, we are the ones suffering the most right now. We are the ones that need bailing out, not the institutions that got us in this mess in the first place. This is unreal!
Kim,
I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know what to say other than I'm praying that things fall into place quickly for you and Mark.
Diane
Kim, you and Mark are saints.
Don't look for any reward here.
It will come later...
when it counts.
I very much admire you, your family,
your values and your strength.
Craig Evans
Founder - Autism Hangout (dotcom)
Oh Kim... this is so unfair and so not deserved. I know Mark is a great guy (and great hubby and dad), and a talented and hard worker and that he will find another opportunity -- I just hope for all of you that it happens soon. You are an extraordinary woman with an extraordinary family and you deserve not just good things but great things and they should come your way (and will) instead of this news! I am pulling for all of you! Keeping all of you in our thoughts and prayers.
Kim
See Kim Stagliano's Profile
Thanks - this piece is about us, but it's not really about "us." There are millions of Americans desperately treading water,unsure of how they went overboard. A lot of us have kids on the spectrum. Or kids with other health issues that break the bank.
Here's to better times ahead.
K
You are so right, it is happening to far too many families across the country -- I just hate it even MORE when it happens to folks I know! These are nerve-wracking times for many of us, I don't know anyone feeling really secure these days no matter what they do, and knowing how much support our spectrum kids need makes it all the harder.
Here here to better days ahead!
Kim
I am so sorry Kim - blurry screen here too. How I wish things were better - God Bless all of you
Kim,
I am speechless.
Know that you will be in my prayers too. Unfair doesn't even come close to expressing the tragedy of all this. Love to you and your family. Better days have to come soon.
Maurine
Kim,
My heart is literally breaking for you. And quite frankly, I don't know what else to say but this:
*YOU* have an incredible gift when it comes to writing. Even as I read this post with tears in my eyes, *YOU* made me laugh. How, oh how can that be possible considering the *weight* of what you've just written?? It just doesn't make sense that I can *laugh* when all I want to do is cry for you.
And *that* is the hope you need to hang on to during this dark time. If you have the ability to make people laugh, even when all around you it's dark, then I'm guessing any book you write will be a bestseller, period.
You are *just that good* and I don't want you to ever give up on that dream.
Best to you, Mark and your beautiful girls. You will be in my prayers.
Kelli
Hi Kim,
Just chiming in with a little trans Atlantic support. I've got my own battles to fight in 2009 to see a little employment justice, a battle that will take an ethical UN employer to court to force them to practice what they preach. I comfort myself that if push comes to shove, I can find another job - my fight is one of self-interest and rights.
I'm sure that Mark will pick himself up from this setback. Other companies will be looking to get through this crisis by having the best people on board - out of adversity comes opportunity. You guys clearly understand what's right and what's important and I'm sure you won't loose sight of that or of your belief in each other. Your children are lucky indeed to have you.
Lighter days are drawing nearer!
Mike
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