Facebook And The Death of Mystery

I received an email recently notifying me that I was "tagged" in a facebook entry called "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" from an old friend. We actually went on a few dates many many years ago and I haven't seen him in about three years, but we've remained friends. Curious, I clicked on the link and learned twenty five things about him I never knew, like the rest of his four hundred friends. He's a very witty guy, so it wasn't quite like "I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain," but in another way, it was oddly close. By tagging me he was requesting, or essentially daring me, along with the other nine friends he had tagged, to do the same thing. I impulsively started to do it and then never posted anything.

My facebook life started off about a year and a half ago with friends and people I know closely, then my family started dribbling in, and the next thing I knew my friends included that person from a job I had ten years ago, students I've taught at art school, that really weird guy from high school, and an old roommate in college... and on and on it continued. That was the first sign of "friend leakage", where I had expanded beyond the scope of intimate friends and was venturing into people outside of my circle, but usually by only a few degrees -- at least I knew them.

Then things started getting out of hand. It started with a friend who is a supreme animal rights crusader with a very sexy, come-hither thumbnail picture. I haven't seen her in years but she wrote a book and is semi-famous for the cause, so because of her, I have about one hundred extra friends. I know this because when someone requests that they be my friend in Facebook, I can see all the friends we have in common. I kept seeing this one friend, and then I realized I had become a part of the save the animals movement because our mutual friends kept including the friends I had met through her. Honestly, I started to get a little loose about whom I would "friend"-- that's right, Facebook made me feel promiscuous-- I would wait then say, "Oh what the hell, after all, we have mutual friends." It was then when I truly appreciated the fractal component of the friending process.

"The Facebook Friending Process" (Illustration courtesy of Mandelbrot)

When I joined initially, I saw in Facebook something that resembled the early days of AOL when people were giddy about first sending emails and buddy lists and instant messaging were all the rage. Unlike many other people, who put videos of their kid's first step, pictures from their recent barbecue and the details of their love life (options are "single", "in a relationship", "married" and "it's complicated"), I try not to reveal too much -- at least I don't think I do -- but even that's getting blurry. At some point I must have made the decision that because I am an artist, my work is something I want and need to share, and I think of Facebook as one of many tools to do that. I've also come to consider one's digital footprint to be, in a sense, another form of existence outside of the physical body. And it's scope and appearance needs to be tended to so that it compositionally represents the portrait you want to present to the outside world.

But what struck me as so odd about the request for 25 secret things about me was I instantly envisioned that I could be creating a white paper on my entire spiritual, intellectual and life DNA. Imagine getting friended by someone who you've been set up with on a date, and he goes on your site to read what would ordinarily be doled out like pearls rolling down a pillow after an intimate evening over months or years of getting to know each other. If you fully fill out the profile questionnaire, you could let someone know every movie or favorite song you like, your favorite hobby and, along with your photos, video and baby pictures, it would read like a map of your very essence.


Kimberly Brooks. Detail from "Delivery" Oil on Panel. 2004

Ten years ago, I wouldn't have believed that Amazon would close Cody's Books on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley, along with countless other independent bookstores; that I'd see a "going out of business" sign at the Tower Records down the hill; that bloggers and aggregators would somehow supplant (usurp?) journalists for news sources and that the New York Times (The New York Times!) would mortgage it's building to stay alive.

I cannot help but to cast my mind forward. My ten year old son started a blog while we were at a dinner party. Now he wants to spend hours gathering cool content for it to show his friends. When he's not begging me for a phone, it's for me to blog about his blog so he can get a bigger audience. I wonder what they will call the generation who grows up with all this. I believe Time Magazine called mine "X" because it was right after the baby boomers and we hadn't defined ourselves yet (well, we showed them). Then came "Generation Y" because it was after us. I would rename this one Generation "E" for "Exhibitionist", (we can throw in "Exposure" and "Electronic" while we're at it.) These social networking applications are grafted onto their gray matter and perhaps they might never know what mystery is. They'll google or "friend" every classmate, teacher, co-worker, boss and know everything there is to know about that person. There will be no more boundary between "personal" and "professional". Everyone will engage in wanton fractal friending and be connected with each other and Kevin Bacon. Maybe, if everybody becomes friends, this is how we will achieve Peace on Earth!

My husband is not on Facebook. I'm kind of jealous. He talks to a small group of people one-on-one via email. Because at the end of the day, and I mean that quite literally, Facebook has become another inbox for me to check. Maybe it's because I always want to be mysterious or that as an artist, like Greta Garbo, "I just vant to be alone."

--
First Person Artist is a weekly column by artist Kimberly Brooks in which she provides commentary on the creative process, technology and showcases artists' work from around the world. Come back every Monday for more Kimberly Brooks.

Comments

[joesnuffy]

I think Facebook needs a facelift. I was talking to someone the other day regarding what to do about her ex-step-mother's request to be her Facebook friend. She said she doesn't want her ex-step-mother knowing the intimate details that she posts on Facebook for her close friends to see. And, as this article articulates, there are different levels of friends. There are really close friends, acquaintences, and everything in between. Why isn't there this distinction on Facebook - categories in which to place people that have different access clearances. Then you can keep in touch with your ex-step-mother without her knowing that you partied all night, Michael Phelps style, and woke up naked on your neighbor's front lawn.

[illmanic]

i know this has been said in many many ways, but i feel compelled to ask it again.

why are so many people on facebook and complaining about it?

i could understand this sort of complaint about, say cell phones. they are a technology that people often feel compelled to make use of even though they are ambivalent about it. but facebook? if you're really that unsettled about being on it, do what so many others have suggested - delete your account! recently i killed my account on virb, a networking site that allows you to share your art and music with others, because i didn't like the direction the site was going, and simply moved my music and info over to another site (bandcamp). there are so many choices out there for networking online, and no need to be on facebook if you really don't like it.

and as for complaints about others with an "unrealistic" amount of friends - the concept of a facebook friend is entirely different from that of an actual friend. think about how many acquaintances you have from your past and present. facebook is a way to keep in touch with those people. of course some folks just add anybody who asks them, but so what? most people, i think, are just keeping in touch or reconnecting with friends and acquaintences from the past. this is not at all the same as how we interact with our "real" friends in real life.

[jozinha]

Well written.

[army193]

What is facebook?

[melakfilms]

I will not lament my joining of Facebook. To be forthright, I'm just not an "internet" type guy. Cell phones themselves turn me off and I find myself wanting to take them out of peoples hands and throw them across the street into the park just to watch them go chasing after them. Having said that, I did sign up to Facebook at the behest of the best friend of my youth. It's been fun but I have had a couple of unsettling moments. My ex-wife's sisters all added me as friends. This caused me some heartache when she remarried and the sisters and all of THEIR friends were gobsmacked with such glee about her situation. Needless to say I had to drop out of Facebook for a couple of months. After I logged back on, I had an invitation to talk with the very first girl I ever had a crush on from middle school. Now we're speaking and it's been sweet, talking about all the nutty times we shared in our youth.

I will say that whenever someone sends me a KISS or a POKE or whatever the hell all those things are, especially surveys - I just decline them. Politely. But decline nonetheless. I have enough spam in my life. Doesn't mean I want to fall out of communication with my friends.

Take care. Please say hi to Albert.

[logologic]

Thank you. That was perfect.

[AlysonStern]

If you don't like social networking sites where friends share about themselves with one another, then don't participate.

[overcat]

The author seems to blame the technology for her own actions. Adding friends of friends? A choice. Whether or not to participate in 25 things etc. or any other feature of FB? A choice.

Facebook is what you make it, there's no arm twisting going on.

[Freedomscap]

I genuinely don't understand the purpose of Facebook. I'm on it, reluctantly, and I only have 10 friends -- however, I've noticed that many people have hundreds.

Naturally, they are using the word "friends" loosely.

Would you be "friends" with someone in cyberspace, that you wouldnt' want to be "friends" with in real life?

[zenlikejen]

Myspace sucks up just enough of my free time....why do I need to start ANOTHER "social networking" page?

Seriously - is there REALLY a difference between the two?

That being said - WHY are there so many articles about these sites and these silly quizzes?

[Shirley Fisk]

3/8/09
1:17pm
Indianapolis Central Library

MYSPACE mysteriously seized my account and wouldn't let me back in about a year ago so I was hesitant to join FACEBOOK but finally did. Recently.

I hope there is a difference between MYSPACE and FACEBOOK: that FACEBOOK won't seize my account for no apparent reason

[tjdestry]

You accept friend requests from total strangers who happen to be friends with someone you barely know, and you feel compelled to disgorge sensitive information just because you were asked?

Guess you're "jest a girl who cain't say no." If Facebook is the worst impact of that, you're also a very lucky girl.

[newmexicogold]

Those 25 secrets are my muse. I dribble them out, in fractions, with every piece I create. Since they are an intregal part of me, they will never be completely revealed until the final assembly, when I have passed from this earth.

[shadowgm]

I'm always leery of 'quizzes' like this. Are you inadvertently being so open that you might be giving away clues to a password or security question? Remember, a hacker got into Sarah Palin's Yahoo mail account with some very basic knowledge.

And really, all it takes for me to get inside that wall of confidence is to tag you with a frackin' quiz?

[illmanic]

first of all, you're not giving away clues to a password or security question unless you actually put them in the "25 things" note. there's no way to accidentally leak security information on facebook via posting a note and tagging friends, any more than there would be by posting a picture. the only way to give away your password in any setting is to tell people what it is directly, and the only accidental way to do so is via a phishing scheme (which i've only seen on email and websites, not on facebook) or by someone doing some real hacking into your account. the latter would only happen if they really cared about your info - which would mean you were pretty important and hopefully safeguarding your info in other ways anyway.

secondly, sarah palin is so clueless that she probably would fall for a phishing scheme. again, the majority of us are not in danger of leaking our passwords if we don't give them away to random strangers directly. and anyone could hack into our accounts if they really wanted to, but why would they? sarah palin is in a category of people that a) should not have a yahoo account in the first place and b) should be very very careful about protecting her data in general, as she is a potential target, for obvious reasons.

most of us are not important enough to be attacked by others just to get our facebook password. that's a good

[williamwilliam]

Back in the day, everyone wondered who all those people were that
were so hot to parade their souls in full regalia on the Jerry Springer
show or its 'reality tv' step children.

On this day, for these same people who once looked down their noses,
and for their children, facebook is indispensable.

I love the foibles of the human heart.

[DiscernTruth]

well said, williamwilliam!

[illmanic]

what's interesting about this article's focus on the "25 things" is that that particular game is really what you make of it, like the rest of facebook. obviously you could choose not to play, but even if you want to play you can list whatever you want and certainly keep whatever you want to yourself. i think that is the idea of the game, really - just to provide people with a few facts about you that you think they might find interesting. personally i've found the few "25 things" that friends of mine have written to be fascinating, and they have given me a lot of insight into what people choose to say about themselves. really the game isn't much different from an icebreaker at a meeting.

there are so many invasions of privacy in our lives today that it seems a bit odd to focus attention on a game that is simple to opt out of, (just like facebook). i get phone calls every other day about my car's expired warranty and deals on a satellite dish, calls that are directly linked to when i bought my car and the fact that the previous tenants in my apartment had a satellite dish. that seems more like a true invasion of my privacy, and my time. opting out of telemarketing calls is doable of course, but it takes some time and effort. ignoring the "25 things" game, on the other hand, takes no effort, just like deleting your facebook

[JGxHitzert]

I think you are right with this one. Our artist friend also needs to realize that others need ways to express themselves that might not be available to them because they don't communicate through art. Of course the value for her is much more different than for someone who isn't teaching and providing works for art shows. On some level one wonders if the artist here is reacting to the competition. Either way this sounds like more of an inelegant version of an Andy Rooney rant, whom I love because his rants usually have some elegance. So give it a rest and learn to edit yourself and appreciate the opportunity to indulge your voyeuristic impulse with those who feel less inclined. The last thing we need is a liberal blathering about the good old days for Chrissakes.