How do you politely describe your relationship with someone whose salary is considerably less than yours, with whom you go out socially, and with whom you are having killer sex? The new catchphrase for this type of relationship is "friendly benefits" and it is beneficial for both partners.
One of the two women I interviewed for this article told me that this is most likely the best type of relationship a successful woman can have with a man.
"He's an artist and doesn't make much money yet. I make more than enough for both of us. We agreed we don't want to live together. I'm much too independent for that and he understands how I feel. But I like going to the theatre, fine restaurants, and upscale resorts. I can easily pay. And I thoroughly enjoy his company. He's a charming man, intelligent and urbane. An added plus is that we have mind-blowing sex. Our arrangement is perfect."
Is this just an update on a woman being with a gigolo? You know the guy who was paid for sex, spoiled rotten, and the financially supported "play-male" of bored wealthy women of past generations?
Not at all. There are vast differences. For one, both the woman and the man work. No one supports the other. While the woman is more financially successful than the man, the money spent on a certain expensive lifestyle is enjoyed by both of them.
Secondly, each one knows exactly what they are bringing to the relationship. Shared interests are essential to both and sexual exclusivity is a must.
Third they are a dating couple where there is a great fondness but there may be no actual love.
They are more than friends but less than partners. There are no strings attached and each one understands the parameters of the relationship. It just might be the best of modern coupling!
The other woman I interviewed said that she feels happy, comfortable, and free in her relationship.
"We're compatible in all ways and I still have my freedom. It is like being perpetually engaged; all fun, parties, and magnificent dates, but none of the hassle of a marriage. Every time we see each other, it is for something pleasurable. There are no monotonous or boring moments because we know what our relationship is based upon. It is just sheer enjoyment."
Out of all the new types of relationships, maybe this is one of the better ones. It seems you can have your freedom, a great man to enjoy the best in life with, and fabulous sex as icing on your cake!
Not a bad concept in the world of dating at all!
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© 2014 copyright Kristen Houghton
Everything in our culture makes people, and women in particular, feel that after the age of 40, they're no longer sexually attractive, and this belief gets internalized. But researcher Gina Ogden, in conducting her famed Isis study (a national survey of sexuality and spirituality), found that women in their 60s and 70s were having the best sex of their lives -- people need to understand that the brain is the most important sex organ in the body!
Men and women get into sexual patterns in their teens, 20s and 30s that never change. So in recognizing this, we need to say, "the hardware is going to stay the same, but we can update the software." And you can update the software by trying different things, but mostly by getting to know yourself.
If your body is an instrument, then you're only going to get better by practicing. And quite frankly, from a health standpoint, there isn't a better use of your time. Men take erection-enhancing drugs to increase nitric oxide in the penile blood vessels, but they can increase nitric oxide themselves by improving their sex lives either on their own or with a partner. Orgasms trigger a huge burst of nitric oxide, which balances the neurotransmitters in your body -- the same neurotransmitters that people take drugs to balance. It's a shame because antidepressants lower one's ability for full sexual expression, so the one thing that could really decrease depression is the one thing that the drugs quiet down. People don't realize that you can turn on chemicals in your own body without importing unnatural drugs to do it for you.
If you're fit, you're much more likely to have a satisfying sex life. Being and feeling healthy and being and feeling sexy are synonymous. I just spoke to a 70-year-old friend of mine -- a total fox -- who's trying his luck on eHarmony. So we talked about what people in his demographic are looking for, and we both agreed -- health! When you're healthy and your hardware is working the best it can, you can focus on downloading new software.
Women need to understand that they are far more complicated sexually than men are. For men, the focus is in the genitals. But with women, sex is like a martial art, and women need to master that art and have the ability to move sexual energy around, manipulate sounds and focus on certain areas. The beauty of being over 50 is that you have more time to practice this. Women need 45 minutes to get fully turned-on. Do you know how long the average couple spends making love? 15 minutes. Slow down! Take time!
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