THE BLOG
09/23/2013 01:32 pm ET Updated Nov 23, 2013

Why We Can't Stop Bullying

Bullying is epidemic. It always was and, despite what school administrators tell the public, it is rampant today. The recent suicide of a 12-year-old girl who was viciously bullied online and in school attests to this.

The awful cruelties inflicted on children by other children is disturbing and sickening; it never really goes away.

Remembering what a bully has done to you is reminiscent of the scene in the movie Jaws where the characters, played by Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfus and Robert Shaw, are sitting on Quint's (Shaw's character), boat.

To pass the time, they start comparing the scars on their bodies. It was comic relief in a macabre sort of way, especially when Quint describes a scar with horrific clarity and is able to detail when and how he got it. The camera pans in on him and he relives the hellish experience as if it had happened just yesterday and not years ago.

My husband and I were doing something along the same order one night, sitting out on our deck.

It was the kind of silly, intimate thing couples do, a sort of show and tell of our respective childhood histories. His scars were from playing sports, a scar on his hand from a metal fence that got in the way of his jumping up to catch a fly ball during a baseball game, a deep cut on the leg that left its mark during a Lacrosse, a cut elbow sliding into third. He was proud of them all, even the small scar on his nose from trying to run up a playground slide during some forgotten game when he was 10-years-old.

Not to be outdone I showed him mine. See this one on my elbow? Tennis camp when I was 13. The tiny one here near my lip? A fall during ice-skating lessons.

Then there were my knees. He was surprised at the amount of scarring on my knees. I looked at them and sighed. Some of the scars, I told him, were from falling on a newly gravelled street when I was learning to ride my bike.

As he touched one long scar, he teased, "How long did it take you to learn to ride a bike?"

"Oh, that one isn't from falling, at least not off my bike. I was pushed off the steps a few times at school by some kids," I said it off-handedly, but he looked surprised. He hugged me tightly and said, "Those damn bullies." His remark made me think about the definition of the word bully. He was right of course. I couldn't help think about all the cruel things kids do to each other.

Kids, usually in groups, picking on other children unable or too afraid to defend themselves. Whether it is a case of actual physical abuse, name-calling, or electronic/media harassment, the stories of these bullies seems to be a weekly news item in the media.

The authorities in education seem to feel it is an epidemic and "indicative of the violent times in which we live." They make it sound as if bullying is some new byproduct of the 21st century. It isn't. Bullying has been around as long as the human race.

Anyone who is truthful about their childhood remembers instances of bullying in one of two ways. They were either the victims of violence themselves or they had been unwilling witnesses to a bullying incident. The fact is, bullying has been an unfortunate fact of life for too many generations of children.

You might wonder where the teachers were when bullying instances took place in years past and, why, if they knew about it, they never stepped in to stop it. Unfortunately, and unbelievably, educators chose to ignore these problems under the heading of "It's all a part of growing up." There were even some parents and other adults who felt the same way; it was just something that all children had to go through as a part of life. It is a startling fact, but this attitude still prevails in a few adults and educators today. In the past few years, schools have begun themes and discussions on stopping the harassment of children by other children. They role-play bullying in school assemblies, teach tactics for defusing situations, and stress respect for everyone.

Educators say that it is working, but is it really? There are too many instances that say it is not.

Some teens, and even pre-teens, chose suicide as a way to end their abuse. They are the most tragic victims. Boys who were hazed at football camp certainly were bullied in the most horrific way, both physically and emotionally. A video of a little boy being beaten by several older children on a school bus while others, including the bus driver, chose to look the other way is a horror we've seen on newscasts. With cruel intent, these people bullied, harassed, and cowed their victims. It is so bad that some parents whose children have been victims have resorted to hiring anti-bullying coaches to teach their children how to handle a bully.

Times are no different than they have ever been. Boys and girls on sports teams always bullied younger teammates, younger children have been subjected to cruelty on school buses by bigger kids; bullying has always been around. We need some radical changes.

As adults we tend to want our childhoods to have been free and happy and not shadowed by pain. The scars on my knees are pretty faded and most of the time I see only the ones that were caused by falling off my bike.

Bullying needs to be treated like the crime it is. Bullies under the age of 18 should be punished by the same laws as adults. When they are acting in a cruel manner, deliberately inflicting physical and emotional pain, they need to be made aware of the seriousness of their behavior. Bullies are, at heart, cowards, who only torment those whom they feel cannot fight back. Let these cowards tangle with law enforcement and judges. Make them as scared as they made their victims. Let there be no more childhood scars, visible or emotional.

© 2013 copyright Kristen Houghton
Read the just released Welcome to Hell by Kristen Houghton. An Amazon Kindle Best.

"And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First" ranked in the top 100 books by Tower Books.com

Kristen Houghton is the author of the hilarious book, No Woman Diets Alone -- There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut in the top 10 hot new releases at Amazon available now on Kindle, Nook, and all e-book venues.

You may email her at kch@kristenhoughton.com.