Life can become unruly at times, well actually most of the time. During a pivotal time in my life, I discovered the unspoken gift, forgiveness. Who would have thought that the greatest gift in my marriage would be forgiveness. After almost 17 years of marriage, my husband told me he had fallen out of love. Most people would have jumped to the conclusion that the marriage was over. Who would want to stay with a man after being told you are no longer loved by him?
Well that was not me! I refused to give up on my marriage and dig deeper into the "what happened". What was I doing wrong and how could I make some intentional changes? As I began to peel back the layers of how I saw myself, I realized the power of forgiveness.
You see I found myself living life through the expectations of others and not whom I was created to be. This may seem weird, but everything I did was for the good of others. But actually, it wasn't good for anyone especially me.
In order to have hope for my life, I made a decision to take care of one person first and it started with me. This was something extremely new, as I was the woman who was taking care of our 5 children, homeschooling them, supporting the husband in his career, taking care of the household duties, and serving in the church and community. I had to reflect on my past and see what was troubling me, who I was, and why I was holding myself hostage in perfectionism. In order to move on in the present, I needed to let go of the past. It's easy to try and to control the past, but once it happens, you only have one option....Let it go!!!
Shortly after that discovery, I needed to release those who wronged me and forgive them. Of course, I had to include my husband. But it wasn't just him, it was anyone who rubbed me the wrong way. You may not think that the little things matter, but boy do they! As a perfectionist, I wanted everything a certain way whether that was how the clothes were folded, the dishes washed, or even the mail sorted. Little things that really didn't matter in the bigger perspective.
So what better to do than to forgive! I think I lost about 20 pounds of unnecessary weight of guilt, blame, and shame. Seriously! It was the easiest trick to weight loss for the heart. Soon the discomfort of always needing to be right no longer controlled me. Instead, I was a butterfly with a mission to love differently with the unspoken gift, forgiveness.
The hardest action though was committing to forgiving myself. Once I understood what forgiveness was and how it affected my life, there was no question to forgive. But forgive me? That was unspeakable!
Forgiveness allows you to move from where you are and continue on your journey to where you desire to go. Without forgiveness, you lead a life of loneliness eventually turning to blame and bitterness. You are always searching for the bad and not cognizant of what you're doing.
Forgiveness means loving people where they're at. No expectations. Just simply love. No life is perfect. No person is perfect. Therefore leading a life with forgiveness allows you to give more than you take. It grants you opportunities to serve from the heart. You are giving everyone the chance to make choices to change their life.
There might be other gifts you would rather receive, but the greatest unspoken gift you can give to yourself and to the ones you love is forgiveness.
If you want to live a successful life, you need to extend forgiveness, the unspoken gift.
Forgiveness in the past brings joy in the present.
Forgiveness in the present stimulates hope for the future.
Forgiveness in the future allows dreams to be seen again.
Forgiveness, the unspoken gift.