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Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner

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It's Not a "Mommy War," It's a War on Moms

Posted: 04/13/2012 10:26 pm

There is no question that Hilary Rosen should have chosen her words more carefully when she said that Ann Romney, mother of five sons, "never worked a day in her life." Raising children is work. It's immensely rewarding work, but it's work just the same. Ann Romney is justifiably proud of the work she's done raising her children.

Now that the spotlight is on motherhood, rather than fanning the false flames of a "Mommy War" that doesn't really exist, it's time that we as a nation recognize that regardless of whether or not mothers' work is paid or unpaid, the work of caregiving is important to us all and should be valued.

That's right: Mothers' work should be valued.

But too often it's not.

We see this devaluation happen over and over again. From Rush Limbaugh falsely attributing gender pay gaps to maternity leave, to sensationalized headlines about a mother of five being dismissed as having "never worked a day in her life," to the all too common experience of wage and hiring discrimination against mothers, the devaluation of mothers is at a crisis point in our nation.

Take, for example, the wage cuts that women endure simply for becoming moms: Women without children make 90 cents to a man's dollar, mothers make 73 cents to a man's dollar, and single moms make only about 60 cents to a man's dollar. Women of color experience increased wage cuts. Further, a recent study found that with equal resumes and job experiences, mothers were offered $11,000 lower starting salaries than non-mothers (Fathers, on the other hand, were offered $6,000 more in starting salaries than non-fathers).

Since over 80 percentof women in our nation have children by the time they're 44 years-old, this means the majority of women in our nation are disadvantaged by discrimination at some point in their lives.

Every day, moms around the world are doing the hard work of raising children. This unpaid work involves making sure that children get the nutrition, care, education, and health care they need to grow up to be healthy, thriving adults who are part of our nation's economic success. In fact, an enormous amount of untracked, unpaid labor done by women is fueling our economy. According to a U.N. Human Development Report, "If these unpaid activities were treated as market transactions at the prevailing wages, they would yield huge monetary valuations -- a staggering $16 trillion... Of this $16 trillion, $11 trillion is the non-monetized, 'invisible' contribution of women." The work of moms -- both of moms who are in the labor force and those who are not -- is significant.

It's an understatement to say that this unpaid work is much easier to do when families are economically secure.

That's why it's so important that when the mom rhetoric starts flying, and everyone starts grandstanding about how much they value moms, we also talk about how important it is to advance public policies that allow all families to thrive.

Ann Romney had the financial resources she needed to be able to decide to stay home to raise her children while remaining fiscally solvent. This isn't always possible. In fact, families with a stay-at-home parent are seven times more likely to live in poverty, and millions of moms don't have the option to choose to stay at home because their wages are needed to put food on the table and a roof over the heads of their families. And with the cost of raising a child to age 18 (not including college) these days at over $200,000 per child, mothers' wages are increasingly needed to make ends meet.

Not surprisingly, at a time when the cost of raising children is so high, three-quarters of moms are in the labor force. And many moms go in and out of the labor force at different times in their lives, sequencing their careers, thus making the distinction between moms who are in the labor force, and moms who are outside of the labor force nearly irrelevant. Many moms have been both. The "Mommy Wars" of old no longer describe the reality that most families are living today.

Ultimately, whether mothers' work is paid or unpaid, all moms are concerned about their families' well-being and economic security. That's why we need strong policies that reflect the real composition of our nation's modern labor force, and that reduce discrimination against mothers and women. With women comprising 50 percent of the modern labor force for the first time in history, with a majority of moms now in the labor force, and with many families requiring the wages of moms to stay solvent, it's critical that family economic security policies that most other nations take as a given now move forward quickly:

  • We need equal pay laws to ensure that moms who work outside the home are paid the same as their male counterparts for the same work, so they can support their families.
  • We need earned sick days laws, so that parents who do work outside the home don't have to choose between a paycheck, or possibly losing a job, and staying home when they or a child are sick.
  • We need to have paid family leave after a new child comes into a home, so that parents can take time out of work to recover and to care for a new child without ending up stuck in a downward economic spiral (A recent study found that women who were able to take paid leave after the birth of a child were more likely to be working 9-12 months after giving birth than those who couldn't take paid leave, saving taxpayer dollars in the long run).
  • And we need affordable, enriching childcare opportunities so that parents can get to work and children can have a safe, educational place to be while parents are working. (Just a year of childcare costs more than college in many states right now!)


Without family economic security policies like these in place, and with the pervasive discrimination against moms, families are struggling. This has rippling repercussions on our children, with nearly 1 in 4 children in our nation experiencing food scarcity due to family economic limitations. This lack of policies and ongoing discrimination also has repercussions on moms and entire families. For example, right now, having a new baby is a leading cause of poverty spells in this country, and nearly a quarter of young families live in poverty.

It's not a "Mommy War" between paid and unpaid moms; it's a War on Moms.

It shouldn't be this way.

Mothers and families should be able to work hard and get what they need -- a good job, food on the table, good health care, and a safe place to call home.

To be frank, children are not only our hearts, they are the economic engine of our nation's future. And when we devalue the paid and unpaid work of moms, we devalue our future.

Let's take this moment when the eyes of our nation are focused on moms to recognize the value of all moms' paid and unpaid work, and to urge our elected leaders to support policies that allow both our families and our economy to thrive.

Let's end the War on Moms and stop adding fuel to fire the fake and divisive "Mommy Wars" between moms who are in the labor force and moms who are not; and instead come together to stop the discrimination against all moms, both paid and unpaid.

After all, the success of our families and our economy are intertwined.

It's past time for the war on moms to stop, for the war on families to stop, and for the war on women to stop. It's time to move forward together. For the good of our children, our economy and our future.

 

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There is no question that Hilary Rosen should have chosen her words more carefully when she said that Ann Romney, mother of five sons, "never worked a day in her life." Raising children is work. It's...
There is no question that Hilary Rosen should have chosen her words more carefully when she said that Ann Romney, mother of five sons, "never worked a day in her life." Raising children is work. It's...
 
 
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07:00 PM on 04/26/2012
We grew up in a household knowing women worked, and as children we tagged along and helped with the cleaning jobs. We knew our dad was in the military, our grandfathers were janitors,but also accepted than women worked. Until I was an adult I actually pretty much thought ALL women worked and owned property.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
dawacu
Jesus loves you
02:16 PM on 04/17/2012
Raising kids is the most important job anyone could possibly have. If someone is financially able to be a stay-at-home parent, they definitely should be. Nannies, day-cares, and baby sitters cannot replace a loving permanent caretaker (mom, dad, grandparent, etc.).
11:10 AM on 04/17/2012
I stopped reading after the first idiotic sentence of this article.
Rossen was right.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: you know what's harder than being a mother? Being a WORKING mother!
I was raised by a woman who worked three jobs while raising a kid. How about some appreciation for WORKING mothers instead of lavishing it on lazy rich ladies like Romney who could afford to pay a team of nannies to raise her kids?
10:09 AM on 04/17/2012
Who is going to pay for all the things you suggest the government should provide? We are running out of money to take from people.

Keep taking my money, and I'll simply get on some government aid of any kind, and ride it to the system collapses. There is no point to me working two jobs if programs like this are instituted that discriminate against people that don't have kids. Might as well live off your hardwork to the system crashes. In fact, keep working. I'll be depending on your money in the future. (I'll rally enough people to simply vote myself you're money, senior citizen style.)

Oh and what about stay at home dads? In my crappy town, thats about half of the population that has children. Sexism is supposed to be wrong, or at least thats what you keep drumming into us in the classroom.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Bruce H Majors
Libertarian for Congress
05:40 AM on 04/17/2012
Both parents have to work to pay for the massive taxes and inflation caused by Obama's failed stimulus and massive debt, which is even worse than that of his predecessor.

Rosen and her ilk are clueless about these real issues, since they love by exploiting the tax serfs.

And they are liars. Jay Carney is Rosen's neighbor, but claimed he did not know her.

It takes less than 10 minutes to walk from Rosen's house to Carney's

youtube.com/watch?v=_91oFlIxfl4&sns=em
04:01 PM on 04/16/2012
Can someone explain me how difficult it is to raise 5 kids when you have nannies and maids, and have plenty of times to go to beauty salons, wellness centers and ride horses? I guess there is something that I am missing here and I am just trying to understand.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Bruce H Majors
Libertarian for Congress
05:43 AM on 04/17/2012
When their children were born they lived in a $75 a month basement apartment.

Son sad for you that your impoverished upbringing gave you such a poor early education that you spout off without doing any research

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/15/us/politics/15romney.html?_r=2&pagewanted=all
02:09 PM on 04/17/2012
So sad, that you don't know how for read between the line of the article you mentioned. You forgot that Mitt Romney was the son of a wealthy politician "...a sheltered child of privileges..." and everything he did was by choice, not by obligation. The article stated that they live a $75/month basement. That was in the 60s!!! What do you know about rent rate in the 60s near Standford? Are you sure that they did not have a nanny and a maid at that time to take care of the household when they studied (she also attended Brigham and went to Harvard)? But, mainly, they had one son at that time, not 5. FYI, I was raised by nanny so I know exactly what I am talking about.
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HUFFPOST PUNDIT
satanlite
Liberal blogger
02:32 PM on 04/16/2012
Don't forget DADS that stay at home too. We deserve the same respect and accomadations. Please do not make this gynocentric - it's a war on PARENTS.
11:52 AM on 04/16/2012
So, exactly how does this work? If my hypothetical wife stays home to raise the children and run the household, I should pay her (just picking a number) $80,000? Do I treat her like an employee and pay the appropriate taxes? Does she then pay income tax on that $80,000? Do I get to deduct that money from my earnings? Seems like the family income would stay the same, but taxes would increase. If I am paying her, is it insubordination if the house is not tidied? Do I give bonuses if the kids do better in school this year compared to last?

Where do these valuations come from anyway? For that part in which the stay-at-home parent is applying a bandaid, are they considered to be doing medical work and paid accordingly for that time? (Although, without a degree, I don't know any doctor who legally is paid anything.) Mind you, when a doctor's fee is calculated, there is the understanding the doctor will pick up his overhead costs. Is that calculated in these seemingly inflated "values" for stay-at-homes? I'm not saying that stay-at-homes do not have tremendous value. I'm wondering at the seemingly ridiculous numbers that get bandied about and accepted without thought.

Mind you, thought is often the enemy of many movements.
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Chris1962
NYC
05:36 PM on 04/16/2012
>>>If I am paying her, is it insubordination if the house is not tidied? Do I give bonuses if the kids do better in school this year compared to last?>>>

ROFL!
04:41 PM on 04/21/2012
I suggest you read Riane Eisler's book The Real Wealth of Nations. It describes how our economic system considers cleaning up environmental disasters as Gross Nation Product. In addition, the health costs of pollution are rarely calculated as a loss against the profits of the businesses responsible for that pollution.
People also seem to forget that society wouldn't be warehousing so many criminals if pregnant women received the proper nutrition and were educated with their partners about good parenting. Healthy and emotionally balanced children who feel loved grow up to be productive citizens.
Doesn't it make more sense to pay in the beginning to support parents and children so that you aren't paying later for court cases, prisons, and catastrophic health care?
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07:40 AM on 04/16/2012
Let's cut to the chase. The reason people are reacting to the thought of Ann Romney "advising" Mitt on women's issues, economic or otherwise, is that Mr. Romney's policy proposals so far are overtly hostile and damaging to women. Just as the Republican party's positions seek to undercut women, Mr. Romney's proposals will affect women adversely.

He's using her for cover, and Hillary Rosen called them out!
11:50 AM on 04/16/2012
How? What policy?
05:15 PM on 04/16/2012
Republican policies are damaging to women....

Are you just quoting Maddow, now?

Seriously, how do Republican proposals undercut women? By fostering the economy as a whole, everyone benefits.

Sorry that there isn't a separate economic agenda with government handouts for GLBT, hispanics, blacks, women, and other groups. Society as a whole benefits when everyone works from the same pie, not by separating it into racial or tribal groups for electoral gain.

Get with the f&$king program
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07:18 PM on 04/16/2012
You mean like the same rules for the 1% and the 99%?

Oh, I forgot. Romney wants to cut taxes for the rich!
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Ellamenta
Oh no! My microbio has gone viral!
12:57 AM on 04/16/2012
No, it's not a war on moms. It is a war on the 1% of extremely well-off moms who are completely out of touch with the harrowing day-to-day concerns of the 99% of moms who must worry about getting food on the table, clothes for their growing children, and gasoline in the car, and nevertheless are held out as "experts" on the concerns of those 99%..
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texastrixie
I invented the internet.
06:40 AM on 04/16/2012
EXACTLY. New favorite!
11:51 AM on 04/16/2012
the 1% like Hilry Rosen?? Miss CEO .. angry lesbian attacking a Traditional Family?? That's right, Rosen has twins and is a multi, multi millionaire .. represents the 1% ..
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Dee-Dee
Positive Please
04:44 PM on 04/16/2012
and she's a working outside of the home mom. I guess she knows the dignity of work outside the home.
08:29 PM on 04/15/2012
Read an article detailing that approx 20 states have already privatized teacher retirement programs for the benefit of the financial institutions...14 states have enforced an offset law meaning that if you collect teacher retirement, you may not collect a deceased spouses social security...not your own social security if you haven't paid into the system, but your spouses. The reason...they say that since the average retirement of a teacher is $30,000 so those who receive this amount do not need to collect their deceased spouses social security. Is this offset law being applied to all workers? Is this offset law being applied to our congressional leaders...the problem is, many public workers don't have huge lobbying groups supporting them or fighting for their rights. If you wonder why our educational system is deteriorating, here is a prime example of lack of respect. People can work for 30+ years and be told that they are to live below proverty level and that they have no right to collect spousal social security upon their death. Let's limit the retirement benefits of our do-nothing congressional leaders to $30,000 per year. Women make up over 95% of the educational work force...if these positions were held by men, this would not even be an issue...however, male teachers are receiving the same disrespectful treatment. Our Governor, Rick Perry, will receive two pensions...bc he has earned that right? Where are the rights of teachers and other public workers?
11:52 AM on 04/16/2012
I'd take a teachers retirement age and pension any day ...
10:49 PM on 04/16/2012
I'd rather take our congressional leaders retirement age and pension...full salaries after only 5 years as long as they have reached the age of 50...meaning they will receive $174,000 or more the rest of their lives...

Teachers receive an "average" of $30,000 after 30 years and most cannot retire until their age and experience equal 80. That means many receive less than $30,000...

Poverty is considered to be $40,000 currently...glad you think our children's teachers should live below the poverty level after decades of dedication...yet, congress has made their retirement full after only 5 years. I don't know any teachers making $174,000 per year...
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Dee-Dee
Positive Please
04:46 PM on 04/16/2012
You are mistaken. States can't decide how the federal government pays out social security benefits.
10:37 PM on 04/16/2012
Not mistaken at all...you would think that is the case...have multiple friends that are teachers and in 14 states teachers, public workers cannot receive spousal survival benefits if they get their own govt pensions...no one quite understands how states can be different. There is a formula...basically, for example, in the state of TX, teachers do not contribute to ss, so it makes sense they cannot collect it on their own behalf. It does not make a bit of sense that they cannot receive spousal benefits; there are bills before the house and senate to repeal the law...however, since it doesn't impact all states there is not alot of public pressure...

Here is a quote simplifying the law in the 14 states...

That same government pension will offset, and usually eliminate, any Social Security benefits employees may be due on a spouse's Social Security record. The law requiring this reduction is the government pension offset.

Totally unfair and needs to be repealed...one source stated that the govt decided that if a govt employee makes $30,000/year they do not need their spousal ss...yet there is no "means testing" is two adminstrators make over $100,000 per year from their govt pension, etc.
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LA Crystal
07:05 PM on 04/15/2012
This is a ridiculous example of much ado about nothing. I'm a mom and I worked AS WELL AS RAISED MY KIDS!! So stop it. We know raising kids is tough. It is nice for those who chose/choose to stay at home IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT. But seriously, are we comparing their hard work to the single waitress mom? Cry me a river. I don't necessarily see it as noble, although it may be. It's certainly NO MORE NOBLE THAN THE SINGLE MOM WHO MUST WORK. So if anyone comes at me about the Hillary Rosen statement, they're not going to find the typical mushy politically correct (apparently) reaction. Ann Romney had maids and nannies, I'm sure. I doubt she worked as hard as most stay-at-home moms. So why is it such an elevated position over the very difficult struggles of women who MUST work outside the home and THEN come home to take care of the kids, the home, cook dinner, etc. I'm sick of this crap.
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Patrick Garcia
07:59 PM on 04/15/2012
One of the best responses to this issue, I have read to date. Great job!
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blue rylie
I'm Prochoice Because I'm a Mom
08:42 PM on 04/15/2012
I've done all three. I've been a single working mom, a married working mom, and a stay at home mom. I've yet to have a nanny or a maid, but there's not an angle of this otherwise that I haven't experienced first hand. Each has its unique challenges as well as its unique benefits. I worked my butt off as a married working mom, as a single working mom, and as a stay at home mom. Kids are a 24/7 job, but when you work that means that 40 hours (or so) a week someone else is picking up the toys and wiping the tooshies. You are working on the job, someone else is working with your kids...and then you come home and work with your kids. When you're a stay at home mom, it's non-stop on the job with the kids. Regardless, I've always put in a 6am-11pm day whether I was at home or working outside the home.

The whole point of this is that we need as a nation to be respecting the women/moms of this nation instead of tearing each other down. We need to be supporting one another and building each other up. When we tear each other down, we divide ourselves and the politicians know it....and then nothing changes for us. Child care doesn't improve, schools don't improve, leave time for working moms doesn't improve and so on.
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NOTSUPERMOM
A waste of a perfectly good Yale education
01:07 AM on 04/16/2012
F&F -- Kudos for the best comment yet. It's a pleasure to read.
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Jeffersonian72
Future defender of good ideas.
04:25 AM on 04/16/2012
I completely follow what you're saying there. My own mother went through all of the same stages.

And while, as a child of that I cannot exactly say I know how it feels (I don't, and I won't cheapen it by saying I can 'relate') I have to look at how my mom went through those stages, how she had to adapt, how she had to continually augment her existence to deal with being 1. broke and 2. constantly depressed.

I think that the point of the Rosen/Romney issue is that I really doubt that a stay at home mom (with 3 homes) with a monstrous bank account has to deal with things. Does she have to change diapers? probably. Does she have to take them to school? hopefully. Does she have to feed them? without a doubt.

But does she have to worry about paying for their public school lunch program? No. Does she have to worry about if there's going to be food to eat until payday? No. Does she have to worry about if that car she's had for the last 10 years is going to make it one more day to the school? Did she have to worry about the saddest part...even paying for those diapers? Getting a college fund going, and desperately trying not to take anything from it when that cast needs to get put on in fourth grade? Keeping the electricity on? Keeping the roof above their heads?
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Willow712
democratic socialst
06:20 PM on 04/15/2012
Hilary Rosen should have added "never worked a day in her life as a working mother struggling on the economy to keep the bills, mortgage and family going." She just stopped too soon. I knew what she said and what she meant.

Ever notice that when some Republicans somewhere are going to pass a law that nobody is going to like, they word twist and use something so simple to fix to blow up to cover their bill passing . While all of this was going on, Gov. Brewer passed several laws, she vetoed the Ledbetter law in Arizona, and passed laws on abortion and contraception. And nobody noticed because everybody was watching Ann romney and all that confusion. they've done this before. they take something so innocuous and make a big deal, and while the media is watching this, some Repub somewhere passes bills that nobody wants. Walker in wisconsin is a master at this. He learned that you pass these bills when nobody's looking instead of in front of a big demonstration.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Rational-
12:40 PM on 04/16/2012
Here we go with the class warfare. Pathetic. Being wealthy is not a bad thing Willow...contrary to what OBAMA would have you believe.
Walker is a hero as he confronted head on Wisconsin's massive debt incurred by democrats with the help of massively gluttonous unions.
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springsm
06:20 PM on 04/15/2012
Another misleading headline from the likes of the 7th graders geting credit for "print". It is a war on women, no matter what vocation, career, profession or occupation that they choose...or is their's because they have no choice. It is true that never has Ann Romney had to work outside the home in order to make ends meet, feed the family, give shelter, be a teacher of the kids, etc. She was already set up by Mitt. Rosen was right on with her comment. If a mom at home needs to take offense at this, she has that right. I just prefer to say "would you like to rephrase that please" and most people 'get it'. But all this hullabaloo is nonsense. Ann Romney offended. Geez whiz..get a grip.
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JBaker
fictio cedit veritati
04:59 PM on 04/15/2012
Raising children is hard work. But Ms. Rosen's assertion remains valid to the extent that Mrs. Romney does not know the pressures of backstabbing office-politics, or the fear of losing a job and plunging an entire family into poverty. But I don't question that Mrs. Romney worked hard at being a mother.
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NOTSUPERMOM
A waste of a perfectly good Yale education
01:12 AM on 04/16/2012
But neither does Mitt! Mitt never worried about any of that stuff -- heck, he was the one *doing* the backstabbing and firing. That's the point -- it should never have been connected to whether the clueless, elite, self-congratulatory "work" was done in or out of the house. Neither Mitt nor Ann knows a thing about economic worry, period.
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Rational-
12:52 PM on 04/16/2012
"Neither Mitt nor Ann knows a thing about economic worry, period"
And Barrack or Michelle does?

One could make an argument that, based on Obama's presidential track record, HE'S the one that should know economics and apparently this 3.5 years of campaigning (which dems refer to as Obam's Presidency) has been a miserable failure.
I really could care less what Ann Romeny or Rosen have to say. Let's talk about something substancial like what we can do to reverse Obama's economic failures!