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Stuff That Happens in the World When We're Watching Nickelodeon

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Turn on any TV in our house and it's invariably on a station that has a talking animal of some sort. At the end of the day, we might find out from someone on Facebook or maybe our husbands that something important happened in the world. And that something has nothing to do with finding a missing sock or knowing what Blue was trying to clue us in to.

We've petitioned Nick Jr. and its cohorts to put a news ticker at the bottom of the screen. Until then, we'll be providing the important news of the week. Without all the yelling and throwing of poo. Hopefully.

THE BIG MIDEAST (UN)EASY:

First it was Tunisia. Then Egypt. The Yemen, Jordan and Libya. It seems their people would like to be led by people who are reasonable and maybe even a little bit benevolent and -- minimum requirement here, folks -- don't shoot their own people. And while most of these countries have paid attention, it seems that one in particular has decided to ante up the shooting of their people by shooting. even. more. of. their. people. Why? Because their leader is a Giant Ball of Crazy.
The whole world has since gotten together to say, "Hey, why don't you maybe go live on a beach and then we won't need to come in and introduce you to missiles?" Sadly, Colonel Giant-Ball-Of-Crazy said no, and now the world is going to decide what to do next. We expect he'll get sent to his room without dinner.

CAPITOL PUNISHMENT
In U.S. news, we're this close to yet another government shutdown. All those guys that we just voted for because they're smart and professional and only want the best for America have joined rival play groups and are basically threatening to hold their breath until they turn blue unless the other side caves and gives them what they want.
What are they? Four? Do they not remember the rules of kindergarten? Play fair. That means when you say you're going to do something, you do it. Don't take things that aren't yours. That would be the money part. Put things back where you found them. We'd appreciate waking up tomorrow with our country where we left it when we went to bed last night, thanks. Clean up your own mess. Stop threatening to take your ball and go home. You want what's best for America? Guess what? This fighting? NOT. BEST. FOR. AMERICA. How about this, children? Put on your big boy pants, act like grown ups, and do the right thing. Otherwise, next November you'll become very familiary with another lesson you learned in Kindergarten. Flush.

SPEAKING OF BALLS
By next Monday, you'll have your TV back in the evenings to watch all things Idol-y and CSI-y and Modern Family-y. And all that talk about brackets and underdogs and Cindrella and seeds will all be over. And some team that goes to school somewhere will win something and your husband will be mad because he blew fifty bucks betting on Kansas. We sorta think it's poetic.

NOT WINNING!

In "celebrity" news, it seems that Mr. Tiger Blood himself -- Charlie Sheen -- is having a hard time with his recently announced comedy tour. No, not in ticket sales. But rather, the fact that no hotel is willing to let him and his crew and his "goddesses" encamp in their rooms.
The New York Plaza Hotel has already made it clear that the Big Winner isn't welcome back after recently trashing one of their suites. Then the Trump Soho and the Waldorf Astoria joined in the banning. Pretty soon, we'll expect that the only place left will be the one "hotel" that doesn't offer room service, but they'll make up for it by including complimentary syphillis.

AND, FINALLY...
In the world that combines trading up, hot dates and all things Twilight...pretty Ashley Green -- you know, Alice Cullen -- HAD been all snuggley with Joe Jonas. Three days after the breakup, she's all snuggley with Jared Followill. He would be the bass player for the Kings of Leon. Hold up.
So, she trades a boy for a man; and a singer for a freakin' ROCK STAR. Well done, Alice Cullen. Bet you saw that coming a mile away, didn't you?