Usually we just talk football at Chicks in the Huddle, but I recently received an email asking for a little love advice. Now, I don't claim to be the next coming Ann Landers--or even Dr. Drew--but never one to ignore a faithful reader, I thought I'd give it a shot.
Dear Bucs Chick,
I have a love quandary. Last year, I divorced my wife of seven years, "Grudina." She was a very successful woman, had an impressive background, and most of my friends really respected her--even though some didn't like her much. See, while she was a good wife, she was also very overbearing and narcissistic and demanded things go her way all the time. Eventually, I realized we would both be better off without each other, and I ended the marriage.
A few months after the divorce, I met a new lady. I'll call her "Morrisetta." She was young and enthusiastic and kind to everyone. I wasn't sure if she would be a great life-partner, but I knew a couple of my friends had their eyes on her, so I decided to date her anyway. Our relationship has been rocky. My friends all think she is wishy-washy, and she says lots of dumb things. I think maybe she's just young, and things in our relationship are already improving a little, but I don't want to lose all of my friends while she matures.
Here's the real problem: There's a new lady at my office who is everything Morrisetta is not. She's older, more sophisticated, has a very successful career and stellar upbringing. She's also divorced after a very long marriage, and I think we can really relate to each other. I know she brings a lot to the table and that many of my friends would be thrilled for me to date her. On the other hand, the new woman, "Cowherique," is a lot like my ex-wife--strong personality, set in her ways, etc. Would I be making a mistake to drop my current girlfriend to woo Cowherique? First, I don't even know if she's interested. Second, I'm worried it's a mistake to date someone so much like my ex-wife. And third, what if Morrisetta leaves me and is a great wife for someone else?
Glazed and Confused
Dear Glazers, erm, Glazed and Confused:
First of all, I'm glad to see that you are taking the time to consider all of the options before rushing to a decision that could hurt you down the road. While there's no clear right or wrong answer, here are my thoughts:
You mentioned that you started dating Morrisetta in response to a failed marriage. Yes, you have had a rough start to your relationship, but you clearly value her spirit, kindness, and potential--all things that you did not see in your past wife and that you realized in hindsight you needed for future success and happiness.
And though you admired Grudina's strong nature and take-charge attitude, ultimately these were the things that destroyed your marriage. If you recognize the fact that these characteristics of Grudina's are the exact same ones that are drawing you to Cowherique, it seems foolish to expect that a relationship or marriage would ultimately work out with her.
Not to be glib, but you've heard the saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
The difficult part, Glazed and Confused, is that ultimately Morrisetta may not be the ideal person for you. But, in my opinion, it is too soon to make a final pronouncement. Because she is already showing some potential and because she is willing to grow, I say give Morrisetta one more shot. And I assure you that if she does mature over the course of your relationship, your friends will gradually come on board as well.
Cross-published at chicksinthehuddle.com.
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