A Case in Race: A Case in Foster Care

Not one news program today went by without a story about race: Glenn Beck calls our
President a racist, the professor and the police officer await a beer to find resolution, and an email surfaces disparaging Professor Gates. But hey, let's find the teachable moment.

As adults, we have come to believe that our children--or their children --will ultimately be the ones to learn not to just tolerate people, but actually appreciate, accept and love everyone for their humanity, while at the same time honoring their heritage. But how can we expect this to occur when everything they like, watch and participate in is still scrutinized through the eyes of adults with their own biases? How can our 11-year-old former foster child return home after an unsuccessful placement, when she is black and we are white? Because those who see her once a month, for an hour, or never at all, have determined that her identity has been compromised because she likes the wind to blow her hair when the car window is down, and she has a crush on Nick Jonas?

This is all too familiar in our foster care system. Children are placed in the only home available. The child adjusts, and in this case thrives (after a rocky start)--academically, socially and emotionally. Since we are forever mindful that foster care means family, she is placed with a family member. We all decided to co-parent so she can sustain our relationship, continue with her friendships, and attend school with her classmates from last year.

We have not left her, we are remaining in her life, while she reconnects with family.

Unfortunately, the placement doesn't work out and the child calls her lawyer to ask to come home. Lawyer files motion, motion is denied, and now she is in a black home an hour away.

The system is satisfied, yet the child is not. She will now know who she is because her caretakers are black, so it is believed. Again, remember that she wants to come home.

I wasn't born yesterday and know that race is an issue in our society. But once again, it lies within the minds of adults, not our children. Haven't we all seen two children playing and at the end of playtime say, "What is your name again?" They don't care about your name just as long as you are nice.

All this child wants is her friends back, her room, a home where adults care for her when she is sick, where she had a ton of laughs throughout the day and a great school where she was one of the most popular students. All we want is to see that smile and little person come bouncing through the door saying "How was your day? And what happened in the world today?"

Is that too much to ask? Is that really about race? Spend a day with her and you will discover it is not.

Let's face it. While we wait for our children to change our world, we taint them in the process. In doing so, we undercut whatever advantage they might have to make things right. For our most vulnerable children-- those in the foster care system-- these imposed biases can do great damage. All children love to learn about their own and others' cultures. They want to know the trials and triumphs that accompany every member of this human race. Let them have it. Let them lead.

Comments

[lainey]

Mrs. Rony,
Thank you for your post and your thoughts. You are right, "the job of a good foster parent is to help the child. Period." The child (especially one the system has given a lawyer as their voice), needs someone to listen to them. As for "taking a poor persons child for their own", when was the last time you made that decision? Where you there when those decisions were made? No. You were just on the receiving end of the call, "can you take this child....", and you gladly opened your heart and home. Here's to you and all the children in your home.

[lainey]

As the author of the piece and one who is mindful of always reuniting the child with family--we encouraged connection with her mother and all family members, we won't comment on what we will do as long as the judge says that she should be with her mother, and we spoke of her mother often in our home--I am not at all surprised by your response. Unfortunately, systems who work with foster children look at numbers and statistics as opposed to the child themselves. Each child is different and each child deserves to be heard, in their own voice and in their own way. Again, let the children lead. They can see things far better than any adult I have ever known.

[rwexler648]

Oh, there’s a race problem in child welfare alright: Minorities, especially African Americans are far more likely than whites to be accused of child abuse and their children far more likely to be taken from them, often for little reason except that the family is poor. Give caseworkers identical hypotheticals – except for race – and they are more likely to deem the child “at risk” if he’s described as Black. For details, see the Issue Paper on Child Welfare and Race at www.nccpr.org

But you won’t see *that* on Huffpost, where you only get to Blog on child welfare if you subscribe to the white upper-middle-class liberalism of noblesse oblige.

The job of a good foster parent is to help birth parents get their children back whenever it is safe to do so - because that is the best and safest option for most children most of the time - not step right up and take a poor person’s child for their very own, all the while drenching your claim to that person’s child in the equivalent of Colbert-like bromides about not seeing color. (By the way, when Colbert says it, it’s satire.)

Richard Wexler
Executive Director
National Coalition for Child Protection Reform
www.nccpr.org

[MrsRony]

"The job of a good foster parent is to help birth parents get their children back whenever it is safe to do so - because that is the best and safest option for most children most of the time - not step right up and take a poor person"s child for their very own,"

Wow really?? As a black foster parent I am so freaking offended by that statement! One problem doesn't negate the other. This problem is serious regardless if the foster parent is black or white. We need to start evaluating the damage being done ripping these kids out of homes they have bonded in. Reunification at all cost is causing tremendous damage to children and no one seems to give a damn or be equipped to deal with or even acknowledge it! Family is not always best...your "most" is generous. The job of a good foster parent is to help the child. Period. It is the job of the state and county and PARENT and FAMILY to help the parent get their kids back. Foster parents are usually the only true advocate for the child.

Get off YOUR high horse. Its YOUR head in the sand if you think these kids spend weeks or months or YEARS with another family and go back "home" and live happily ever after without a second thought or abandonment issues. Take a poor persons child for their own??? F-U if you think that what "most" foster parents are do.