12 Ways to Stop Arguing and Start Communicating with the Man (or Woman) You Love

04/27/2015 02:30 pm ET | Updated Jun 27, 2015

In the 1967 movie, Cool Hand Luke, the prison warden says to Luke, "What we've got here is a failure to communicate."

How about you? Do you have a failure to communicate with that special person you love? Are you constantly arguing and fighting over all kinds of issues in your relationship. Do you disagree a lot because you have very different ideas about people you know, places you go and things you do, including how your relationship should operate?

Well, here's a reality check for you: if your Sun signs are well suited you may feel a basic attraction to someone. And, if your Venus signs are compatible you may feel a real love connection; and, if your Mars signs are well matched, you may feel incredible passion and a strong physical chemistry for that person. But if your Mercury signs are not compatible you'll end up disagreeing, arguing and fighting much of the time you're together.

Mercury is the planet that rules our intelligence, mind, memory and, all types of communication ranging from talking and texting to writing. It also affects our self-expression and communication style. How Mercury functions in a person's birth chart explains a great deal about how they think, formulate ideas and communicate them. It indicates how someone makes sense of the everyday world they live in.

A person's Mercury sign tells us how easy or difficult it is to communicate with them, especially about sensitive issues. It helps explain why we have similar ways of thinking about all kinds of matters or, why we tend to have radically different ideas than they do.

The sign that Mercury is in can tell us whether a person is likely to communicate in an honest, positive and optimistic manner, or more negatively in a secretive or deceptive way. Their sign can also tell us whether they are prone to use their communications to put down others, be extremely critical, sarcastic or argumentative.

So, if you're going to get along, have harmonious communication and compatible ideas with your partner, it's important to know what your Mercury signs are.
At the end of this article, you can use the FREE Transit Calculator to find out your Mercury sign (and your partner's). Then, look it up (in the list below) to learn about the unique way that you (and they) think and communicate, and the signs you'll be most compatible communicating with. Here is a list of the 12 Mercury signs:

Mercury in ARIES

If you have Mercury in this sign you're likely to be witty, aggressive and even outspoken. Your way of thinking is both decisive and competitive. When in conversation you can be funny but at times, a bit biting and sarcastic in your tone. Because you're eager to get things done, you can be impatient which can cause you to be argumentative and tactless. Your impulsive nature can result in your speaking before you think about what you're about to say. You're capable of communicating in a warm, enthusiastic way but just remember to slow down and be more diplomatic to avoid hurting the other person's feelings.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Aries, Leo, Sagittarius and Libra.

Mercury in TAURUS

You have a very pleasing and social way of communicating with people. Your very methodical and practical mind gives you real common sense and helps you construct solutions to intellectual problems. But you have to guard against your tendency to be rigid in your thinking and slow to change your mind - once it's made up. You have a much higher regard for your ideas than other people's, which can cause you to listen inattentively to what they think. You have great powers of concentration and tend to enjoy reading because it teaches you a great deal about life, especially how to manage your financial affairs. You are especially interested in topics that relate to beauty and how to enjoy your life more fully.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn and Scorpio.

Mercury in GEMINI

You have a versatile mind that can perceive the truth through the facts that you gather. Mercury in Gemini tends to give you a quick mind that engages in doing 10 things, while only finishing three of them. Some times your problem is that you aren't "stick-to-itive," which can be irritating to people who depend on you. You're witty and charming in your communication, and change your opinions often, depending on what news you've heard recently. You're extremely intellectual and your mind needs lots of stimulation and knowledge. Despite having a variety of interests, your grasp of anyone of them tends to be superficial. Sometimes, you have the attention span of a gnat. You are fun to be around because you've got a great sense of humor and love to talk.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Gemini, Libra, Aquarius and Sagittarius.

Mercury in CANCER

You have an excellent memory. But your thinking is highly susceptible to attitudes and opinions of the people around you, which is why you take their comments very personally. Though you wear a warm friendly face, your feelings can easily be hurt, even if you pretend you aren't affected. Your moody nature occurs because you have a mind that is influenced by unconscious desires and deep-seated emotional patterns. They can interfere with your objective thinking. Because of your acute sensitivity, you have an almost psychic ability to read the thoughts of others and communicate in a personal way with them.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces and Capricorn.

Mercury in LEO

This Mercury position gives you mental self-confidence, and a strong will capable of very focused concentration. It also gives you a charismatic way of communicating and a dramatic flair in the way you express yourself. You have a very organized mind that knows how to direct and manages the tasks you undertake. Your opinions are formed slowly and changed with reluctance. You can be stubborn with a tendency to come off egotistical, arrogant and temperamental when passionately discussing your beliefs. You have great enthusiasm and a positive manner when tackling and solving problems.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Leo, Aries, Sagittarius and Aquarius.

Mercury in VIRGO

You have a quick mind, enjoy learning and have an excellent memory. Mercury in this position gives you great practical reasoning ability and a keen aptitude for scientific work and research. It also gives you a very detail-oriented and analytical mind that is emotionally detached. You're a bit of a perfectionist, unable to tolerate people who are sloppy in their thinking. You tend to have a nervous disposition and worry a lot. While you can be very discerning thinker, your very critical nature can become over concerned with details.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Virgo, Taurus, Capricorn or Pisces.

Mercury in LIBRA

This Mercury position gives you a mind that is concerned with human relations and loves psychology. You have a strong sense of justice and tend to be very honest in your communication. You dislike coarse language and crude behavior. Even though you have great intuition, you tend to intellectualize your decisions and weigh your choices with all the pro s and cons before you decide. Then, after you've decided, indecision can plague your thinking. You have such a strong need to be liked and approved of that can cause you to go along with someone's opinion even if, privately, you disagree. But you are charming, creative and communicate best when you're in a relationship, especially with a strong person who can guide and support you.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Libra, Gemini, Aquarius and Aries.

Mercury in SCORPIO

This Mercury position gives you a highly intuitive and resourceful mind that's capable of profound insights. You love to question and probe until you find the answers you're looking for. Your perceptive nature gives you the ability to understand the human motivations of others. With your determined mind, you're well suited for research and investigative work. You can be sarcastic and temperamental; and because you don't mince words, your bluntness can border on being tactless. You also tend to carry out your plans in secret until you've overcome any obstacles and accomplished your objectives.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces and Taurus.


The truth is extremely important to you. You enjoy learning and exploring ideas. You have a bright mind that is interested in social attitudes, philosophy and other studies related to higher education. With this Mercury position you prize freedom of expression and are comfortable saying exactly what you think. But your ideas seldom depart from traditional beliefs or conventional morality. While you value honesty and saying what's on your mind, many people find you to be too blunt or outspoken. Your need intellectual stimulation, can cause you grow restless and not complete work you've started.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Sagittarius, Aries, Leo and Gemini.

Mercury in CAPRICORN

You have a very organized, logical and calculating mind that has the capacity to see both minor details and the whole picture at the same time, which is why you can be an excellent leader. You have exceptional concentration and possess both patience and the ability to be mentally disciplined. When it comes to decision-making you are very opportunistic and rational and work carefully toward achieving your objective. But sometimes you can be rather serious and so stern that you forget to see the humorous side of things. You are conservative in your beliefs and have great respect for traditional ways that things are done. This Mercury position can sometimes cause you to be somewhat dictatorial or condescending to others you feel superior to.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo and Cancer.

Mercury in AQUARIUS

You have a very inquisitive and inventive mind that is open to new experience. You have a wonderful capacity for mental organization and the ability to see things in a truthful, unbiased and objective way. You rely a great deal on your intuition, which gives you keen insight into people and their motivations as well as a special talent to analyze human nature. You enjoy intellectual discussions and philosophizing, especially about people. You are not concerned with respecting traditional or socially acceptable ideas if they conflict with your first-hand experience. Many of your ideas are eccentric and even advanced because you are a forward-thinker who's not afraid to "think out of the box."
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Aquarius, Gemini, Libra and Leo.

Mercury in PISCES

You have a vivid imagination, and a mind that understands many things psychically. So, a great deal of your knowledge is arrived at through intuitive perceptions not logical reasoning. You often have sudden feelings or flashes of intuition where you "just know." Your extreme sensitivity to others makes you sympathetic to their problems, which can result in them taking advantage and playing upon your emotions. Your feelings can easily be hurt, especially when you sense personal criticism even when it was not intended. You tend to be secretive and keep your private thoughts to yourself. Your lack of self-confidence can cause you to doubt yourself and be confused about what you believe to be true.
For Communicating: You're very compatible with those who have their Sun, Venus or Mars in Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio and Virgo.

To learn what sign your MERCURY is in, use the Free Transit Calculator and enter your birth date. It will compute your personal transits for 2015 and the planets in your birth chart. Then, make sure to scroll down to the end of the page, where you'll see your planets and the sign they're in. You will see the sign your MERCURY is in. And, if you're curious to learn more about your personal Horoscope in 2015 and what it says about your love relationships, career, investments and health in: Order your customized Report: Your Horoscope & Future in 2015.

Read Larry Schwimmer's latest books, What the Hell is Going On in My Life? Using Your Birthdate to Find Answers About Relationships, Career, Money, Sex & Health;and How To Ask For A Raise Without Getting Fired - And 24 Other Techniques For Resolving Conflicts At Work & In Life; and Winning Your Next Promotion In One Year (Or Less!).

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Larry Schwimmer is president of, a San Francisco-based consulting company. The firm uses planetary cycles analysis to counsel individual and corporate clients on picking the "best dates" to make successful decisions of all types: personal, marketing, financial, and political. The firm currently advises a diverse client base that includes politicians, presidents of major corporations and an MLB baseball team. Schwimmer is an internationally known business consultant, life coach and astrologer (with a Fortune 500 M&A background). Visit his website: