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5 Secrets You Should Finally Tell the Man (or Woman) You Love

04/14/2015 09:33 am ET | Updated Jun 13, 2015

The 12th House is the most mysterious House in our birth chart. It rules faith, spirituality and our secrets. This House contains the secrets of the man who trolls the Internet every night, visiting pornography websites after his wife has gone to sleep; and the woman who lives with fear and shame, because she's regularly abused by her spouse. It also hides the illicit affair that the minister's wife is carrying on with a member of the congregation.

This area of our birth chart is known as the House of Illusion, Secrets, Self-undoing and Self-deception. This House reveals all the things about "us" that we don't know and can't see - that everyone else can. Located here are our hidden strengths, weaknesses, and what we don't want others to know about us. This is the House of denial. It's the rear view mirror that we look at to see who we are, but the image we view never quite matches reality.

It is a place where we may go to deceive ourselves or just make excuses, because there are things about us that might be too painful to recognize. Many of us have a personal wound or deep hurt that might be painful to recall. If we have one, it lives in our 12th House and may explain a great deal about the secrets we keep to protect ourselves from even loved ones.

Where Are the Secrets Buried?

This the area of your birth chart where we hide yourself from others. It contains the hidden side of ourselves that's buried in our personal subconscious mind and in our dreams. Here is the place where we keep all our memories of past lives, even if we're not consciously aware of them. The 12th House should be considered our "secret cellar," holding our treasures as well as our junk, and all those things about us that we'd rather others not know, especially someone we love deeply.

Here's the place where our secrets are stored that may help us uncover our emotional blocks. This area of our birth chart is where all our hidden fears, paranoia, mental health, and psychological problems live.

If these are your secrets, it may be time to finally share them with your partner.

1. Fear of being vulnerable because you were made fun of or abused. The hurt may have occurred in the past, that day at school when a child wet his pants and everyone made fun of him, calling him names that stuck for years. For another person, their wound may be from a childhood memory of being sexually molested. These experiences can cause a person to repress the existence of their pain. In fact, the pain may be too great or too frightening to explore. Yet, these traumatic experiences can cause self-esteem issues, depression and even drive such individuals to various addictions because they can't live with the torment they suffer on a daily basis.

2. Rather than having sex with your partner, you watch porn to satisfy yourself. Your own sexual traumas during your childhood or adolescence have made you feel guilty, ashamed and inadequate as a sexual partner to your mate. So you satisfy your sexual urges by watching pornography and fulfilling yourself through masturbation rather than risking the vulnerability of having sex with your partner and facing your demons.

3. My addiction allows me to escape my pain. Some people unconsciously re-create their hurts by attracting relationships that bring them the same pain they experienced when they were young, such as the abused child who grows up and marries an "abusive spouse." In their effort to escape the pain they're feeling, they may follow a path to a destructive addiction. The most common are alcohol and drugs, however, there are people who are addicted to sex, compulsive eating, excessive TV, shopping or gambling as a means of escape.

4. Eating chocolate or other sweets late at night when no one is around. Because you're unable to satisfy your emotional needs in your relationship and life, you privately engage in self-indulgent behavior as a way of feeling temporarily good inside. Secretly, when no one is watching - you eat large quantities of sweets like chocolates and ice cream to increase your sense of well-being. It's your way of nurturing and pleasuring yourself. But no amount of goodies will satisfy the craving you have to be loved and appreciated.

5. Afraid that if I admit my crazy thoughts, you'll abandon me or have me committed. If you've ever had fears of being locked up and hidden from the world, you should know this House rules confinement of all types that have the effect of removing you from society such as hospitals, prisons, restraints, institutions, asylums, anywhere you might be detained for whatever reason. This House can take you to a place where you're sure you'll be abandoned in your relationship if you share all the confusion and conflict within you.

The good news is that the inner workings of the 12th House make it possible to bring the pain and hurt of these agonizing secrets to our consciousness so that we can make the healthier choice of resolving what has bothered us. If we are willing to uncover truths about ourselves that are buried deep within, we can find great wisdom and understanding that will allow us to begin the healing process for any hurt we've suffered. But often the first step in this restorative journey is telling the person we love our darkest secret. "The truth may hurt for awhile, but living a lie hurts forever."

If you want to look at your Horoscope and find out if you have any planets transiting your 12th House of Secrets that may be affecting your relationships - go to the Free Transit Calculator and entering your birth date. And, if you're curious to learn more about your personal Horoscope in 2015 and what it says about your love relationships, career, investments and health in: Order your customized Report: Your Horoscope & Future in 2015.

Read Larry Schwimmer's latest books, What the Hell is Going On in My Life? Using Your Birthdate to Find Answers About Relationships, Career, Money, Sex & Health;and How To Ask For A Raise Without Getting Fired - And 24 Other Techniques For Resolving Conflicts At Work & In Life; and Winning Your Next Promotion In One Year (Or Less!).

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Larry Schwimmer is president of Astrodecision.com, a San Francisco-based consulting company. The firm uses planetary cycles analysis to counsel individual and corporate clients on picking the "best dates" to make successful decisions of all types: personal, marketing, financial, and political. The firm currently advises a diverse client base that includes politicians, presidents of major corporations and an MLB baseball team. Schwimmer is an internationally known business consultant, life coach and astrologer (with a Fortune 500 M&A background). Visit his website: Astrodecision.com