THE BLOG

Does the Man (or Woman) You're Dating Have a Sexual Obsession?

03/09/2015 03:27 pm ET | Updated May 09, 2015

2015-03-09-1425918494-2820725-manobsessed.jpegWe often begin a dating relationship where chemistry causes "sparks to fly." As dating become more serious, usually intimacy and sex follow. However, during the course of courtship, sometimes one person seems to be more focused on becoming physically intimate than the other. That person wants to be "sexual" more quickly than their partner is ready to be. Have you ever had that experience in your dating life?

When we notice this person pursuing sexual intimacy with us, we may feel passion but also vulnerability. If the other person pushes too hard for a sexual encounter with us, fears may pop up in our psyche. Fears can turn into warning signals that make us question if the other person's intentions are sincere. We may begin to wonder what their true motivation is. Is it a heartfelt desire for us or only the selfish pursuit of sexual gratification for them?

This is an important question to answer whether you are the victim or the perpetrator in such a situation.

The answer may be revealed when Pluto transits your 8th or 12th House. It is at that time our unconscious motivations rise to the surface to help us understand the ways they empower us, as well as how they sabotage us. We're compelled to come to grips with an obsession, compulsion, or even an addiction - and confront it. Pluto's influence may force us to overcome it.

Ironically, we find that our conscious attempts to change, are undermined by unconsciously motivated actions that end up subverting us. We may become frustrated because, despite our sincere efforts - we aren't able to control certain behaviors, as we notice things not working out the way we intended. That's when a person finally admits to himself, "I can't seem to control my temper," or "I know I should stop eating so much," or "I'm addicted to pornography, but I can't stop." As a result, we feel powerless to change a part of our personality that is unhealthy or unproductive.

A Pluto transit gives us the opportunity to confront unconscious behavior that has produced negative results in our life. This behavior may have originated during our childhood, only to cause us problems and upsets in our relationships as an adult. However, now we'll finally be able to purge such behavior from our personality so it can be replaced with a new way of behaving. But to accomplish this transformation, we must get to the root of why we have behaved this way in the first place. This isn't always easy, as this person found out.

Have You Had This Encounter?

He is a very handsome young man and easily attracts women with his intense personality, masculine physique, and seductive magnetism. He's grown used to getting his way sexually with women he dates, to the point that he seldom takes "no" for an answer when he wants a woman. Despite the many women he goes out with, he seldom has more than one or two dates with any of them. His dates complain that he seems to be interested in "only one thing!"

He tries to move slower and not be so sexually aggressive, but he ends up forgetting his intention and screwing things up by repeatedly behaving badly. A case in point was his last dating experience with a woman he met at a party. He was really attracted to this woman's personality, character and beauty. He could see she was a special woman he might be able to enjoy a relationship, not just a one-night stand. So, he wanted to make sure to restrain his sexual desires this time, promising himself he'd focus on letting them both get to know each other first.

The first dinner date went well and he felt in control of himself. On the next two dates with her, he made sure not to be alone with her at either of their apartments, for fear he would come on, too aggressively. This strategy worked because they were having a nice time getting to know each other. Then, on their next date the young woman invited him into her apartment. She made it clear that she just wanted to enjoy a glass of wine and then go to bed early. She explained that dating was new to her, and that she liked going slowly before becoming intimate with a man.

He acknowledged he understood, realizing it was important he respect her wishes. But as he sat on the couch close to her, something changed as felt a real sexual attraction for her, no longer caring about his pledge to himself or her words to him. He leaned over to kiss her and when she pulled away he got very angry, calling her a tease, and from there the conversation got ugly with his date asking him to leave. He left, and as he got into his car he tried to understand how he had suddenly lost control of himself. He asked himself, "What happened? I knew how I wanted to behave; yet I couldn't control myself."

Do you know this person? Have you ever dated them? Are you dating them now?

This man experienced the power of Pluto's unconscious energy to interfere with his conscious intentions, especially because he was unaware of the psychological issue driving his behavior: he doesn't respect women, only seeing them only as sexual objects for his personal gratification. If he wants to really change his deep-seated behavior, he'll most likely require professional assistance.

Pluto's influence makes it possible for us to understand the hidden side of our personality. It's important to recognize that its energies can also activate the dark side of our nature. I consult with many clients who are sure - because they intellectually are aware of their bad behavior, they can now regulate their problem and remedy it. Most of the time, they are as powerless to control it as that man was. The reason they fail is because their behavior emanates from their unconscious. Therefore, correcting it requires going to the root of the problem, not trying to resolve it just on a mental level.

Pluto's influence offers us the potential to transform ourselves in a deep and profound way. When it transits our 8th or 12th House, it may give us an awareness of how our behavior has caused our relationships or actions to succeed or fail. This provides us with the opportunity to confront our feelings and emotions so we have a better understanding of how they have positively or negatively affected our life. Then we can consider if we need to make any radical changes to improve ourselves; or if we need some professional help to assist us.

Find out if Pluto, or other personal transits are bringing transformation and change to your life, right now by to the Free Transit Calculator and entering your birth date. And, if you're curious to learn more about your personal Horoscope in 2015 and what it says about your love relationships, career, investments and health: Order your customized Report: Your Horoscope & Future in 2015.

Larry Schwimmer is an astrologer in private practice. For private consultations on your compatibility with someone, contact him at: Larry@astrodecision.com or go to www.AstroDecision.com

Read Larry Schwimmer's latest books, What the Hell is Going On in My Life? Using Your Birthdate to Find Answers About Relationships, Career, Money, Sex & Health;and How To Ask For A Raise Without Getting Fired - And 24 Other Techniques For Resolving Conflicts At Work & In Life; and Winning Your Next Promotion In One Year (Or Less!).

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Larry Schwimmer is president of Astrodecision.com, a San Francisco-based consulting company. The firm uses planetary cycles analysis to counsel individual and corporate clients on picking the "best dates" to make successful decisions of all types: personal, marketing, financial, and political. The firm currently advises a diverse client base that includes politicians, presidents of major corporations and an MLB baseball team. Schwimmer is an internationally known business consultant, life coach and astrologer (with a Fortune 500 M&A background). Visit his website: www.astrodecision.com