Patterns of Perversion

When sixth grade teacher Kelsey Peterson fled to Mexico with her 13 year old "lover" late last month, my heart told me it was time to speak out. But fear told me not to; in today's PC world, there's no sin so great as speaking the truth. Then, last night, I opened the paper to find that Norma Giannini, a 79 year old Roman Catholic nun had pleaded no contest to repeatedly sexually abusing two middle school boys.

But it's time that somebody spoke up for our children, and pulled them out of the clutches of these sick, perverted heterosexual women. Let the "straight" apologists say what they will, but the simple truth of the matter is that most child molesters are heterosexual. The only unusual aspect of these cases is that the perpetrators were female, while the vast majority of child sexual abusers are heterosexual males. And yet we still are asked to put our children in the hands of these heterosexual deviants each day we send them to school.

Well, I've had enough. We all know a pattern when we see one, and while we're doing our best not to bruise these perverts' feelings, our children are being inflicted with emotional scars that will last their entire lives. The scourge of heterosexuality is here, it's among us, and it's time to fight back.

In my own city of San Francisco, families with children are fleeing straight neighborhoods in droves for the gay haven of the Castro. It's easy to see why: A quick search at the Megan's Law website finds just two sex offenders in the Castro -- and one of those is arguably in Noe Valley. The city's other residential neighborhoods amount to little more than dens of these predatory perverts.

Now, I don't mean to imply that all heterosexuals are child molesters. But one cannot overlook the overwhelming evidence that a substantial number of heterosexual males are predatory toward young girls. They buy magazines called "Barely Legal," "Finally Legal" and "Finally 18". They strut around in broad daylight saying things like, "the best thing about high school girls is they stay the same age, while I keep getting older." And, yet, we're supposed to drop our daughters off for volleyball practice with a straight coach and just trust that nothing's going to happen.

"Straight" women, for their part, stop at nothing to indulge the sick hetero-male lust for youth. When the lotions, creams and peels stop working, they resort to having their faces surgically altered to appear younger. Only the Lord knows how much the heterosexual perversion is costing our economy each and every day.

"But, what's the harm?" I hear you asking. "They're not all out there molesting kids left and right. Surely, if some heterosexuals are good teachers and clergy, a few gropings here and there won't hurt."

Well, my friends, pedophilia is not the only plague visited upon us by the heterosexual scourge.

It's time to face the facts: Heterosexual "marriages" -- if you insist upon calling them that -- are tearing this country apart. Half of all these depraved unions end in divorce, tying up the courts and leaving the taxpayers with much of the bill. In cases where one parent is then ordered to pay child support, they are reported to fall behind 68% of the time.

None of this should come as a surprise, when one considers how the average heterosexual expresses "love".

22% of all American women report having been physically assaulted by an "intimate partner". Just 2% of the perpetrators are lesbians. When the heterosexual male tires of beating and battering his "mate," he resorts to more extreme ways of getting his perverse thrills: Domestic violence accounts for 45% of the female murder victims aged 20-24, and an even higher number of women aged 35-49. Don't let your daughter be next.

This is to say nothing of the public health crisis heterosexuality has dragged our once God-loving nation into. A Gonorrhea "superbug" is sweeping the country, rising fastest in heterosexual women. Last year alone, more than 1 million new cases of Chlamydia were reported in the United States, at a cost to taxpayers of nearly $15 billion. The highest rate of infection? Adolescent girls.

Heterosexuality is the most common route of HIV infection worldwide. And America is now facing an upswing in congenital syphilis, which can cause serious birth defects -- even death -- in newborns. It seems that even the womb is no safe hiding place from the evils of heterosexuality.

But children aren't the only victims of heterosexual sex. Childbirth, the largely heterosexual process of bringing a child into the world by expelling it out the mother's vagina, accounted for the deaths of 529,000 women in the year 2000 alone. Medical science has done much to alleviate the suffering caused by this ongoing crisis, but that does nothing for the literally trillions who throughout history have already fallen victim to this nightmare of heterosexual perversion.

But this comes down to a deeper question about who we are, and whether or not we as a society want to progress, or fall like Rome with the rise of the "straight society". After all, does anybody really believe that the great works of western civilization were the products of warped heterosexual minds? That the whole time Michelangelo was sculpting David he was really thinking about tits? Ever heard of someone named "Alexander the Straight"? Of course not.

Think about it: Have you ever known a truly happy "straight" person?

I asked a friend of mine, a professional, if he believes heterosexuals are capable of true happiness. "There's definitely something in the heterosexual psyche that forbids it," he told me. "In all my thirty years of practice, specializing in major emotional disorders, I have never encountered a heterosexual client who was happy, healthy, or had a normal childhood."

"One of my straight clients has thirteen distinct personalities," he added. "You'd think one of them would be happy."

Don't let your child be the next introduced to this sick addiction.

I don't think I need to inform you that there is an open and militant campaign among heterosexual activists to convert otherwise healthy kids to this depraved "lifestyle". You can see how the conspiracy unfolds: The teachers, coaches and nuns first introduce the children to the carnal lust of this depravity. Then, the societal pressure comes saying, "oh, no, it's okay, everybody's doing it -- be proud of your perversion." Then, camps are erected across the country with the sole purpose of brainwashing your child into believing that heterosexuality is an acceptable way of life. If your child hasn't been snared by their teen years, out come the "straight camps" to turn your boys around--or send someone else's out to marry your daughters.

Well, Ms. Peterson, Sister Giannini, I'm on to you. And I say, no more! Enough is enough! We're not going to take it anymore.

I did a lot of research into the heterosexual crisis, and I think I've come up with a few ways you can help ebb the tide of perversion that has left this country soaked in sin:

• Use slang words for heterosexuality interchangeably or in conjunction with ones for every undesirable human trait.
• Try to legislate the problem away. If straight people can't get married, and are forced to endure harassment in the workplace, securing housing and on the streets, there will be fewer of them. It's a long-proven fact.
• Don't allow them on TV. Or, if you do, make sure it's essentially a modern-day minstrel show consisting mostly of jokes about NASCAR, male promiscuity and country music.
• Don't allow them in movies. Or, if you do, make sure they die before the end of Act II.
• Vote only for candidates who make it clear that straight people are second-class citizens.
• Say things like, "Your kind's not welcome here."
• Think about straight sex a lot.
• Wait decades before addressing a health crisis in the straight community.
• Take out your bible and circle thirty reasons all straight people are going to hell. It's easy -- you can start with bacon. Put those reasons in a poorly-Xeroxed pamphlet, an amateurish webpage and several pieces of poster board. You now have your very own 527 Political Action Committee. In three election cycles, you'll have deep pockets and more power over national voter turnout than the DNC and RNC combined.
• Continue having covert straight sex. When it's over, treat your partner very badly. It helps if you call them something heterophobic.
• Make up your own ways. Remember: The more difficult we make their lives, the fewer of them there will be!

I'd like to see some horny, 79-year old nun try to take on a nation of Americans armed with that plan. And, you, little Ms. Teacher's-Got-An-Extra-Special-Pet? Time to run for the border.

Comments

[rhdsma]

it's unfortunate that so many heterosexuals choose this "lifestyle" at a very young age. We offer help that they turn to God and prayer to change their sinful ways. Instead they continue to paths to ruin, forcing their public displays of affections anywhere, in front of our children. It is sick. They even kiss in church! You can't go out anywhere without seeing these couples, touching, holding hands, kissing in the park or on the bus. Can't they just stay home? Their marriages and divorces are getting out of hand. I hope and pray God changes their hearts and saves them from this sinful lifestyle.

[peterg76]

Or maybe homosexuals are just a much smaller minority than they pretend they are.

[maddogbitesback]

Society has always tolerated heteros. It is a condition that dates back to Adam and Eve. It is time to take a close look at this condition and to stop putting our heads in the sand. The blogger stated many problemsit creates in our society but in fact, it is destroying the world. Heterosexuality is a direct cause of over population.

[Massenet]

Well written, insightful and true.
I'm clicking on "I'm a fan of this blogger."

[mbaty]

Love the deconstructionism, dude. If we don't want God to punish our nation, we must stop the heteros!

[SouthJerseySteve]

Definitely a two-snaps approval for a great article.

[FogBelter]

Mr. Womack, I am a native San Franciscan and I recall, as a mere lad, in the 1960's the retired Policeman that lived across the street from me having to chase freeloving hetero hippies from my driveway. We lived two blocks from Golden Gate Park and after the free concerts ended, something about our lawn and concrete driveway just sang "I'm in the mood for love" into the tied-dyed hearts of the long-haired trippers.

I learned tolerance in those days.

And as waves of Stoners, and Gays, and Yuppies, and Techies ... washed through the Streets of my City, bringing with them their various public displays of affection, and mating rituals I could hear the words of Clarence, the Prohibition Era Cop ringing in my ears as he chased another hippy pair down the street during the Summer of Love...

"I don't care what the Hell you want to do, just don't block the driveway in the process, for Crissakes!"

Clarence taught me tolerance, even for tripping, hetero, hippys.

[groovychaos]

this is freakin' hysterical, yet sad at the same time because it's so true

in a country where heteros are allowed to get hitched, drunk out of their minds in vegas....c­oncommitan­t with their ilk preaching the sanctity of marriage....well, i just find it dumbfounding

lastly, i have to say that some of the smartest, funniest, well-read and basically happiest people i know are "a-het"

[itmaybetoolate]

Brilliant! An effective piece! I particularly liked your mention of your therapist friend who reported that he had never met a heterosexual client who was happy! How long have heteros used that one to brand gay people as sick?

[Driver125]

My God! And just think about how those heterosexual marriages would 'devalue' your homosexual marriage/u­nion/whate­ver (assuming, of course, that one day you are allowed to have such a thing).

[meileen]

LOVED IT! Thanks for the laughs!


I have just one thing to point out. There are now so many families (same-sex and 'hetero') in the Castro area of SF, that there is now a push to remove any 'questionable' magazines/videos from small people's view. How do we 'straighten' that out?

[psk]

You are correct, nearly ALL pedifiles are hetrosexual and NOT homosexual.

Loved how the story shows just how silly homophobia and anti-gay retoric is. Sadly the people we really need to hear that message won't hear it.

[johnfoirdfw]

Why must they flaunt their "lifestyle"?

[sydneyismyalias]

Very well said - I enjoyed every word!

[MsLiz]

I was really curious about the 79 year old nun. Seriously, what 79 year old woman could seduce, much less force herself on, two middle school boys. So, I clicked the link so you don't have to. According to the NY Times on November 13, 2007, a "Roman Catholic nun pleaded no contest yesterday to two counts of indecent behavior with a child in connection with accusations from the 1960s when she was a principal and teacher at a Catholic school in Milwaukee. The nun, Norma Giannini, 79, faces up to 20 years in prison for what prosecutors say was sexual abuse of two male students."

Aside from that, a very humorous article.