THE BLOG

Focus, Contentment and How I'm Choosing to Be Here Now

02/20/2015 05:11 pm ET | Updated Apr 22, 2015

I've had this reminder in my calendar since doing Marie Forleo's B School a few years ago. It pops up on Saturday mornings and reminds me to let go of what's no longer feeling juicy.

I see this reminder often, but usually ignore it or skirt over it saying to myself, 'What's not feeling juicy?! I can't even think about that right now,' or 'Everything in my life is feeling juicy!' When I think of this I chuckle and hear a little... 'yea right' in my heart.

Here's the thing. I've been an overachiever all my life. Always trying to be the best, always trying to do several things at once partly because I'm super crazy creative and have so many ideas and so much energy channeling through me, and partly because I'm trying to 'get somewhere.'

Always thinking of the end result, and unwilling or unable to be fully content with the present.

This is not news to me. My first life coach Julie Cramer used to say to me 8 years ago, 'What would it be like to just be content with where you are? No striving for something better or to be better?!

This message has stuck with me all these years, however I've been unable to fully embrace contentment because I'm afraid that if I choose to be content with what is right now, perhaps it won't get better. Perhaps I won't realize all of these big grandiose dreams I've carried with me since I was a child. And then what?!

I'm sure you've heard the saying 'Dream BIG! Shoot for the stars and if you land halfway there you've made it.'

Problem for me is that I've been dreaming so big for so many years and feeling heartbreak and frustration that at times I feel like I'm no closer to realizing my dreams than I was 10 years ago.

It's all about perception, isn't it?! For people outside of me looking in, they see me as a doer, fully activating, 'making it...' but for me, many times I still feel the pangs of 'failure' lurking in the shadows.

I've been on a next level healing journey over the last 14 months.. It's even more next level than the journey I started 8 years ago! Lots of shadow energy coming up and deep old past life and younger Laura life stuff to be seen, felt, heard, embraced and cleared.

It's been tough on me. My confidence has been shaken, and I've experienced significant doubt along with a lack of faith and trust that Universe truly has my back.

So I've decided to take another piece of advice that's come from many people over the years. Focus on ONE thing!!

You see... as this ball of creative juice and energy I've also consistently spread myself too thin, rushing to some end goal. I'm a productivity junkie and a pro at overfilling my plate, taking on too much and struggling to learn how to relax and chill. The results are that I'm never giving anything (or anyone) my full attention, and I'm left feeling drained and pulled in too many directions.

I know why I do this, as I'm usually (and sometimes painfully) self-aware.

Thankfully, I've decided to take this message from the Universe and begin to LET GO of what's no longer juicy, get super CLEAR about what is giving me energy, what is taking energy away, and WHY I'm choosing the things that I'm choosing.

What's happened as a result is that I feel lighter, I've taken the pressure off, I've released some expectations (which usually set me up for disappointment), and I'm feeling relieved to, for the moment, release all of my big grandiose dreams. It's scary and also feels amazingly courageous and LIGHT.

As a result, I have more space within myself and in my life to take good care of myself and focus on what is truly juicing me.

What is possible when I can just let go and be here now?! Hmmm... I wonder what amazing possibilities exist?!!!

I'm writing all of this because I believe that I'm not alone in this journey. I believe there are others out there who can relate to what I've been, and what I am experiencing.

It is so beautiful and powerful to be a creative person with tons of ideas, dreams and goals. It is OK to DREAM BIG, to desire to positively impact people around the globe and make this world a better place than how you came into it.

But if we choose to live in the energy of 'striving' and 'making it' we'll never be content with what is right now. We'll always be looking for more, better and potentially missing the beauty, magic and bliss of this present moment.

Now, trust me when I tell you! I do BELIEVE that there is more better always... that things can ALWAYS be better, that I can always evolve into a better version of myself. However, I am now open to developing a new relationship to this belief, this sentiment, and choosing to be content, right here, right now with what is, before life passes me by.

Today I'm open to embracing what I've got... this moment.