How you do anything is how you do everything.
I heard this the first time from my friend, colleague and mentor, Kellie Kuecha. Kellie is a master of business branding and identity and in supporting individuals to own their worlds.
Take a moment to read this sentence again, and fully absorb the meaning in these words, for they are the truest I have found.
How you do anything is how you do everything.
How you handle and manage any situation, challenge or experience in your life is how you probably handle all of them.
Upon first hearing this I took a bit of time to reflect on it because it speaks fully to how I live my life... today. But it wasn't always this way.
As I took time to look back on my life and especially my marriage, I realize that this statement was true even then, though I hadn't fully realized its implications.
I may not have understood then but I understand now that each and every action I take, word I speak and decision I make contributes to the creation of the life I choose to live.
Let me give you an example.
Immediately following my divorce, I, like most parents who get divorced, made a commitment to doing whatever I could to ensure that my children would be okay. I wanted to make sure that I made decisions that were in their best interest and that I considered their well being every step of the way. And so, from that moment on, I had to think long and hard every time I would interact with my ex husband.
Divorce does not come without its many challenges, including the complexities around co-parenting. My ex and I, while we both love our children, do not always get along. In fact, there are many things he does and says that infuriate me. Over these years (and I am sure into the future) he has, and will, give me many reasons to be hostile and angry.
Because I take this phrase -- how I do anything is how I do everything -- so seriously, I have had on many occasions had to bite my tongue, shed tears out of frustration and fury, and take the high road by deliberately choosing how I would handle the situation so that I can do what I committed to do; live my life in a way that puts the interests of my children first.
In those moments of frustration and fury, it would be easy to over react or indulge in the emotion of the moment, but then I am reminded; if I do that, it would mean that this is how I handle all things, and I have set a much higher standard for myself.
My divorce forced me to do a complete life assessment. Why wasn't I happy? What had I done wrong in my marriage? What did I want my life to look, and feel like?
Believe it or not, I am not and was not a "woo woo" kind of girl. I tend towards being a skeptic and often times, especially back then, fell into the "victim" mentality. I believed that there were a million reasons why I couldn't have the life I wanted.
But I was wrong.
As a matter of fact, it wasn't until this little phrase entered my world, that I really began to understand how I was going to move forward towards creating a new life for myself. It was going to be one action at a time. One "taking the high road moment" at a time. One carefully chosen word at a time.
Because how you do anything is how you do everything, it is important to be honest about how you do the "anything".
For example, how do you perform at work? What are you friendships like? How to you approach a challenge?
If you are late with deadlines at work and do not pay close attention to detail, then the chances are that these characteristics can be seen in your personal life and relationships as well. If you often find yourself having conflict with friends and family members, you will probably find that there is conflict in the other areas of your life too.
This is a particularly important phrase to consider when women (and men for that matter) begin dating again after divorce. The patterns of behavior and characteristics that can be seen in all areas of your life will reliably present themselves when beginning new relationships as well. You may be looking for something radically different than the relationship you had with your ex, but if you don't do the hard and humbling inner work after your divorce, you will probably attract the same kind of relationship that you had before.
So let me ask you this, do you fully understand how you do "anything"? And, if you aren't fully satisfied with your "anything", perhaps now is the time to break old patterns and set a new standard.
Laura Campbell, CEO and founder of The D Spot, LLC, www.discoverthedspot.com, is dedicated to helping women regroup, renew and reinvent themselves before, during and after divorce. She is a Divorce Expert and Life Reinvention Consultant, and the author of The Ultimate Divorce Organizer: The Complete, Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial, and Personal Divorce. Laura helps women in transition manage their emotions, face their financial situation, and create balance in their life to maintain a healthy mind, body and soul. Through her support and guidance, women maintain the highest level of performance in both their personal and professional lives. Laura believes every woman deserves to be the champion of her own destiny and live an extraordinary life.
Follow Laura Campbell on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lauracampbell
When I was divorced my two children were very young, ages 8 and 12. After being a stay-at-home mom for over ten years I had to go back to work. It was very difficult. Thank God my Mom watched over them then. She was a very loving mother to me and a very loving grandmother to my children.
It was during that time that I decided I would never get involved with anyone again until my children were grown up. As time passed I discovered I never wanted to go there again! LOL! It was my choice. I never wanted to deal with the headaches of someone telling me (or my children) what to do, when to do it, and with whom to do it with.
I have been single ever since and I love every minute of it!
"It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path,
but it's another to think yours is the only path"
Paulo Coelho.
This is similar to a Scripture I've always kept in the back of my mind, "he that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much" - but it is much more thorough and deep.
Jim Carrey
I didn't do any horrific damage, thank goodness - and around my kids, I was good - 98% of the time.
Excellent life advice.
Or even married?