(Photo credit: Peter J. Hughes)
Bullying is a result of unresolved trauma where an individual would rather inflict their own emotional pain on someone else than to feel it themselves. These repressed emotions, in their unconscious state, present as hatred and perpetuate pain and suffering.
My daughter, Suzy, was the target of such vitriol when she was in 8th grade. A group of girls, who had started out as her friends, became envious and turned on her. As the drama heightened, my daughter felt victimized, out of control, and basically heartbroken. One day she had had it.
On the ride home from school, through tears and occasional bursts of frustration, Suzy shared the events of the day. I could feel my own triggers being activated by the stories she was telling, and I knew better to keep silent, breathe, and let her rip. So I did.
As I held space for her, I could feel her heart. Naturally, a joyous and bright soul, her energy was heavy and pensive. The sadness was palpable. Each time my hackles went up provoking me to defend her and lunge in with advice, I chose to continue breathing and listen to her instead.
Her ability to articulate her feelings was powerful. Her courage was inspiring. Her commitment to staying accountable was stunning. Not once did she dip into "poor me" or "why me?" She was in her authentic power, and I had the honor of respecting such a sacred moment.
At one point, she asked if we could stop by the grocery store and get some crayons and poster board.
At home, I handed her a hair dryer and left her alone with her supplies. After a while, I heard singing, and I exhaled as my heart grinned. She had shifted her energy by expressing all the emotional heaviness.
It wasn't until the next day, when I was home alone, did I take a really good look at what she had created.
(Photo credit: Laura DiMinno)
Explosive. Colorful. Splattered. Dripping.
It was everything -- the whole gamut of emotions, and I was moved to tears.
I knew she was okay in the midst of such an intense emotional experience. I felt confident that whatever came her way in the future, she could handle it. She was emotionally aware.
Now, my daughter's in 10th grade, and another situation cropped up where a pack of girls turned on her. The verbal assaults were more vicious and the act of spreading false rumors around school was taken to a higher level.
At first I wanted to march into that school and put an end to all the pain and drama. I had had it! However, in the midst of my rage, I chose to breathe deeply, go inward, and take care of my own inner conflict as my daughter tended to hers. The outcome proved to be beneficial.
Suzy once again articulated her feelings and allowed herself to feel all there was to feel. She dealt with her sense of betrayal and victim hood. She worked through her anger that everything had changed and started to make friends with acceptance.
And then came the moment of grace.
After a few weeks had passed, one of the girls who had mistreated Suzy reached out to her for help -- she had become the newest target of the fury dealt out by the same group of girls.
Instead of stooping to the lower vibration of revenge, Suzy chose to take the high road, and with her boundaries, integrity and wisdom intact, she was able to help someone in crisis. She knew what it felt like to be scared and alone, and she offered the girl empathy, compassion, tips and comfort.
The girl responded with gratitude and Suzy walked away with a deep knowing that she had made a difference by tending to her own emotional pain first. Her actions mitigated further pain and suffering and perhaps inspired another to be the same.
(Photo credit: Laura DiMinno)
My heart is now smiling and the light is back in Suzy's eyes.
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