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Diary of First Lady Michelle Obama: July 12, 2010

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Gulf Coast!?! To think I had to waste an afternoon (cut my workout short and everything) to make those Tea Baggers along the Gulf Coast think we give a damn. It's one thing to go down to Diddy's or Kanye's house on Star Island in Miami, but Panama City is a disaster. This place is known for one thing: endless strip malls. Do I look like I shop at Payless Shoes? This is supposed to be our vacation time and I'm blowing half my day in a hell hole like Panama City!!

But what could I do? Axe, Rahm and the rest of the gang told me if we wanted to vacation in Maine this week, one of us had to go placate the oiled up yahoos down South. I'm still mad that Barack had to interrupt our Memorial Day weekend in Chicago to sympathetically stroke some greasy pelicans! But I suppose I must do my part. But I needed this trip like Hillary needs an extra fifteen pounds of thigh fat.

The good news is--I got fantastic coverage out of this drop-by. I told the public that "there are thousands of miles of these beaches not touched by the spill" and encouraged the American people to come on down and vacation there. Then I jumped on my plane and made final plans for my weekend in Maine. LOL!! (I sure hope Olympia and Susan are going to hike with us on Saturday!) But back to today--it was pitiful the way those tubby mayors kept trying to coax me into spending a vacation on the Tar-ball Shores of Florida. Have the petroleum fumes gotten to their brains? Barack and me wouldn't be caught dead vacationing down there with all those Palin supporters. Though if we swam around in those nasty waters, we might be caught dead.

Honestly, I think we've done all we can for the Gulf Coast. On my way out of town I even stopped by the Pink Pelican Ice Cream Bar to enjoy a luscious treat called the "Chocolate Hurricane." (I have to remember to e-mail Ray Nagin about that one.) After my visit, there will be lines around that ice cream joint for decades--and who knows, by then they might have even capped that oil spill. But in the meantime, they might want to consider renaming the place the "Brown Pelican Ice Cream Bar." And to think, earlier today, I told the NAACP that, "Dessert is not a right." I stand by that. It's not a right. When I'm working this hard, it's a necessity! LOL!

Laura Ingraham's new book, "The Obama Diaries," is being released today.