When we exchange our Prada bags for Baby Bjorns, we also unwittingly check off the box that says "mothers don't drink." But just because we popped out a baby does not mean we still don't want to pop the Veuve Clicquot!
Why is it that as soon as we become mothers, we are expected to leave our cosmos at the bar and settle for reruns of Sex and the City? Are all mothers who crave a glass or two of wine regarded as closet alcoholics?
When I was single and living in New York City, I regularly went out for a drink with the girls. I loved these evenings (or Saturday afternoons or Sunday brunches) -- they were a fabulous mix of fun, laughter and group therapy with smart, funny, like-minded women. After I married and moved, I continued the tradition with new friends, sharing a glass of wine with a gal pal after work or on the weekends in my new city. My friends and I always referred to these nights as "going out for drinks" or "cocktails with the girls."
So you can imagine my surprise when, after having my twins, the happy hour invites stopped and were suddenly replaced by e‑mails and e-vites for Moms' Book Club, Mommy Spa Day, Make Your Own Purse Night, Mother of Twins Club and- - well, you get the idea. In my sleep-deprived, housebound-new mommy state of mind (did I mention that I was socially starved after weeks of pink and blue onesies?), I dusted off my English major literary prowess and drove to suburbia to my first Moms' Book Club.
Once there, I quickly learned that you cannot judge a book club by its cover. When I arrived at my first "meeting," instead of the provocative book discussion I had expected, I was greeted with a formal wine tasting, followed by a gourmet dinner and after-dinner drinks that lasted well past midnight -- on a weeknight! And then the same thing began to happen again and again: Make Your Own Purse night offered pitchers of sangria, Mother of Twins Club was drinks and appetizers at a local pub, Mommy Spa Day featured mini-spa treatments accompanied by perfectly chilled Pinot Grigio and finger food at the country club. Soon I saw a trend in all these mommy events -- they were our respectable, socially acceptable alibis for drinking. This got me thinking (and talking) about the strange double standard between the non-moms and the new moms. What to Expect When You're Expecting didn't have a chapter titled: "Top 10 Cute Ways for New Mothers to Secretly Steal a Cocktail." What happened to just saying (or even shouting) "I need a drink!"?
As I talked with other moms about this (over an Irish coffee during Knitting Club, of course), a common thread emerged: even when they try to hide it, all mothers (single or married, first-time or veteran) regularly celebrate, relax, and -- yes -- escape with a cocktail, all in the spirit of being a better mommy. A glass of Pinot Noir, a chocolate martini or a pomegranate margarita -- the cocktail does not matter, but the escape and the ability to temporarily blur reality does. Once, on a plane ride back from Las Vegas, another mother told me in a hushed voice that her nightly cocktail was her "mother's little helper," filling that time we all call the witching hour (just after the children's dinner and before Daddy returns home). The more I talked about this to friends and relatives, the more confessions I heard. One mom always jokes, "it's 5:00 p.m. somewhere" while pouring a glass of Chardonnay and calling her sister for a virtual drink date. Others have a weekly or monthly Moms' Club meeting that is never canceled. More attend Moms' Shopping Nights that involve strolling along quaint New England streets where each boutique offers sips of their favorite libations (one store owner and mother told me that these shopping nights can turn into shoplifting nights if the ladies get too tipsy).
Sitting at the computer with a glass of my favorite port, I have a realization: We really aren't any different than our single sisters. Sure, we are moms now. Okay, we left the city for the suburbs. Yes, we have children. Yes, some of us drive minivans, and many of us now call happy hours "moms' nights." But we will never pack away the Prada. We still have shrines to our Jimmy Choos. We will never, ever don mom jeans or need a TLC makeover. Regardless of labels and outdated stereotypes, we will always love and crave our cocktails with the girls. We are still as complicated and delicious as the perfect martini.
As I finish my drink before heading out to the Go Green Trunk Show at a nearby mom's house, I think that maybe I'll host the next event: a cocktail party.
Recipe: The Momtini
Prep time: 20 minutes (2 minutes to pour, 18 to drink)
Mix equal parts friends, fun, and your favorite alcoholic beverage.
Serve immediately and, if possible, without children.
# # #
Excerpt by Laura Rossi Totten from "Mom's Club: The New Happy Hour" from MAKE MINE A DOUBLE: Why Women Like Us Like to Drink (Or Not), edited by Gina Barreca. Used with permission from University Press of New England, www.upne.com.
Follow Laura Rossi Totten on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@bookprgirl
I have been a mother for only a year. I can say that even when I was pregnant I had a small beer on new years eve. While I was breastfeeding I had a glass of wine when we went out to eat with friends (and yes I went home to breastfeed no issue). And just Monday night, after our daughter spent a day with grandma and my husband and I went out for a motorcycle ride with friends (200 miles roundtrip!) we came home, had hot dogs cooked over an open fire and I cracked open a Guinness while holding our daughter and watched a rain storm move over the mountains across the lake.
I may be a mother, but I am still a woman. I have read the effects of excessive drinking and I take the responsible route and only have a drink or maybe two when I know I have to take care of the baby.
You know, you've got to grow up and leave the college-mentality behind at some point.
Going out and drinking 'till midnight on a weekday when you have kids is a sign of a problem, no matter how you may attempt to rationalize it.
Finding a collective of other bored housewives who want to justify an irresponsible lifestyle doesn't legitimize the behavior.
A breast-feeding mother consuming alcohol, a bio-toxin and central nervous system depressant, is poisoning her child with ethanol. Rates of childhood autism, allergies, birth defects and genetic defects are notably higher in lands where young women imbibe alcohol. Children's and public health concerns would dictate that young mothers eschew alcohol.
Alcohol causes over 15,000 traffic accident deaths annually. Alcohol damages the heart, liver, kidneys and brain. Alcoholics commit suicide at a rate 83 times greater than non-alcoholics. There are over 20 million alcoholics in the country and one in ten drinkers becomes alcoholic. Motherhood is not a vaccination against alcoholism and millions of alcoholic mothers and fathers are damaging their children. Reality should make one question why anyone would encourage and make light of drinking by mothers of young children.
Women who feel like they need a drink, or who cannot wait to start her day's or evening's drinking, are on the way to alcoholism and would best not undertake motherhood. Attendance at a meeting of Adult Children of Alcoholics could educate them to the damage drinking mothers do.
That said, there is no approbation for a non-nursing mother not driving or operating heavy machinery from having an occasional drink or two. Good reasons exist for altering one's consciousness, but better and less toxic ways are preferable.
like in any European country were wine, cider and beer are considered food?
A breastfeeding mother can have a drink, usually a glass of beer or a small glass of wine without worrying about any of the alcohol getting into her breastmilk. Of course each woman metabolizes alcohol differently and should take note of that when drinking and breastfeeding. Some prefer to pump before hand and then "pump and dump" later just to be safe.
As for the talk about alcoholics, we are not talking about people who have a deep desire to drink to the point of inebriation (sp?). We are talking about adults who drink a glass or two maybe nightly (far from alcoholism) or a few times a month. It is responsible and there is nothing wrong with it. It is not detrimental to a child or to a persons parenting skills.
I think you should rethink this post. It is worded as more of a scare tactic than being informative.
When a woman drinks alcohol, it rapidly enters her bloodstream and also her milk ducts.
And no, different women do not metabolize alcohol differently. Saying that shows your complete ignorance of the bio-effects of alcohol. The metabolic chain for alcohol is well-established. Indeed, alcohol metabolizes (or burns off, if you prefer) at a CONSTANT RATE of .015 oz per hour. In other words if a woman consumes 1 ounce of alcohol, it will take 6.5 hours for that alcohol to leave her system. So, yes, if a woman had a drink containing one ounce of alcohol at midnight, it would be out of her system 6.5 hours later and she could then breastfeed without forcing her infant to consume alcohol. Women who are ignorant of these facts are all are too often forcing alcohol on their infants and babies.
And of these adults who have to have a drink or two, ten percent of them will go on to become full alcoholics, an end that could be avoided by avoiding alcohol.
I just went through a medical emergency although I do not drink. Maybe you should read the following and consider if the Cosmos is more important than being here for your kids.
http://www.abdopain.com/pancreatitis.html
Also google this topic and see how many 20-30-40 somethings die of this condition. I went from 2800 lipase to 29 in less than 3 days due to the fact I don't drink or smoke - if I had damaged organs from alcohol on top of it, I'd still be in the hospital...if I were lucky.
Pregnancy causes gall stones as do other factors. You have a kid - your risk goes up. Add alcohol - it's just a matter of time.
Enjoy, moms. Reasonably and responsibly of course. :) We couldn't do it (life) without you.
It is seen as irresponsible and socially-unacceptable for a working husband to go out drinking with friends (or alone) 'till midnight on a weekday. This is the old type of alcoholic- the working man who justifies his drink by the hard work he performs all day.
Nowadays young, college-educated women who work in a corporate office-environment use that same justification for their own drinking adventures, and feel highly legitimized in doing so by emulating shows like Sex
Personally, I haven't considered a woman with a baby as an alcoholic (closet or otherwise) just because she had a drink or two. However, because it is widely known that drinking alcohol during pregnancy or while breast-feeding can have negative consequences for the baby, I am not surprised that some people might come to the conclusion that a woman with a baby who insists on having a drink or two has an alcohol problem.