How I'm Celebrating Michael Jackson's 50th Birthday

7. Moonwalking on a ferris wheel with my pet giraffe while twirling a parasol and singing nursery rhymes
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  1. Shopping for tuxedo jackets and pajama pants
  2. Climbing a tree in Central Park; buying it (the park)
  3. Writing a sweet, sad song of betrayal entitled "Martin Bashir"
  4. Giving birth to some kids that are biologically unrelated to me
  5. Dressing up as an Egyptian princess and then dissolving into a pile of sand
  6. Buying out the theater for Peter Pan on Broadway; taking all my bodyguards to see it
  7. Moonwalking on a ferris wheel with my pet giraffe while twirling a parasol and singing nursery rhymes
  8. Installing a combination Ms. Pac-Man/Sno-Cone Machine in every room I enter, all day
  9. Listening to Off the Wall again and feeling bad about writing this list
  10. Taking a look at the man in the mirror

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