Listen, sister, I totally get why your bedroom's temporarily closed for business. Like, maybe you haven't slept for a month and your area down there kinda hurts - since you just birthed a human and all. The last thing you probably want to do is squish your boobs into some way-too-small bra and put on clothes that cover all of your body parts. It's totally understandable. But when the time comes that you stop feeling pawed at 24 hours a day and you find yourself suddenly having those urges again, here are a few tips to help make post-baby gettin' it on reeeeal good or, at least for now, more frequent:
1. You seize opportunities:
Both kids are happily occupied coloring on the walls with permanent marker. You know what that means? Because, frankly, who knows when you will have another 5 minutes all to yourselves to... you know. But you better carpe diem and quick because your youngest is thiiiiis close to noticing that mommy and daddy are quietly backing out of the room.
2. You make time for it:
It's not every day the kids sleep past 7 AM, but when they do you can be sure there are parents like you taking advantage. You may be tired, you may be smelly, you may be hungry but "it" can't wait. (Note: "it" refers to "sex" not "coffee," ICYMI.)
3. You keep it interesting:
The kids are at home with a babysitter, and you and the hubs have an afternoon all to yourselves. What to do... what to do? Have sex, obviously! There is room in that ginormous purse of yours for plenty-o-goodies: money, makeup, candy... condoms. You can never be too prepared. Oh, and look at that, an empty dressing room just became available.
4. You do IT on location:
Let's not beat around the bush; that minivan serves more than one purpose, amiright? It may be a tight squeeze but where there's a will there's a way. And where there's an empty parking lot, there's an opportunity. Is that a seatbelt sticking you in the back, or is your husband just happy to see you?
5. You take risks - together:
What's more fun than doing something you're not supposed to do? Uh, nothing! So go ahead and change your name for the night, wear a wig, get out of those sweatpants, and make mayhem all over town with your luvah! The greater the risk, the greater the reward. And let it be known... even sleep-deprived parents deserve the occasional wild and crazy romp in the broom closet of the Four Seasons. (Totally kidding, #4Seasons.)
6. You plan for it:
Who's having sex tonight? You are you are! That leaves a whole day of planning, preparing, anticipating, daydreaming and psyching yourself up to get it on. Fifty Shades of Grey ain't got nothin' on the story you and your hubba hubba are gonna write tonight. You may want to start by shaving that winter coat of yours though... just a friendly suggestion.
7. You keep a babysitter rolodex:
You want to know the secret to a really successful sex life post-kids: BABYSITTERS! Because nothing murders a mood quite like hearing, "Mommmmmmy, I pooped on the floor." It's sad but true. And you don't have to break the bank for it either. There is sure to be a few friends of yours willing to take your kids today so you can watch their kids next week. Because news flash: other parents have sex, too.