A Wealthy Man

This is a Christmas and Hanukah season like no other. Many people have lost money. Millions are out of work, and those who still have jobs fear for their own future. That was a full plate of despair already and then Bernard Madoff appeared to savage whatever joy was left, and to tear into shards the trust that is fundamental to a democratic society.

It is a bad time but it is a good time too, because most of us are reflecting on what matters and in the end we may deepen the faith that sustain. I have a dear friend whose Jewish father after flying planes in World War II built a great fortune. He was intending to donate most of it to charity including building a wing on a hospital on Long Island for children with special needs. Now most of that money is gone and he feels he has betrayed so many people when he has betrayed no one at all.

His daughter wrote this letter to her father and shared it with me:

There are no words to describe how sad and rage-filled I have become. I don't even want to write what I have been fighting in my heart. This season perhaps more than in any other years, we have decided to give whatever we can (and of course it is much, much less than other years) to help others who have so much less than we. I have heard from my kids who are doing the same. Dad, if you ever wanted to know what your legacy to us really is, it is this. That in bad times for our country and our people, we give what we can to others rather than in giving unnecessary trinkets to each other. We stick together as a family in unity and love. This is our strength. This is what we teach our children. Happiness is not an entity to be pursued, but a feeling that overcomes you when you have lived a meaningful life.

I've been having some bad times too that have made me reflect in ways I have not for years. In recent days both my mother and my mother-in-law have been in the hospital. My mother-in-law is still there and my wife is with her in Washington, D.C. I decided that I'll fly up from my Florida home and spend Christmas with my mother and brothers in New Jersey and then take to train to Washington to be with my mother-in-law.

My mother came from a poor family in Westport, Connecticut. Her father worked in a lumber yard and as a chauffeur for the owner. She was the only one of seven children to go to college. She was very smart and she received a tuition scholarship to the University of Chicago in the Thirties, probably the most exciting college in America. She didn't have enough money even to sit up all night on the train to Chicago. She took a bus. The driver worried about this innocent young woman finding her way in a difficult part of Chicago and he drove the bus out his way to deposit her in an on-campus building. She was too afraid to go out and she sat her room eating a Hershey bar for dinner.

My mother needed to earn room and board. First thing in the morning, she went into the office that handled these things. They told her that she should go to see Mrs. Hays because if Mrs. Hayes liked you she would hire you right away. So my mother walked over to this great house, and Mrs. Hayes, whose husband was the grandson of President Rutherford B. Hayes, hired my mother to work twenty hours a week taking care of her young children and doing other duties.

The first evening Mrs. Hayes asked my mother to set the table. She went into the dining room and carefully set the elegant table. When she finished Mrs. Hayes came over to my mother and said, "Helen, you've made a mistake." My mother was mortified to have made an error on her very first day, and she went back into the dining room to check everything again. But as hard as she looked, she could not see what was wrong. So she came back to Mrs. Hayes and said she didn't understand. And Mrs. Hayes said, "Helen, you didn't set a place for yourself."

And so for four years my mother sat at that table. In class she met my father who was a graduate student and became a professor at the university. I remember growing up Mrs. Hayes visiting us. She was just another friend. My father has left this earth and my mother lives in a continuing care community in New Jersey and has what she unfailingly tells me is a wonderful life. And a few months ago two of the Hayes my mother watched over, now old and retired, came to visit my mother and pay their respects.

And so I'm flying up to New Jersey for Christmas to be with my Mom and my two brothers and their wives. I'm sorry my wife and my mother-in-law won't be there for family and friends are all that matters. I don't care how much money you have, how much money you have lost, if you have family and friends you are wealthy. And I am a wealthy man.

Comments

[CAPTAINSKIPPY]

Mr. Madoff seems to have acquired a sizable community service deficit; not sure if he is qualified to work long hours for minimum wages in a soup kitchen, but a cozy cell with 3 meals and free medical seems way better than he deserves.

[glitzqueen]

It's always worthwhile to count our blessings and remind ourselves that living richly doesn't require great monetary wealth. HOWEVER -- big "however -- we shouldn't excuse those who robbed us and are still robbing us via the lunatic bailout of an overleveraged shadow economy that contributes nothing to the real one.

Too much focus on making the best of this rotten situation shifts the focus off those who created it. They deserve our rage -- not this chance to swipe our last dollars, just to pay off derivative bets in their secret casino. That's where the Treasury and Fed money is going, and now they're even letting hedge funds slurp at the Fed trough, using worthless securities as collateral! We need to be making the stickup STOP, instead of talking ourselves into embracing genteel poverty.

[schatsie]

We have let the politicians for the last 30 years pull the wool over our eyes with all of the Trickle down Economics and the Grossly regressive Social Security taxes...

According to the Status Syndrome. the people at the top will live on the average at least 5 years longer than the people in the bottom 20% and there is no SS adjustment for that factor...

We need to take the Cap off of Social Security and increase Standard Deductions, tax credits for Property Taxes on a Residence and Tax Credits for State Income taxes and Tax Credits for Interest Payments.... INSTEAD WE ARE GIVING BLANK CHECKS TO THE PAMPERED AND RICH...

[dahpunkster]

Even with the recession. I had a great christmas.
My best friend who has been trying for a baby for a long time is pregnant.
We finally heard from my cousin Ernie who is serving his third tour in Iraq.
My other cousin and her precious little daughter came. I haven't seen her in four years, because of my cousin's vindictive ex husband.
My great aunt Elaine who is 73 , played the piano and we sang.
My aunt Liz who is laid off, is a great photographer and took beautiful pictures of all of us and put them in pretty frames. My other aunt (by marriage)and her mother who is from Jersey ,made kolachi for everybody.
We have president - elect who is already rolling up his sleeves and working on details for how to fix things, and isn't even in office yet.
Some things you can't put a pricetag on.

[leatherneck1971]

GOP reminds me of the bible parable of "how hard it will be for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven, as hard as a camel going thru the eye of a needle", guess being nor rich is a blessing, since I am not going to try as many of those whom worship wealth, business as their god, religion, trying to ride that camel thru the eye of that needle, and another bible parable always comes to mind, when I hear the GOP icons, propagandists call the democrats socialists, advocaters of "re-distributing the wealth", the parable of the "rich man whom wanted to follow jesus", but when jesus told him to go and sell his riches/possessions and give/re-distribute them to the poor, he got suddenly sad, unable to do this since he loved his money/wealth/possessions more than his desire to follow jesus! Now imagine jesus telling a GOP compassionate, conservative, self professed christian, die hard believer, to go sell his possessions, wealth and give/re-distribute it to the poor? I can just hear their modern day response, sadness, inability to do it, and accusing jesus of being a bleeding heart liberal, socialist, re-distributer of their hard earned wealth to those lazy shiftless poor who deserve their poverty! Strange another bible passage comes to mind, it so fits the GOP die hards, blind biblical goats whom jesus will not know!

[Stephen C. Rose - Huffpost Blogger]

Many have indeed lost money including me. But it is important to reflect, as I am reminded by my sensible wife, that we do not -- many of us -- "make" the money that we have lost. It is inherited or given to us and subsequently "made" by the permutations of the market, by the success or failure of our investments. We are not paid for anything we create or any service we provide. I think the hypocrisy that overlays society is based partly on this truth. Something in us would prefer to earn on the basis of our actual worth. I would love for example to be paid because people read and appreciate what I write, and I have in fact been paid for that off and on for a long time. But among my cohorts this means of support is in transition, to put it mildly. Getting paid for what we do and create is one of the main satisfactions in life. Earning the other way is fraught with problems. Not the least of which is that most of the world has no gifts or inheritances to make life bearable. http://stephencrose.wordpress.com

[Balancement]

Sorry, this is my third Christmas out of work--all these nice platitudes are fine for the holidays (and then will be promptly forgotten). Tomorrow I'll *still* be out of work--all of you will return to your jobs (or worrying about catching a flight) and I'll be trying to figure out just how much longer my retirement savings will hold up and where I'll be able to go when it's gone.

Platitudes glow for a day at Christmas for the employed--and the rest of us will sit invisible for the next 364 days.

[BigBen]

sad to hear you are out of work for three years,but glad you had retirement funds to keep you going.I am lucky ,I have a pension and social security.Hopefully they will not run out.I realize that worrying about what will happen when your funds run out is no help.Did you have your house payed for when work stopped?Can you get a reverse mortgage on it? Some senior centers will make arrangements that if you hand over your humble savings they will take care of you. I am like you except for my pension.Are you old enough to get Social Security?And medicare?If so as I said above some places will trade care for your entitlements.

[HillbillyBob]

I would not recommend reverse mortgages to anyone. Some are scams and also if you live too long, you can be thrown out. This I heard from a friend whose mom had that happen and then she was in a worse spot than before as she had no where to live.
I understand where this guy is coming from, really I do. I have been repeatedly laid off or fired when I had been at a place long enough to get benefits , like health insurance or a vacation.
I am disabled now and we manage on my small ssd check and partners income which was cut in half thanks to the gop selling our jobs overseas for quick and dirty profit.
I have been homeless a few times.
I hear the news say unemployment is 6 12%, If you aren't work, its 100% for you.
No pension. I worked more than one job, I have never been extravagant. Trying to get by on low wage even when working as an electrician in a so called right to work state. When I was working there was not enough money to go to school or energy.
It seems our former democracy is now seems third world for the working classes and former middle class, but its grand if you can inherit millions.
Balancement, I hope things break your way soon. May the Goddess bless you and keep you.
Robert

[emolik16]

This year allow me to recognize the difference in pleasure and happiness. The former being fleeting, the permanence of the latter.
At the risk of sounding like a Pollyanna, I have discovered in myself the fact that the only time I am truly happy is when I get outside of myself and do something for someone else.
Yes, I do believe I am my brother's keeper. There-in lies the real meaning of a worthwhile, useful life.

[whatsthatsound]

My pet ferret is sleeping on my lap as I sit at the computer. My seventeen year old daughter is singing some goofy Japanese song a couple feet away. My mind works pretty good. I've got some great opera DVDs. I'm wealthy.

[ndem]

My parents are here in Paris with us, having flown in from Texas, and we feel very very lucky to have family here. Thank G-d we are coming back to what really matters. Gone the days of mindless giving! That was never the spirit of giving anyway.

For the young couple marrying in a few days we made a family photo book....they called and said it was the best gift they received...they were in tears...

[mistymi]

I have family. According to Mr Leamer, I am wealthy. Yet it would certainly help to have a bit of the green stuff to help my family pay the rent next month. I am retired. My children are now all out of work.. There is no Christmas Tree. No decorations. Yet we have each other and our faith in God that somehow we will make it through the dark night of winter. I do not envy the wealthy. Whether or not they earned it, it's theirs and I am sorry that some of them have lost so much to a MadeOff!

[FZliveson]

I went with a group of men and women to a convalescent hospital, where we served food, sang carols, played guitar and banjo and gave about $50 in gifts to each of the 31 patients there. Many of the patients would not have had a visitor or a call during the holidays. The joy of giving this to the suffering unfortunates filled me with a joy that makes everything else in the season into the cherry on top of a delicious cake. Seeing the faces of joy, surprise and gratitude of these people, who bore children, built bridges and went to war for us was fantastic. We got donations from businesses and individuals to support the effort and we had enough money left-over to buy some nice plates and flatware so they can enjoy a monthly sit-down "banquet" together in some style. It is indeed a Merry Christmas, despite any grumblings about money and the economy. Sigh!

[GhostwriterDoF]

What we value most in life defines us. "tis not wealth or lack of wealth that is the problem, it is a lack of compassion and common decency that plagues us now. In hard times, we have to rely on one another, as well as look out for one another more so than other times. Perhaps out of this crisis, people will remember that was what America has been about since her birth, and has always been our obligation to each other, family, friend and neighbor.

[TrooAmerican]

Bernie Madoff.

Ya know he screwedover aLOT of wealthy folks and some certainly that were doing some charitable works.

However, the fact is that his actions and the consequences have done virtually NOTHING ZERO ZILCH to most all Americans.
Why? because they dont have the money to invest heavily in such ventures to worry about the "TRUST" issue.
Because they dont have the money due to the rest of the financial A-Holes currently stealing tax money from the feds or (us) and handing it out to themselves, and likely facing their demise sometime next year.
That Upsets most Americans, because as the vast Majority of Americans dont make enough money to afford luxury, significant investment or massive purchases, they are obviously more worried about their modest homes or fragile jobs. Because any setbacks push most americans over the edge of financial ruin. Hence the MAssive increase in Bankruptcies & Foreclosures during this 1 yr long recession, and Exceedingly high 3-6 yr long cost of living penalty the poor and middle class have been feeling basically since 2002.
Its great that Oil dropped so fast, but that tells us average americans that Oil prices were a fraudulent bubble anyway, and it should be against public policy to allow that to happen as its also a matter of national security, and Energy company profits should be forcibly marginalized to the benefit of the population that needs it.

[GhostwriterDoF]

I often speak out against the Influential, who happen to be wealthy. Try to cut these people some slack. They are victims just like we are, and in truth, this is only the beginning for them. The greed of the corporations has tapped out the masses, where else are they to turn with their insatiable hunger? Let us not blame all of the wealthy for the deeds of the few.

[TrooAmerican]

I understand where you're comin from... but i dont agree.
I will not cut the wealthy any slack at all.
A) those that truly ARE good, are using their money to help others, not to just keep amassing more fortunes and personal empire building.
B) the Wealthy ARE the FEW. Theres only about 10million Rich people in this country and thats including their families.
That leaves 290 million middle class, poor and destitute and their families.
Who cuts some slack for poor people evicted from their homes and now homeless?
The charities, shelters, missions, churches, and food banks Cannot handle the flood of needy we have now. what happens if the Federal Govmt cuts off hte social programs that the Republicans have fought against for decades?
Thats all thats been standing in the way of making our nation a "3rd world nation" for the past 50 yrs.
Things have to change, and its the rich that have to begin changing first. The poor cant do anything...they have no control or influence on their futures. The only ones with capability to change the nation are the rich.
I will not cut slack for those that create hunger from their ways of life, and public policy they set forth.

[SurenS]

Bravo TrooAmerican, I could not have said it better. On this early part of Christmas day, you are my hero for so perfectly describing what I am thinking about this whole mess. I am always amazed how the rich take care of themselves, and the government bails out the mega losers who, out of their greed, screwed so many out of so much. Our do-nothing congress with our do nothing president have screwed us, and will screw the next 15 generations with the debt that is being amassed now...Obama ain't gonna fix this, either...and placing all of the country's hopes on an Obama bail out is a set up for failure of the the greatest magnitude.

[HillbillyBob]

You got that all right. We know we are lucky and finally in a decent place of our own. It is warm and dry and we have enough to eat, up from nearly starving just 4 years ago, and losing our home in fla, jobs, me getting sick and not being able to work. We found a cheap place to buy, it was abandoned, but in fair shape, room for a garden. When we were looking at being completely destitute, we had each other and my family did help with what they could. We did go hungry, but we made sure that our dogs had food, it was not their fault we were in a hole. their unconditional love helped, and one is my seizure alert. She has saved my life, adds to the quality of life as warns up to a day in advance and I can take extra seizure med and usually avoid the worst of the effects which can last for days, she alerted to a pending heart attack and was so vocal and persistant, when the pains started I went immediately to ER.

[TrooAmerican]

see, thats why our society needs to have a safety net. There is no recourse for people having severe medical issues, and be able to pay bills keep a roof, etc. Why in God's name should we be allowing anyone to go homeless when the Fed is handing out big tax breaks and freebies to the richest people on earth?

[nomoredead]

Amen.

[SeriousBlack]

"Happiness is not an entity to be pursued, but a feeling that overcomes you when you have lived a meaningful life."

Truer words have never been spoken.