You know how I love to take inventory and encourage you to do the same. If you've been following my blog, you probably already know this list. But for those of you who are new to my blog, here's an at-a-glance list of my top fears, most of which I've managed to act in the face of at least a few times:
It's important to remember that, like I have, you too have already faced a bunch of your fears and overcome them. Take a moment to think about all the ones you've conquered and how good it felt. Ask yourself, "What did I have to call forth?"
Now, make a list of the fears you're still working on (or avoiding). Commit to spend the rest of this year facing and chasing those fears. Facing your fears will give you pride and self-respect. Chasing your fears, and using them as a way to know you're up to something big in your life, is not only empowering, but is also the key to your highest highs.
The Handel Method® offers a few steps for facing and chasing your fears:
Dear Fear,
I wanted to write you a threatening letter, in hopes that it would make you go away once and for all. You are not welcome in my life. I know I invited you, and I know I keep feeding you, which is an obvious disincentive for your departure, but in my heart of hearts I have not deeply embraced you, and it will be one of the great accomplishments of my life never to do so.
It's interesting the coping behaviors you bring up in me. Rather than feel your presence, I intoxicate myself with alcohol, food, sex, anger and even shopping -- you know, procuring "solutions" to my problems. It's a relief when I'm too busy and I have no time for you.
Needless to say, turning toward you is my salvation, and has been time and again. When I don't feel your presence, it's a good indication I have turned away from the path and gone some easy route. Every time I have waded into you, it has produced the exceptional results of my life: my education, my wife, my children, my career choices and my most difficult, needed communications.
So, in the end, in spite of my rudeness, and in spite of my intention to reject you and eject you, I must embrace you as perhaps the truest best friend I ever had. Many, many thanks.
Love,
Will
In closing, I want you to know that I know it is not easy to be the sore thumb, the brave one, the bigger (wo)man or the one who speaks up. I know you think it would be better to save the risk or have the other person go first. But here's the problem: It won't bring you the pride or satisfaction you really want. True pride and joy come from doing the brave thing, getting over the voice of the chicken or the brat and acting in accordance with your highest ideals, even if other people don't agree or are uncomfortable at first. Handel Group™ life coaching is, at its heart, about finding your courage and acting on it.
Love, Laurie
p.s. Begin the process of uncovering and designing the "real you" and consider taking him or her out into the world. Join me and my special guest Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love for "Fear: Let's Face It" teleseminar on Thursday, August 25 at 8:30-9:30pm. Only $10 with promo code: August50.
Follow Laurie Gerber on Twitter: www.twitter.com/HGLifeCoaching
Donna Labermeier: No Fear in the New Year: The Only Resolution You Will Ever Need
Mark Goulston, M.D.: Calming Global Fears, One Person and One Conversation at a Time
Marcia Sirota: The Death of Amy Winehouse and the Failure of Rehab
We hear a great deal about breathing through the fear.
But when something frightening happens, I am not sure if the first thing we think of is to breath harder.
I love you (darling), (as appropriate), but…
"Any time I ever lead a live event, workshop or retreat."
Just imagine that everyone there is in their underwear. If you find this too easy, you may have walked into the wrong room.
"Filming for my TV show."
Believe that the only person watching you is the camera operator. Who knows, you might be right.
"New sexual endeavors."
Sex is like riding a bike. Just try not to fall off and scrape your knees.
"Guest blogging anywhere new."
Believe that the only entity reading what you’ve written is the spell-check. Oar maybee nit evn thit.
"Driving in New York City."
Always drive as though everyone else was trying to kill you. Because some of them are.
"Giving up sugar"
Imagine what the taste of everything would be like without sugar. That’s what you have to do if it has sugar.
"Jumping off the high dive."
The brave die only once. Cowards do it repeatedly.
If I face my fears it could result in failure and if so I could lose my job which means more to me than my fear.
I have a fear I face everyday aside from the above. My wife has a drug addiction. If she relapses she could die instantly. I face that possibility every day, sometimes every hour. I can only do so much the rest is just waiting watching and preparing for the horror. She's doing well and we work at it together but in the backof my mind I know addiction sends the brain into a strange place rationalizing the insane inorder to acquire and re-experience.
She was clean for a year and a half then relapsed once. The doctors emphasized if she does it again her heart can't take it.
At this point my fear is just a poisonous nusance to what is lurking out there.
By fear at wheel
I have misguided
My life
Never too late to heal
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Describes me exactly when I'm afraid. It sucks-followed by guilt, shame and regret for having taken it out on other people.