When I talk to leaders, I find out that a lot of them struggle with feeling like frauds. After all the work you do to succeed, do you sometimes still end up feeling like a fraud?
Recently my leadership capacities took a leap forward when I realized that I was being a hypocrite. I was telling other people to speak the truth to their parents, and I wasn't standing up and speaking "my truth" to my dad on the subject of his smoking. As soon as I started dealing with that head on, I experienced more confidence in front of large audiences and in front of the camera.
I know another great leader who, despite tons of success as an internationally known fitness instructor, still felt like she didn't really know what she was doing. She opened up and began talking about it in front of her classes and realized that she had been thinking that her unique version of exercise was some how "less than" other more established brands. However, in revealing that, and in rethinking it, she realized that it was in fact even more special because it was different. But then there was this other compounding issue of updating her certifications, which she also admitted needing to do. Clearing that up, she experienced a whole new level of success and confidence. She stopped hiding her internal dialogue (which we all know is so often wrong) and started telling the truth about her trials and triumphs as part of each class she led. As she made transparency her policy, she was forced to deal head-on with anything that was troubling her and was loved through her process by her students. The public nature of this type of leadership caused her to correct things in her life and to be an inspiration in ways she had only dreamed of doing "on her own" or with just a therapist. What a gift to have "a public." What an inspiration she was to her public.
I know a spiritual leader, similarly, who was shocked and appalled to realize that she was teaching a message of peace and acceptance while regularly losing control with her young son and yelling at him. On some level, how could she not feel like a fraud? But we don't say to ourselves, "I am a fraud." Instead, when thinking of taking the next leadership risk, we think things like, "I am just shy," or, "I'm not good enough yet," or even, "I don't really want/care about that." The truth is, we do want more and we do care.
Many of you have a vision for something you want to see happen. It could be a reconciliation or improvement in your family or in your marriage. It could be a better household system with your kids. It could be teaching the art of breathing or pottery or architecture or law to a group of students, or it could be working with a non-profit or company that has a local, national or global mission to fulfill. To get the job done, you need to be free to lead, confident in yourself, your ability and your right to command others to listen and follow you.
Consider that you want someone to follow your lead. In order to hold your head high and ask for that, you need to really trust yourself. The first step in building self-trust is telling the truth about where you are right now. If you are stuck in your leadership, ask yourself if you have one or more of the issues I brought up in my first three examples.
When you start talking about it to others (truthfully), you are forced to deal with it.
Dip your toe in to this process by first confessing something on my life coaching blog. Leave a comment and I'll respond. And if you haven't already, I recommend that you schedule a free life coaching session.
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I probably do not hold the same political beliefs as the man married to Gabriel Gifford but I know that this is a man of leadership.
In the service once I watched a 19 year old boy dive (yes dive) into a metal elevator shaft 10 feet down while in operation landing on a nuclear warhead and with his hands retrieved a soldiers foot that was severed by a windlock vent (heavy steal flap). He wanted that young man to have his foot for future use. He then climbed back up with the foot in his pocket and ran it to the helicopter crew to be reattached at the nearest emergency medical facility. He continued to do his job for 12 hours after that event without break and without discussion.
THATS LEADERSHIP. I brought that man coffee and lunch all day after I cried like a baby in my bunk from watching it. We later learned the surgeon reattached the man's foot without a problem.
That young man who risked his life for another's quality of life didn't hesitate. He knew he wanted that man to have his foot more than he feared for his life. How do you lead a man with this much character ? You had better have more.
a Courage. Not courage to "look your best". The type of courage it takes to do battle with an enemy that is hurting people. HIV, Cancer, Pollution, Starvation, genocide, ....courage displayed in the face of warranted fear.
b Accountability. Your devotion to being held to account for your actions and the results of those actions. To go on public record and to announce your actions and predict the results before you begin then share the evolution of those actions with the public.
c Vision. You must know what the future needs to look like.
d Selfless. No part of your actions will be to further your benefit. Your actions are to help others.
e Sacrifice. You must be willing and open and ready to lay down your person under assault to help others. Taking the heat off of someone who is a target of aggression or attack.
f Success. You must succeed at your endeavor.
g Consistent. You must be balanced and consistent with your character.
These are the basics of leadership. You don't have to be smart, or nuturing, or charming or well dressed. You have to be right and you have to be good and strong.
In times of real horror any human will immediately instinctly know who to trust and the thoughts that go through your head don't give a damn about status, position, title or fashion.
Leadership is not a fashion statement.
1. Trusting oneself is good advice BUT it's not really what leadership IS.
2. "....To get the job done......free to lead, confident in yourself, your ability and your right to command others to listen and follow you"
That statement in itself is THE PROBLEM with American view of leadership. It's flawed. No its broken. Not useable.
If you've served in the military you realize quickly that the definition of leadership is far greater than you had ever imagined. People do not follow other people because they WANT to be "incharge". They follow them because they know in their hearts this person is selfless, courageous and willing to sacrifice themselves for others not just for a cause but for their very lives.
Nobody gives a damn if you WANT to be incharge. More than likely you weren't voted into the position which immediately casts a dark pall over anyone's "leadership". In fact I would say if you weren't elected you probably stink at being a leader but your self indulgent and delusional enough to "go with it" not realizing nobody wants to follow you.
Our president is a leader. He's has shown he is willing to sacrifice his life for others. He could have easily staying in private sector. GW Bush on the other hand failed miserably in the private sector and had to rig the election to get the job.
http://www.amazon.com/Leadership-Self-Deception-Getting-Out/dp/1576751740
If a leader is hung up on his own failings, then he isn't much of a leader, is he?
The ignominious leader is full of himself for himself and sees members as a means of fulfilling his dreams and ambitions. The mission of the organization may or may not be honored depending how it coincides with the leader's personal or group needs. The members are always waiting in stagnation and decline for the leader to tell them what to do next. This type of leader demands center stage and has all the answers all the time.