CA Supreme Court Cuts the Marriage Equality Baby in Half - and It Hurts

I am in my kitchen crying while my 3 year old is parked in front of the television in the other room so she won't see my tears.

Earlier today, I wrote a brief post noting that it is a "significant and beautiful day for our nation" because we had a qualified president nominate a qualified jurist for an opening on the Supreme Court -- and they both happen to be people of color.

So what changed?

The California Supreme Court decided to split the proverbial baby in half with regard to its decision about Proposition 8 -- they upheld the amendment to the California state constitution limiting marriage to opposite sex couples and yet upheld the validity of the marriages between same-sex couples which took place before the Proposition passed with a narrow popular vote margin. As a friend of mine noted, I didn't expect it to hurt this much.

I know that the decision by the CA Supreme Court to uphold the 18,000 marriages between same-sex couples already performed is a partial victory for marriage equality.

More importantly, I know that the trajectory of history is on the side of marriage equality for same-sex couples -- and that we will, sooner rather than later, look back on these days with disbelief that it was ever even an issue. So I know that the future is bright.

But today, right now, I am just a mom who is home sick caring for her also sick child (thank you, group A streptococcus) and a mom who also happens to be a lesbian.

And it hurts to see the images on the news of signs that say "Gay = Pervert" (thankfully my daughter is too young to be able to read yet) and to hear the news that yet another group of my fellow Americans has decided that it is okay to declare me and other lesbians and gay men to be second class citizens. It just hurts. There is no other way to put it.

No doubt I am more conscious of the hurt today because I am tired and sick -- but I am also mature, educated, safe and greatly privileged in many areas of my life. It breaks my heart to think of all of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young people out there who do not have my advantages and of what this must feel like to them.

What might appear to others to be some kind of even-handed compromise nevertheless cuts like a knife for many of us.

Comments

[Scent]

I can not but feel pain at any man or woman implying that he or she is better than someone else.

I know. It´s totally and profoundly american to feel superior. - Rightfully or not. But has it NOT occured to anyone yet that that is exactly what every single empire in history did before they crashed?

And then people talk about wolerating others and being so good and free. - The problem is that tolerating anyone or anything means that You STILL believe in being superior. That you just want to clap yourself on the shoulder for being so liberal.

What ever happened to coexistence? - To respecting your fellow man or woman AS HE / SHE IS and not as YOU believe is right? - To actually believeing that a lesbian, or a gay, or a hispanic or a chinese, or ..... ARE humans with the same value as yourself and not just pretending to own the right to give them what is already theirs by right? You can not give any human being freedom. They ARE free. All You can do is take it away.

And nothing grieves me more than the mass of people who are prepared to do just that.

To define freedom as their freedom to take someone elses.

[rcdcr]

Amazing that Heterosexuals are so capable of creating Gay people, but have no idea how to treat them with dignity and respect and most importantly, EQUALITY.

I wonder what God(ess) thinks of this? Is he/she proud of humanity today?

I wonder...

[losungen]

I wonder what God thinks about your assertion that "people make people," gay or otherwise. God and man as equals? That's interesting.

[Justice Wainwright]

More importantly, who cares what any god or goddess thinks anymore than we care what Santa Claus does.

Rodor makes a wonderful point however, whether you believe in a god or not.

[LintLass]

Sounds like you're the one, Losungen, reading that into this post and/or making that assumption about 'God.'

[klbrz]

It's the worst, but I think you're right, it will happen eventually. And I would definitely have my feelings hurt. It blows my mind that this is an issue today - 50 years ago, yeah, but how can there still be that many narrow minded people still alive?

I was also wondering why this was challenged in the court the way it was? I am no law expert, but why not try to make the separation of church/state or freedom of religion connection? In this country marriage is a secular institution. You can get married in a church, but without a license from the state, you are not legally married. Conversely, you can get married at the courthouse, with no need for a priest or minister. Since it's secular, how can rights be granted to gays in some areas, but not marriage?

[Andrew Reiser]

Dear Ms. Renna,

Hang in there. This was such a beautiful and very touching post. This country will change and will allow all people in love to be married. Please hang in there and continue the fight.

[XiomaraASosa]

Leah, thank you for sharing your personal emotions about this very personal issue. I know today was a hurtful thing to watch, legalizing discrimination is never an easy thing to watch for those of us with souls and hearts. You & Cathy have both. One day this will not be accepted by the majority of us in this country. Perhaps your lovely daughter will live in a different kind of America when she’s older. Until then, I wish you heaven. Xiomara A. Sosa