I often wonder why, when two people get divorced, yet parented together while they were married, they suddenly can't parent together anymore. Is the anger so great that one parent can't see past it or around it? Is the resentment so large that the thought of the best interest of the child is no longer important? Or, was that parent always apathetic towards parenting to begin with?
When I was married, I raised my children virtually alone. I fed them, bathed them, read to them, played with them and taught them. My ex believed that because he worked all day, he was just too tired to parent. Now that we are divorced, he has your standard visitation with a few twists, and he still parents the same way. He is uninvolved and only interested in their religious upbringing. Everything else is a waste of time and energy.
Apathetic parenting can go both ways. It is not always the non-custodial parent that is apathetic, it can be the parent with primary custody who is apathetic, but in the end, no matter which parent is apathetic, it only hurts the children, and those children never asked to be in this situation to begin with. There is rarely a good excuse to be an uninvolved parent, no matter what your custody arrangements are.
Not all co-parents are apathetic, but what do you do when you have an apathetic co-parent? No matter how apathetic your ex is, you still do everything to try to co-parent. You need to discuss issues that involve the children, whether it has to do with school or just basic welfare.
When you have exhausted all outlets of communication with your ex, and they are still not responsive to the children's needs, then make the decision yourself.
For instance, if your child needs educational testing, and your ex hears from you and the teachers that it is necessary, but then says the testing will always find something wrong and will hurt the child's self esteem, what do you do? You test your child anyway!
How do you make sure you are allowed to make those decisions yourself? When you have an apathetic co-parent, it is so important to be sure that in the decree and parenting plan it is crystal clear who gets to make the decisions. If these ground rules are not laid out in the beginning, you will find yourself at odds with the co-parent as well as back in court often.
How do you deal with the apathetic co-parent? Whether or not the other parent is involved, you still need to keep them informed. They are the other parent, after all. Be sure, that no matter what decisions you ultimately make, before implementing them try one more time to communicate! If that doesn't work, be sure to let the other parent know all the details of the decision you have ultimately made and the reason why you feel it is what that child needs. Cover all your bases!!
In the end, no matter who divorced whom, if you have children they are who matters. You are not just a parent while you are married to your spouse; you are a parent for life.