John Edwards, Change Your Media Strategy NOW! (Ask Me How!)

Senator Edwards,

I have no idea who is advising you right now but since they suck I'm going to start advising you myself.

A couple of weeks ago, I urged progressives to get out in front of this story. Now I'm urging you to. And pronto because there's an election to win and I don't want you to screw it up by continuing to mishandle the mess you, your ego, and lil' John got so many people into.

What you are doing isn't working and it's not going to work.

I may sound a little flip in this piece but I'm telling you the truth. Your interview was lame and embarrassing and we're supposed to think that that was it? You're done? No more interviews?

Did you think this was going to be over on the weekend? You thought the story would just run on a Friday and people would kind of shrug it off because the Olympics were on and it's only a tabloid story?

Senator, when you skulk without your sick wife's knowledge to the Beverly Hills Hilton late at night to meet the former party girl filmmaker you had a secret affair with because you got a call from her psychic friend...hey, guess what? You're the living embodiment of tabloid.

You may be done for a little while but there's a lot of other people involved and I have feeling they will have something to say. And so will their sister. Then you'll hobble back to the a microphone and it may be too late.

Four quick suggestions.

You're going to have stop thinking like a lawyer.
You have a little devil perched on your shoulder. It's your Lawyer Devil. Let's call him J.D. He's the one who's helped you get so far down this ugly and treacherous road. J.D. makes you parse sentences and withhold information. He's got to go.

I think I see what you and J.D. are up yo. You're just trying to keep leave room open for reasonable doubt. For instance, as long as you deny the baby was yours and as long as Rielle Hunter won't agree to a paternity test, you have enough reasonable doubt that your defenders can argue that the baby isn't really yours. It's a strategy so smart, it's stupid! Because the baby isn't really the issue and reasonable doubt would get you off in murder trial but not the court of public opinion.

Plus, there's that interview you did. Your timeline doesn't make sense. Your motivations for going back to the hotel to meet Hunter are suspect. You haven't really been honest so far and you know it. You've been 'honest'. That's much worse.

There's time to change course if you act quickly. They are going to be talking about you on The View Monday. So ignore J.D. and just go on The View. On Monday.

Let Joy kick your ass for a while. Allow Elizabeth to get all up in your face and just sit there and take it. Let Sherri tell you some embarrassing story and smile and nod when she compares you to herself. I'd advise against sitting near Whoopi. Don't try to control the situation. If you make it off that couch alive, it will make you stronger.

Start thinking like Howard Stern
Right now, you're The Liar. People don't believe you because they shouldn't believe you.

The way to stop being the liar is to start being the Really Uncomfortably Honest Guy. Let it all hang out, John. Everything. Something pops in your head, say it. It'll be hard at first but probably not nearly as hard as that punch in the gut feeling you got hiding in the bathroom at the Beverly Hills Hilton, I swear to friggin' God.

Start thinking like John McCain
John McCain has done some awful things and I'm not just talking about his policy positions. He's cheated on his sick wife and dumped her for someone younger and richer and healthier. How do I know these things? Because John McCain talks about them all the time. He talks about them with reporters. He brought it up first.

Plan to do this for the next thirty years or so, by the way.

Start thinking like Barack Obama
This past March with allegations about his relationship with Tony Rezko swirling, Barack Obama did an interview with the the Chicago Tribune. Take note; it worked.

"The most remarkable facet of Obama's 92-minute discussion was that, at the outset, he pledged to answer every question the three dozen Tribune journalists crammed into the room would put to him. And he did."

I listened to all 92-boring-minutes of it myself. I knew more than I ever needed to know about Obama's real estate transactions.

People without information assume things. Their brains paint made up details in their heads. Bore us the hell out of your scandal, John.

Wrap Up
That's your first advice session and it's free. If you have any friends who can funnel money into a bank account for me, that'd be awesome. Or PayPal, whatever. Santa Barbara is a great town and we love the food at La Super-Rica Taqueria so we'll be fine there for any amount of time anyone wants to put us up. My wife loves to babysit, by the way.

Comments

[MorpheusXNYC]

I've got to say, I begrudgingly agree with the assessment and the advice.

Nobody talks about McCain being married to his mistress or Obama's relationship with Rezko because they put it all out there and in the end, people came to the conclusion that ther really was "nothing to see here, folks".

It's like hiding something behind your back. When you do, the curiosity drives the other person into a frenzy, but if when they ask you you hand it to them and show them what it's for and what it does, they lose interest and walk way.

Reverse psychology. Bore them with the truth and make them feel ashamed for hounding you about a simple human mistake.

People barely remember the fact that Edwards voted for the war because he was quick to say "I made a mistake and I want my vote back". So he's forgiven.

Hillary on the other hand.....

[meanguy]

how about "start thinking with your big head?"

[Doofus]

Indeed. If Edwards doesn't get right in front of this
matter immediately, it could cost him the election!

On the other hand, perhaps it's McCain who is the
father of Rielle Hunter's Love Child!

Please, say it isn't so... I sense a looming catastrophe!

[BEHM777]

This great advice. The mouths of those that want to perpetuate this story will be shut if John Edwards does this. Still, I can understand his desire and right to leave it be.

BEHusseinM777

[Bernovac]

I applaud your unflagging efforts to salvage Edwards and the American Dream. What are we losing here? Edwards spoke out for the poor and voiceless. Bush lies, Cheney lies, Rove lies... the indiscretions of McCain, Gingrich, Guiliani... all go unchallenged. But Edwards, who barely withstood the onslaught of a $400 haircut, is going down over this because he was the true champion of change. Okay, Obama has to go to the center to win. So who will be at the convention now to champion the underclass? No one, that's who. It will be all red, white and blue in Denver. Oprah has rented a house for $50,000 for 4 days. So if we turn our backs on Edwards, we and our country will lose much more than a flawed human being. As Edwards said when he dropped out, "I'm going to be fine." Bill Clinton is fine. Bush and Cheney are fine. Gingrich is fine. They all are. Only America loses any hope it had of recovering the American Dream. That's why people are going wild over this: if we give into it, it is truly the end. And some are determined to end it. So keep fighting... and thanks!

[sparkandy]

That's sure the truth. I'd still vote for Edwards if he were running, and I know a lot of other people who would. Saving the country is much more important than any little human foibles. Unfortunately, we don't get that choice.

[Bernovac]

Nice post and good suggestions. You've redeemed yourself from chastising Elizabeth. (Really, Stranahan!). Anyway, the ideas here are good. Do you really think there's hope?

[lifeinfullcolor]

How is it going to look if he is the father and he doesn't take responsibility for his child, is his finance director going to continue to pay her 15,000 a month, let her stay in the mansion. I do think these politicians are out of touch, thinking we're supposed to believe this man just paid this money out of the goodness of his heart. If this Andrews fellow is the father, where is he and why isn't he speaking up, did he convenietly go back to his wife and children. I'm sorry Edwards dissapointed people, I never really connected with him, I connected with his two America's, but not him. It's got to be really dissapointing to those that gave money to his campaign.

[gage]

Allegedly, Hunter and her baby are living with Young, and his wife and kids, all in the same expensive house, paid for by Edwards' fundraiser Fred Baron.

This story is only getting more bizarre by the day. If Edwards thinks this is gonna go away, he is crazy.

[MaryscottOConnor]

I'd like to see OBAMA change his media strategy and start attacking the bejeezus out of McCain. Not just parrying, but thrusting. Enough defense -- there's enough ammunition, god knows.

Edwards is meaty media fodder, to be sure, and lord knows they want to keep this story alive, but this season is about Obama/McCain.

McCain has tried (and to a certain extent succeeded) in making this election a referendum on Obama. With no right. After eight years of Bush fascism, this OUGHT to be a referendum on McCain, and Obama has GOT to do it.

So Lee, take tihs newfound bully pulpit and use it... on Obama. Please. Enough of Edwards, for the love of God and everything holy and UNholy.

[gage]

Wrong strategy, Maryscott. There are so many unanswered questions about this bizarre situation.

This story won't go away until all the questions are answered. You can try to wish it away, and try to make bloggers shut up about it, but It's Not Going Away.

Meanwhile, it's going to be a distraction from the Obama campaign, and the convention. Edwards has proved again what a selfish sob he is by failing to come clean, and the party will suffer for it. he should let it all be known and take his punishment like a grownup.

Don't you people know the slightest little thing about crisis management? The ONLY way to handle these things is to get everything out ASAP, because only then can damage control begin, and only then will the media start to shut up.

This is elementary. It's basic, fundamental, and obvious. I'm astonished that some of you folks don't get this.

[Quaoar]

Edwards is not running for President and he will never be President. The best advice for him would be to be go back to private practice as an ambulance-chaser. As it is, any attention paid to his affair only detracts from more serious issues.

[Mickeleh]

Stranahan, the putz won't listen to you, but he should. Great post.

[ayiticherie]

This man is too busy duckin' and weavin' to deal with a truth that he has yet to admit but everyone with half a brain knows. Mark my words. As soon as Reille realizes that Edwards has thrown both her and their love child completely under the bus and that God has blessed Elizabeth with a long long long life then she'll throw all pretense of "love" out of the window and will be shopping for that movie/bookdeal quicker than you can say, I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

[Skepticat]

People are used to being lied to by politicians - honesty is so rare that voters usually appreciate it.

[rickmv]

Edwards must think everyone but him is an idiot. First he says he'll take a paternity test, but is quick to add that the mistress must agree to one also. Clearly he is paying her NOT to agree to a test, then he thinks he'll be covered because of his "agreement" to take one. We are also to believe that his finance manager just "decided" to help the woman move to California, AND put her up in a $3 million mansion? Lastly, we are just to accept that he was in L.A. and spent the night with a woman who he claims 1)he doesn't love, 2) isn't even seeing anymore and a kid whose "not his"? Look I'm a lawyer and I know plenty of them who aren't that bright in the sense of street smarts. This guy is just plain clueless, trying to lie his way out of a hopeless situation and each lie is more ridiculous than the last.

[HamletsMill]

Spot on analysis, rickmv. If I ever need a good lawyer, I am going to find you.

[speranza]

You call that lying if someone - also a public figure - is trying to protect his private and his sex life. It is none of anybodys business whats going on in peoples bedrooms: quote: Prime Minister P.E. Trudeau (Canada) 1968! You see, we Europeans just think you're hysterical and full of hypociritcal moral doubelstandards when it comes to the three letter word SEX. You had this totally embarrassing Clinton/Lewinsky affair which you thought had to be spread out in all detail in front of the whole world and even wanted to empeach him! Excuse me, in which century do you live?!

The guy does not even hold a public office, so what is it of anybodys business anyway! Just imagine Sarkozy being the US President..lol! You would be the laughing stock of the world the way you would react. The guy just married for the third time and a model, where there are plenty of naked pictures around in the yellow press and on the net. Imagine that in the states. ?!

It is sickening to see that you are not able to learn and leave people alone with their sex lifes and try to criminalise politicians who are rightly so not willing to talk about it -you call that "Lying..."??? Mind your own business or better deal with REAL issues!!!

[MPCarr]

During the primaries I said over and over (ask my son) that of all the candidates in the field, Edwards was the one I could not stand, because he was a self absorbed phony.

Now we all know he is a self absorbed phony. Beyond confirming my instincts were right, I don't care about the details of the affair, unless it involves campaign funds going to Ms. Hunter or other illegal activities.