Sarah Palin Named Nation's First Humor Czar

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a hastily called press conference, Sarah Palin - the Governor of Alaska and a key to Republican success in the 2008 Presidential election -- was today named as the United State's first "Humor Czar"; a newly created position in The Department Of Homeland Security. Palin, who is as well known for her intellect as her sense of humor, will be responsible for overseeing and approving all of America's "jokes, gags, satire, mirth, merriment, irony, one liners, bits, sketches and other humor related materials."

Humorists including David Letterman, Bill Maher, Jon Stewart, Steven Colbert, Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Chris Rock, Will Durst, Andy Borowitz, Andy Cobb, Lee Camp, Whoopi Goldberg and Obama Girl could not be reached for comment as they were all being transported to Guantanamo Bay, newly rechristened "Budd Friedman's The Improv At Guantanamo Bay." Early reports are all expected to plead guilty on Palin's upcoming "Showtime At The Tribunal!" special and have asked supporters to please tip the waitresses, because they work hard out there.

At the news conference, Palin was flanked by comedians Larry The Cable Guy and Dennis Miller. Both expressed support for Palin and agreed comedy had gone 'too far' in a direction they called "un-funny, un-American and un-good." When asked by reporter Tommy Christopher about the ramifications of mass censorship, Mr. The Cable Guy replied, "Censorship? Git 'er done!". Most reporters chuckled, especially when Governor Palin glared at them with a wide, twisted grin on her face.

In a dramatic twist at the press conference, comic Dennis Miller caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror standing with Palin and Larry The Cable Guy. A look of sudden recognition came over his face before he grabbed a loaded revolver from a Secret Service agent, made a quick reference to 13th century French architect Jean de Chelles and then blew his own brains out. Palin roared with laughter.

Palin made a brief statement in which she said that jokes about rape clearly crossed a line, particularly since rape was so serious a crime that women should be required to pay for their own rape kits and should be forced to carry a pregnancy to term if they were raped. She said that it wasn't funny that Alaska's rate of rape and sexual assault were high above the national average and that it also wasn't humorous in any way that her promotion of 'abstinence only' sex education had resulted in her teenage daughter becoming an unwed teenage mother. Reporters sat quietly since none of this was, in fact, funny and Palin has recently banned irony.

Palin responded to questions about whether Letterman had unfairly exploited her children for publicity by throwing her baby with Down's syndrome at Helen Thomas's head, then pointing in another direction and screaming 'Socialist!' a high screechy voice.

When asked about her former running mate John McCain having made a joke in 1998 about Chelsea Clinton being 'ugly', Czarina Palin pointed out that jokes about the Clintons are funny. A nearly dead Dennis Miller agreed.

The announcement of Pain's new position was made by Governor Palin's husband, Todd. It's not clear if the Obama administration is aware of the appointment.

 

 

Follow Lee Stranahan on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Stranahan

Comments

[Clavis]

I endorse this comedy essay and wish to study its DNA.

[DavidDial]

"As well known for her intellect as her sense of humor." You're calling her stupid, aren'tcha?

[CJWebber]

nothing slips by you, does it?

[DavidDial]

Sharp as a tack. You should see me puttin' lipstick on a pig.

[jazzman]

She'd be about as successful as the humorist czar as she's been in Alaska being the chastity czar.

[snow]

Everyone needs to chill.
However, there should be NO jokes, good or bad, about the children of public figures.
It's gross to watch Palin relish and exploit the situation, which she does at the expense of her 14 year child. If no one knew about it before, they sure do after she got going.... "Hey, did you hear the one about ....."
In a 1992 SNL Wayne's World sketch, the characters Wayne and Garth (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey) made fun of Chelsea Clinton. This joke was subsequently edited out of all repeats and syndication rebroadcasts of this sketch, and by all was an apparently very FIRM response from the Clintons.
The Clintons did not attempt to capitalize on the situation for political gain.
Palin usesher children as props.

[Marnie1]

Surely you meant humorless Czar.
She has none.

[rbenjamin]

Chill baby chill!

[stevemarvin]

Your text appears as ...
"The announcement of Pain's new position was made by ..."

At first I thought that the omission of the "L" in her name was a typo. Then again.....?

[nailinpalinnow]

Believe it or not, protests for Letterman are scheduled to keep rolling...can't keep those Palinbots down! they have another nagfest scheduled in Texas this weekend, and Arkansas and Tennessee are next. Makes perfect sense - How else are outraged geriatric ladies and their grandsons going to spend quality time together in the red states? They bond over painting hate posters about aging comedians and the decline of morals on late night television.

meanwhile, if you want a chuckle, read about Headlines Under A Palin White House, and add your own at http://nailinpalinnow.blogspot.com/2009/06/what-are-your-palin-white-house.html

[csmcmillion]

Czar means "King". The correct term for a female would be "Czarina" meaning "Queen".

[green108]

I can see Palin's reaction from my house.

[hrholmes]

Is her new position different than doggie style? just askin lmao

[Ripedia]

I agree Letterman's joke was unfair and inappropriate, but it's what Palin had coming for her after using her children for publicity.

[Hillrick]

And using again to keep herself in the limelight...

[Circulum Quadrare]

Sarah Palin's speech for tomorrow:

"It's all thanks to our U.S. Military men and women putting their lives on the line for us to secure our rights to the hungry markets in the Lower 48, to safely and responsibly develop our natural resources for progressing energy independence from nations that are not our friends, rein in expenditure without interference from big government with strings attached there. It's all about job creation because every life is precious and we have to walk the walk, not talk the talk. Those brave men and women protect our rights to plow through that door, following in the footsteps of our Founding Fathers, also. God bless America."

Thanks to:

http://palingates.blogspot.com/2009/06/sarah-palin-accepts-apology.html

[voidpirate]

Sarah Palin has officially erased the line between politics and entertainment.

[CryptoSolipsist]

It was a very fuzzy line to begin with...

[joycehelene]

Sarah Palin and her family have now became the butt of all jokes, I sure wouldn't want to be a member of that family. It must be something in the water in Alaska that caused this to happen.

[DarkWitch]

We're all doomed I tell you, doomed!

[MrBurlesk]

Hmmm...sounds like Dr. Zacharay Smith from "Lost in Space"!

[TriciaTakanawa]

lol

I got another one for you "Let the hate flow."

Now what is that from?