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9 Ways To Create (and Keep) Chemistry With Anyone

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I want to make one thing perfectly clear: you can never have 100 percent control over a person's chemical reaction to you due to both your brain structures, genotype, phenotype, DNA, and previous experiences--even prenatal ones. But that's only part of the story. Mother Nature (whose main job here is propagating the species) plays an equally large if not even bigger role in romance.

You first work with nature to create certain chemicals in a person's brain--primarily dopamine and other "feel good" chemicals like dopamine (and, to a certain extent, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine). You'll spark feelings of excitement when these chemicals flow into their caudate nucleus--known by neuroscientists as their "pleasure" or "reward" center. It's sort of like inducing a cocaine high.

Unfortunately, though, the shelf life of these passionate chemicals is, on the average, 18 months to two years. Don't let the books that tell you you'll want to jump each other's bones until you're eighty fool you. Even in the best relationships, the type of chemistry between lovers changes over time, especially after they've given birth to a couple of new earthlings.

You can, however, learn specific techniques to create what are called "bonding chemicals" that make love stay longer and stimulate delicious tides of sex more often. They're definitely not household names like testosterone and estrogen, and they're relatively unknown by people outside science-related fields. But these chemicals that replace the early hot ones are far more precious and essential to a fulfilling life than the sizzling kind. Step by step, you'll learn to create bonding chemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin to keep you together permanently.

A man is attracted to a woman's ability to grow a baby inside her.
A woman is attracted to a man's ability to grow a baby outside him.

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Leil Lowndes is the author of the new book How to Create Chemistry with Anyone--75 Ways to Spark it Fast and Make it Last.