09/06/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

What the New York Times Left Out

Item: The man in the Facebook photographs seems like your average guy having a little fun. Here he is in a festive scene at a park, gamely wearing a red fleece and a Santa Claus hat. Here he is again, playing Frisbee on the beach... Oops. It turns out that this is not a regular person at all. He is, in fact, Sir John Sawers, diplomat and spy, currently the British ambassador to the United Nations, soon to be the chief of MI6, the Secret Intelligence Service. - New York Times, July 6, 2006

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SAWERS: Soooooo wasted last night! Reminds me of that time we infiltrated Putin's girlfriend's dacha on the Black Sea. Anyone else remember? Posting a pic. There's me at the pool next to Gibbons when he still had both arms. He's in Chechnya now. (Shout out to Gibby: How goes it, buddy? Ever knock off that rebel leader you were "guarding with your life"? J )

GIBBONS: I can't beleve it was 9 whole yars ago. We wee so yung!

SAWERS: You're a terrible typist.

GIBBONS: Typng wth 1 hand.

SAWERS: I actually ended up saving Putin's Pekingese when she fell in the deep end, remember that? She'd gotten into the heroin we were going to use to buy that Khazak missile silo, poor thing. Best post ever. (Till Putin got there. LOL!)

SMILEY: Hi all! Totally forgotten that summer! I'm posting my video (infrared) of Putin swimming at night. Guess when you're the leader of the not-so-free world you don't wear skivvies!

MATA HARI: Who's that in the background. You, Sawers?

SAWERS: No, that's my top secret body double. Same guy who did my press conference last week, if you must know. What would I do without him?

I'M SAWERS TWO: Thank you, sir.

SMILEY: Hey, speaking of body doubles, anyone here in touch with that guy we met in Saddam's bunker right before the war? They looked like identical twins!

GIBBONS: I saw hm abut a yar ago in The Cave. Put oon some weight.

FITZO: Hi. Just joining the party.

SAWERS: Hullo, Fitzo! How are things in the White House kitchen?

SMILEY: Re: Saddam's Double. That wasn't fat - it was a suicide belt! He's working for the Obama now.

SAWERS: He is?

SMILEY: My bad. Osama.

GIBBONS: That explans why the two of thm kept watchng that irprt video together.

SAWERS: What video?

GIBBONS: Aiirprt. chiicgo. Blueprnts.

MATA HARI: I'm so glad he found work! I always liked him.

GIBBONS: I herd it was MORE thn like!

MATA HARI: OMG, Gibby! I could say a few choice words about you and the wife of a certain African champion-of-the-people-turned-machete-wielding-dictator. Kept it in your pants and you'd be typing 60 wpm now.

RAGIN' ROGER: Gibby, you're in Chechnya? Me too!

MATA HARI: Hi Roger!

SMILEY: Roger! Finally back from the G-8? Did you do that thing to Sarkozy?

RAGIN' ROGER: Let's just say everyone's wondering why he's suddenly sick! I love my job! Gibby: I'm staying at the Marriott Chechnya under the name Kopek and bored stiff. Come by and I'll give you a big slice of yellow cake! J Turns out I took more than Pervez needs. Where is everyone else? Smiley, from that YouTube video, I'd say you're at the Oasis Suite at the Hotel Dubai - and not alone, either! Probably posing as a Texas oilman so you knock OPEC down a peg with that "gusher" story. Correct?

SMILEY: No comment! ;-)

SAWERS: I'm Googling the Marriott Chechnya right now. Looks nice! Did we really approve that? J

MATA HARI: And I'm Googling the Hotel Dubai. Wow! Can I join Smiley? I could say I'm his wife, which I sort of was. Please, Sawers?

SAWERS: Aw, why the heck not? And maybe I'll meet you there. Re-live old times. Let me just check my availability.

I'M SAWERS TWO: I am ready to serve, sir.

SAWERS: Even at the swearing in? Fantastic! See you spooks poolside at 14:00 tomorrow. Gibby, come and lend a hand -- ha ha. Bring a Pekingese!