Dear Hillary,
Over the past 15 years, I have alternately admired, loathed and merely tolerated your actions. But seeking political power back in the early 90s, you and Bill were the real deal. You both sincerely believed that you could change this country for the better, and you went to work with that intention--without obvious sanctimony, preachiness, or excessive Pollyanna-ishness.
I watched as the press and your political enemies vilified and demonized you. And I watched grand plans ruthlessly thwarted. Healthcare... equality for gays in the military. And then there was that sickening impeachment: all of Washington acting as if Bill's was the first Oval Office dick enswamped by a non-spousal mouth.
It is mind-numbing to consider the money, effort and the feral hatred they poured into destroying you. But it taught you what they were capable of. It taught you the stakes. I think it also taught you a healthy disrespect for the American electorate. "The people, sir, are a great beast," Alexander Hamilton said. And you watched that beast led by a ring through its nose by health insurers and a greasy con man like Newt Gingrich. You watched the beast munch half-truths and outright lies like chiclets, and act as if it found them just as flavorful.
Like many, I was disgusted by your Iraq war vote. But you had the "great beast" and November '08 in mind, didn't you? With Bush in the White House willing and able to fearmonger and a press willing and able to close its eyes and go along, you had to inoculate yourself against the inevitable charge of being yet another Democratic "pussy." Being a woman, you probably felt you had little choice. You had to be twice as tough. I understand.
The Iran Revolutionary Guard vote, however... that remains incomprehensible, and perhaps marks the moment when you tipped the scale from appearing pragmatic, to acting functionally cynical. Don't get me wrong--a healthy dose of cynicism is a necessity in politics. Unhealthy doses generally work for those who seek to impose their own moral order upon others and feel justified in doing whatever it takes to achieve their ends. They're like Catholic inquisitors who truly believe that they're shoving that red hot poker up your ass to save your soul. Unhealthy doses also work for those who'd screw their own mothers to make a buck.
You're neither of those, and your subsequent attempts to act as if you were... to say and do whatever it took... to morph from one persona to the next... it all rang hollow. Your problem was that you never lost the desire to do good, but behaved as if you had. The result was discordance. You'd experienced the warped process in action, and partook. Unfortunately, you indulged too freely, and in doing so, ran a losing campaign.
Now there's the winning candidate who has promised to float above the warped process. Like you, I see intelligence and promise, but I fail to see the extraordinary, magical qualities his supporters accord him. I pray he doesn't believe his own unity/conciliation schtick. Happily, post-Wright, he's already sounding more aggressive. To date, though, He's reminded me of an American Idol contestant with too strong a voice for his limited singing ability. The showy melismas drive the studio (and primary) audiences wild.
However, he ran the better campaign. He has won, he is learning, and this country cannot afford more of the same. We are impoverishing the middle class. We are alienating the world. We are enriching the rich at the expense of the rest. We are further and further divorcing the people from their own government. If it continues, we will complete the transformation from a country, however imperfect, to a huge, anarchic, cruelly Hobbesian "place." A mere place.
But before we get to work supporting the nominee, I want to thank you. Your husband's administration was the first successful Democratic presidency of my lifetime, and seeing it gave me hope. Your initiatives during that administration gave me hope. Your fight against the forces of reaction gave me hope. Real hope, the kind born of work and struggle and heartbreaking defeats.
I hope that the nominee learns from your guts, your strength, your fight. I hope that, as a nominee, he learns from your experiences and your successes and your missteps. I hope he lives up to the best of your example.
Thank you, Hillary. Fare well.