Let's Bring Back...Part V

Presenting: the latest installment of my Let's Bring Back series, which celebrates rituals, curiosities, and objects from times past.

It is also a quiet homage to Vogue legend Diana Vreeland's famous Why Don't You? columns.

Without further ado, Let's Bring Back ...

* * *

1. Charm school. Because 'charm' is such a foreign concept to the vast majority of Americans these days.

2. The Greek and Roman Gods. They were just so deliciously naughty and entertaining. When was the last time you could say that about Jesus Christ?

3. Tea time. Such a civilized alternative to a late-afternoon Starbucks run.

4. Card games on trains. My grandfather used to take the train between Manhattan and Larchmont every day. He and his card rivals wore fedoras and smoked and played vicious rounds of pinochle. A tad more atmospheric than the fluorescent New Haven line today (although it is still a lovely experience every time you emerge into Grand Central station ... and eating oysters there is always a delectable treat).

5. Gas-lit street lamps. Their light makes women look especially beautiful, and men appear more chiseled and romantic than ever. So very Robert Doisneau.

6. Punctuality. The advent of the cellphone/text message/Blackberry has rendered socially-acceptable the act of being perpetually ten-minutes-late. This entry is also an act of self-admonishment; I am guilty as hell of this offense.

7. Traveling trunks. Which look so impossibly glamorous when piled on a dock or a train platform - and they make wonderful pieces of furniture at home, pearls and lingerie trailing from open cloth drawers and such.

8. Un-earnest, sinister fairy tales for children. The Germans were masters at whipping up nasty, dark little stories. Children hate being condescended to, and Disney starts to taste saccharine even to the youngest of palates. A little gore and creativity goes a long way.

9. Simon Sez. It's just such a pleasing objet d'art.

10. Hourglass figures. Last week I beheld Dita von Teese slinking along in a waist-cinching crystal gown; splashing about in an oversized champagne glass; strutting up and down the stage, trailing feathers. Five minutes of her dramatic contours rendered distasteful the androgynous, emaciated figure demanded by contemporary women's fashion. Dare I say it: might we even want the corset back? Stripped of its political connotations and reintroduced in the spirit of a dangerously sensual silhouette?

11. Dumbwaiters. Truly the stuff of creaking whimsy. Wonderful places to hide from irritating relatives. Equally cunning perches from which to spy on various unsuspecting members of the household: much chicer than a nanny-cam.

12. Camera film. The trip to pick up prints from a roll of film - not knowing what you're going to get - was always filled with the most wonderful sort of anticipation.

13. Newspapers. Not gone yet ... but soon, soon.

14. Statement hats at weddings. We have too few occasions in America to wear hats, which are the most splendid mood-elevators. We're not particularly good with fanciful accessories, but weddings are joyous events and wedding hats are always exuberant. Philip Treacy makes the most memorable, whimsical ones in the world.

15. Mystery. Marlene Dietrich once wrote that elegance was "rarely found today ... women are not brought up to know about it and therefore lack even the desire to acquire it." I would say that this is doubly true of mystery.

Countless books and articles have been written in recent years, pondering the glamour of yesteryear's Hollywood stars. I argue that mystery is what set them apart and the lack of mystery desired by today's stars and bare-all bloggerettes may just doom female glamour to the ashbin of history.

Follow Lesley M. M. Blume on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lesleymmblume

Comments

[swedey]

I love these columns! I must admit that I'm too young to remember a time when most of these practices and objects existed or were plentiful but I long for them with all of my heart. Thank you Lesley!

[robXdion]

We need charm school along with a "male" test (military requirement, temporary "Lord of the Flies" style exile or something) and REAL musical artists too.

[Pythia]

Lesley, you are a kindred spirit. But along with hats, let's not forget gloves! I adore hats and gloves, recently wearing both to eulogize an 89 year old Aunt, in homage to wearing both as a little girl on weekly trips into the city to lunch with her. It is astonishing how much attention one can garner in most any part of America today simply by donning a hat or other elegant accessory. This same Aunt gave me two fox stoles and one set of stone martens (trickier to wear, little heads and all...). In all cases, once people get beyond staring, if they do comment it is entirely complimentary, often wistful of glamour gone by...

Please keep them coming!

[angelwax]

Yeah, I agree. We really could use a little class from bygone eras. It is my opinion this era has little if any class. And class for men and women both. Of course I'm a man and probably could use some class, but I probably could use a woman with a tad of class even more.

[QueenCeleste]

Yes, yes, yes, to all! (Although I will have to Google Simon Sez.)

As for corsets, they do not have to be torturous, as in the models of yesteryear. Dita von Teese is adorable and proof that one does not have to be crude or obvious to be sensuous. I will add tap pants to the list, the variety that come to the waistline and button up the side, usually of silk or satin. As a teen I used to sew my own.

Please keep these coming Lesley!

[napoleon68]

old fashioned courtesy and manners, and i am only 40! respect for adults and older people in general. parents acting like parents and not friends. i am constantly amazed at the rudeness of todays youth. not for censorship in the least, but some modicum of restraint in language and vulgarity in music would be nice as well. my wife and i differ on some of this. she is more or less in charge of our 13 year old daughter, sometimes, more friend than mom. when i put my two cents in if i think something is too inappropriate for our daughter, i get "well, we had pink floyd's dirty woman and sheena eastons sugar walls." true, but those songs did not have the f--- word every other word and not quite so in your face! at least you had to think about it first. i hear " you're a crazy b--- but you f--- so good when i'm on top." and i am the one who is the bad guy for thinking that this is not appropriate for a 13 year old?

[JScott]

There is a gaslamp district in San Diego.
And some folks are discovering vinyl all over again with manufacters turning out new records and bringing back the turntable.
Oh and Windows, Vista is so crappy.

[Cathexis]

Bring back the practice and art of "Letter Writing."

We have devolved to leaving voice messages, dashing off e-mails, or (worse) the transient IM. All methods designed to be fast and cheap.

But is that the message you want to send to the recipient: Fast and cheap?

Sure, it is great for business communication and a degree of quick, casual back and forth, but ...

Years ago, when thoughts were put to durable medium; I believe more care, attention, and thought tended to go into our missives. They were longer and deeper. Receiving a letter was a big deal and much anticipated. A person was naturally grateful to have received a true letter, perhaps knowing the time and energy that went into crafting it and accepting this as an indication of the esteem in which the writer held one. Some letters, from particularly articulate and/or witty writers, could be considered works of Literature!

But today?

Even the best e-mail tends to be dashed off. How many people bother to "edit" their messages before sending? A few Luddites such as me might, but it is obvious that most don't bother. And IMs? People can't even be bothered to spell out entire words! I suppose the abbreviations are cute, in their way, but, I submit, the practice is still telling.

Communication *has* become quick and effortless ... and in doing so, has lost much of its impact.

Bring back some of the old ways.

[fedupinohio]

HATS! We need more hats....so definitely yes to #14; though I'd expand it beyond weddings. If we were to bring back tea time, that would be a perfect spot for HATS! I have a wonderful collection of vintage hats and I love to wear them. so, ladies, wear those hats...weddings, funerals, tea time...just for fun.

[ConstanceReader]

Here here for corsets! I have a natural hourglass figure and shopping for clothes in this day and age is horrible. Everything is cut for the figure of a 14 year old girl/boy so clothing that fits my bust and hips are so baggy around the middle, I look like I'm wearing maternity clothes (and yes, perfect strangers have asked my due date).

I love my corsets. Not only are they sleek and firming under the skintight clothes I need to NOT look pregnant or dumpy, they are fabulous back support. I can't speak for all women, but old-fashioned lingerie (I've worn stockings and suspenders since junior high) make me feel incredibly womanly and sexy. Just the act of getting dressed gives me a nice emotional high.

[maribelle1963]

Well damn. While I agree wholeheartedly about the hourglass figure ("Yummy!" as John Gibson would call it) you lost me on this line:

"Dare I say it: might we even want the corset back? Stripped of its political connotations and reintroduced in the spirit of a dangerously sensual silhouette"

Holy crap--the corset is an instrument of female torture that belongs in Gitmo.

And how on earth can the corset be "stripped of it's politcal connotations"? Perhaps in the post-patriarchy--but we're a long way from there. IN fact, we've gone backwards in many ways, facial surgeries and even VAGINAL surgeries (ewww and ouch) amount to self mutilation in an attempt to recreate an unattainable standard and a "dangerously sensual" body.

It certainly can't ever be stripped of it's medical connotations--an unneccessary and potentially dangerous homage to fetishizing women's bodies.

Shall we bring back foot-binding next?

PASS ON THAT IDEA.

[tbone99]

Ditto - I mean unless men wear them too.

[Strayker]

16. Lawn darts. Fun and danger at the same time. Could create a lot of havoc and entertainment in the wrong hands.

[Trilby]

Scarey Grimms fairy tales-- yes! My mom had a theory that fear was sex for children. That delicious thrill. I remember it.

[mcquaid]

Right on No. 8! When I was a kid, we had a terrific, twin volume collection of Grimm's and Hans Christian Anderson, and lemme tell ya, those were some fairy tales! I remember reading "Snow White and Rose Red" and then seeing the Disney version of Snow White and thinking in my 6-year-old brain "What the fu.. is this nonsense?" There is nothing more delicious to a kid than seeing how horribly evil people can be as well as how clever...

[dora rice]

yes and I am so sorry that today's generation will never have that experience. The stories also taught you to have empathy for the underdog and that there is always hope. I agree with Blume .

[Noracharles1995]

Number 8 is still alive and well at our house..and so is Disney. And our kids are doing fine.

[BicycleRepairman]

Sealing wax to seal the knots on those brown paper packages tied up with string.