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It's a a shame that in our culture, being broke and unemployed with no future is often equated with being a loser.
People who used to identify success and happiness with material possessions and the ability to acquire them at whim, are understandably having problems dealing with prevailing economic setbacks.
Upon having their credit declined at the apple store when attempting to buy the newest iPhone, some have spiraled into depressions so deep, only a Lexapro/Klonopin cocktail can help them. Sadly, these people are usually the ones who gave up their health insurance a few months ago to buy the last lastest iPhone. As a result, a large portion of the population could descend into a black hole of despair that's not only fiscal, but mental.
Fortunately, all it takes is a slight shift in attitude and behavior to turn the stigma of being broke, into an attribute to be admired.
The Gandhi maneuver
Say you used to dress in the latest from the top designers and now everything you own is so hopelessly two months ago you've gone into hiding. Throw on an old sheet and tell anyone who will listen that it suddenly occurred to you that all those ridiculously expensive designer clothes brought you no happiness and were merely expensive cover ups for a gaping hole in your spirit.
If you see someone wearing the Christian Leboutin shoes that you would have coveted before your "vow of poverty," mention that for the same price, the proud owner could feed a starving Somalian family for a year. See how quickly you can re-spin your poverty into moral superiority. Don't worry, it's not irrevocable. If you get your financial bearings back, you can shop 'til you drop for the hottest designer sheets and matching accessories.
Volunteering
Now that you have nothing better to do, volunteering for a worthy non-profit organization is a great way to network, add to your resume and appear to give a damn about people less fortunate than yourself (find a cause). Tell everyone that you're tired of working for the big corporate machine, chasing the dollar to feed your shallow addictions and you want to pursue an area where you can really make a positive impact on the world.
Choose an organization that you either feel passionately about, or one that confers status on you. If you're opposed to manual labor, find a volunteer project that utilizes your preferred skill set and requires lots of dinner meetings. If you miraculously find gainful employment while you're in the middle of a project, you can always bail at the last minute. The starving children you were going to help will understand that you're incredibly busy getting your new work wardrobe together.
Environmental activism
Repeat after me: "I'm not living in a tree because I got evicted due to non-payment of rent or my mortgage. I'm living in a tree to make an environmental statement because I'm socially and environmentally aware and I have the balls to DO something about it."
The pros of tree sitting: Free rent. No utility bills. Well-meaning environmentalists will bring you food (free food.)
The cons of tree sitting: Free food is usually vegan. In order to maintain your integrity as an activist, you've got to stay up there. It can get pretty boring. But during daylight hours you'll have plenty of time to do some research and find out why sitting in a tree contributes to the environment.
Getting started
Nothing is easier than spinning your newly acquired poverty into socially conscious altruism once you get the hang of it. Here are a few things you need to tell yourself in order to begin the transformation.
Your electricity is off because you're tired of being held hostage to the energy companies.
You've started taking public transportation to reduce your carbon footprint and to experience life amongst the masses.
You're boycotting Wall Street by not using your credit cards (no need to mention they've all been canceled). You refuse to pay into a corrupt system.
You've eschewed personal grooming in order to shed the superficialities that society has imposed on you and focus on developing your inner beauty. Or just complain how all the grooming products are animal cruel, environmentally bad or owned by an evil corporation.
You're not getting health insurance until everyone gets it (nobody has to know you mean that literally.)
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"If you get your financial bearings back, you can shop 'til you drop for the hottest designer sheets and matching accessorie
I am seriously in the spot that you are joking about..buy
Your attitude is admirable. But you'll never get a job on Wall Street or with the Fed with that kind of thinking.
Absolutely right ... in the financial sector, common sense (let alone hard-earned wisdom) is regarded as prohibitive overqualification. There's a reason the E*Trade baby quit investment banking and went out on his own: way too smart. (How smart?? Well, he never even tried to get with Bernie)
I think I get how this works. I'm stealing my brother's percodan to spare him from the pain of addiction. I no longer wear fur to spare the poor innocent forest creatures, not because I had to sell them. Is there a way of turning shoplifting into something lofty and socially conscious?
You catch on quick. The shoplifting issue is difficult even for experienced do-gooders. There are a couple of ways you can approach it. Either only shoplift from companies known to be bad for the world/envi
How about we just stop calling it "shoplifting" and refer to it as "product liberation?" Isn't that what the republicans would do?
Once again your column has hit the hail on the ned. I can only think of one helpful comment to add, which is my recommendation that your readers hang onto those credit cards...ev
If I were you, I'd keep that helpful tidbit under your hat. .if the credit card companies find out that you're still using their cards, they'll probably tack on another a service charge
This post was well written. It's so funny.
What's even funnier is that I actually know REAL people who sound like
this, but I've suspected for along time it was all a front.
Thanks, Linda. To be fair, maybe some of the people you know really have undergone a spiritual transformation. It's possible they've accepted the possibility of a higher power and they're sucking up to him/her in case they need to atone for something later.
I don't have a credit card. I really don't. I don't believe in living beyond your means.
Also, it's one of the things that's bankrupted your country.
Bankrupted OUR country? This isn't Iceland. I couldn't be nearly so witty without my Amex in my hip pocket.
You're very wise. Are you sure you're an American?
American. Well, now we're on the road to recovering our reputation and don't have a vice president who uses the constitution as toilet paper - and convinces POTUS to do the same - then, yes, I suppose I can admit it - I'm an American! (Wow, I've never felt so Republican
Oh, and tree sitting? I'm still trying to get the splinters out of my ----ummmm--- resume.
I tried tree sitting once. It's a hell of a lot better than baby sitting.
I prefer babysitting. You get paid, the food is generally better and you get to catch up on all the episodes of Weeds you missed since they turned off your cable.
Well, I never looked at it that way. I was always concentrating on the kids....I knew I was doing something wrong...
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