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Leslie Goldman

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What Do Babies Think of the New Baby Food Diet?

Posted: 05/11/10 11:14 AM ET

Oh, baby, have I got a juicy weight loss tip for you!

Envious over Jennifer Aniston's bodacious bottom? Crave her toned quads and cut upper arms? Looks like her secret may not be found in high-priced gyms or the lipo doc's office, but in the baby food aisle of your local Super Target.

The movie star is currently rumored to be following the Baby Food Diet, the brainchild of trainer-to-the-stars Tracy Anderson, also responsible for Madonna's sinewy arms.

"I developed a cleanse where you can still eat and it's a lot of puree foods. I was very careful about the foods I chose to put in it," Tracy told Hollyscoop.com. "When you do these liquid cleanses I felt a responsibility to come up with something. Liquid cleanses do help you lose weight but you will gain more the next week. I wanted something where you can eliminate toxicity, break bad habits but still have your digestive system going. That is when the baby food cleanse was born."

Apparently, the Baby Food Diet calls for eating 14 servings of baby food a day, followed by a healthy adult dinner.

Um, this is called an eating disorder, Tracy, not a diet. In fact, I've heard from more than a handful of anorexics who told me they ate baby food as way to keep their weight down. But I'm not a doctor, so I decided to go straight to the source for the straight scoop on why Anderson decide to turn Brad Pitt's ex into the next Gerber Baby: My local Gymboree. I spoke with four babies and, with their permission, am printing our interview below:

Leslie Goldman: Good morning, babies! Thanks so much for taking the time to chat with me this morning.

Babies: Goo! Gurrrrr. (Assorted spittle.)

LG: So, what does everyone think about Jennifer Aniston's Baby Food Diet?

Skinny Baby: You know, there is such pressure to be thin these days. Every girl baby I know wants to fit into a Size 6-12 month onesie when they're already 2T. Diapers add five pounds, minimum, and when you only weigh 15 pounds, that's a huge percentage.

Sarcastic Baby: Is she stupid? Every baby I know is pudgy. Have she ever seen a naked baby? Jesus, my legs look like I have rubber bands squeezing my thighs, knees and ankles.

LG: Basically, she eats about a dozen jars of baby food a day, then a normal dinner. Thoughts?

Hungry Baby: I would kill for a normal dinner. Every time my mom turns her head, I lunge for her Chipotle burrito like a champion badminton player diving for the shuttlecock.

Bulimic Baby: I think I'm going to projectile vomit.

LG: That's funny you should say that, Baby Bulimic, because I recently sampled baby food at a baby shower, and it smelled and tasted like vomit.

Hungry Baby: Oh yeah, all the meat flavors taste like puke. Chicken and pasta is pretty nasty, too. Even the fruit flavors are cloyingly sweet and hard to choke down. Does anyone have any breast milk or cereal puffs? I'm starving

Skinny Baby: Yeah, but if you close your eyes and pretend, the strawberry flavor could almost pass for Starbursts, which are totally fat-free.

Sarcastic Baby: I can't believe anyone, given the chance, would eat this pig slop voluntarily. And you wonder why I'm always trying to chew my hand.

LG: Does anyone have anything positive to say about this diet?

Bulimic Baby: Baby food prunes will really clear you out.

Sarcastic Baby: This liquid crap isn't making anyone skinny anytime soon. Look at me: My cheeks are as massive as ever, and I ain't talkinbout my face, knowhatImsayin'? Renée Zellweger should start eating baby food to plump up for Bridget Jones's Diary Part 16.

Hungry Baby: (Screaming, red-faced and crying)

Skinny Baby: (Passed out)

For a funny account of a what a day on the Baby Food Diet is really like, click here.

This blog was originally posted at NeverSayDiet

 
 
 

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