Would You Wear the "I Was Raped" Tee?

Nowadays, people use tee-shirts to proclaim everything from the snarky ("Yoga is for Posers") to the political ("Barack the Vote!") to the totally silly (a baby onesie reads, "I'm told I like golf.") A few years ago, I met and interviewed a trio of young female eating disorder survivors who turned their struggles into a fashion statement with Angel Strength tees -- tops read "I am beautiful" on the front, "no matter what they say" on the back, an homage to their favorite singer's pro-self esteem song. In a market saturated with sometimes vulgar and self-deprecating slogan shirts, these girls were working to make sure there's a positive message on the market, too.

Thirty-seven-year-old Jennifer Baumgardner, a well-known feminist activist and author of Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism And The Future has upped the ante considerably with a new wearable multimedia rape awareness project. In line with Sexual Assault Awareness month, her new tops picture an open safe, but instead of money inside, the statement "I was raped" sits on a tiny card. Though she has not been sexually assaulted herself, Baumgardner is intending to pass the shirts out to women across college campuses (you can also get it at sex-ed site Scarleteen.com)

Some of you may recall Baumgardner's name from a similar project three years back, when she produced controversial tees that proclaimed "I Had An Abortion." Singer Ani DiFranco, Gloria Steinem and many, many others wore the shirt, including a slew of young women at Take Back the Nights across the country. According to today's New York Times article, Planned Parenthood sold hundreds of the "abortion" tees within days (they did not renew the order when it sold out, however, as the top sparked too much controversy among chapters).

As for the "I was raped" shirt, Baumgardner told the New York Times, "So many people who've been raped tend to doubt the experience. I do think it's often empowering for women and men to own that experience and divest themselves of some of the shame and secrecy of it -- and realize that they're not the ones that should be ashamed." The intended impact of the shirt is to provide a release for those who wear it -- it's not so much a shouted proclamation as it is a revealing of what, for so many women, is a shackled secret.

Not too long ago, I wrote of my own sexual assault which happened nine years ago. At age 22, sleeping alone in a hotel room following a graduate school dance I had attended with my then-boyfriend, a man I did not know entered my room while everyone else partied into the early morning hours. He woke me by kissing me on the mouth; once he started groping my breasts, I realized something was very, very wrong. I opened my eyes to find a shirtless stranger above me. A quick scan down confirmed his pants were on, belt unbuckled.

Though I was not raped, the assault has left a horrifying indelible imprint on my life. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder set in almost immediately. Two nights post-attack, I wet my bed. I had vivid flashbacks and would shoot high into the air if touched even slightly while sleeping. It took weeks for me to get the feeling of his hand off my right breast, where it remained like the bright flash of a photo being taken.

Nearly a decade later, I still cannot sleep. Blood-curdling nightmares and sheet-soaking sweats wake me nightly. As for the attacker? He received the proverbial wrist slap and within a year, his record was expunged.

I am open about my experience, because, like Baumgardner, I believe that speaking about one's experiences -- particularly the difficult ones -- helps dispel the stigma and encourages others to come forward. I do not have any sort of shirt notifying the world around me of my assault, though I do often wear a silver, rectangular pendant that reads, simply, FEARLESSNESS. It was created by actress Mariska Hargitay and Me&Ro Jewelry as part of Hargitay's Joyful Heart Foundation, which is dedicated to helping survivors of sexual assault in the healing process. After a few weeks of explaining to people what it meant, I simply started saying, "It's for a sexual assault awareness organization founded by the star of Law & Order: SVU." I figured they could infer the rest of the story.

But the mere act of wearing my FEARLESSNESS did more that raise awareness. It made me feel stronger. I would find myself rubbing the pendant absentmindedly, like some people spin their wedding ring or twirl a ringlet or hair. The necklace turned dark and smooth from wear. Proof that I was mastering my fear.

Some people get a tattoo to commemorate a special event; others pen their memoirs. I craved something tangible that would show the world I was moving on. Perhaps some will find the same solace and empowerment in this tee-shirt. Scarleteen.com offers a number of reasons for wearing the "I was raped," including "Because wearing it invites conversation about a silenced experience that so many women and men share," "Because naming what has happened is the first step toward changing the reality of rape," and "Because legal redress is rarely served, so it's crucial to find our own justice and acknowledgment."

But I also fear how others will respond. Will parents cover their childrens' eyes -- the very reaction the shirt rallies against? Will some idiot man make an ugly, ignorant remark? Will the woman wearing it feel so self-conscious that others are staring at such a loaded message -- emblazoned across her chest -- that she folds her arms and prays for a sweater? Part of me wonders if confronting your local barista with a pink "I was raped" tee as your order you morning latte is the way to go.

Then again, if the woman wearing it feels emboldened by it, who cares? If women feel strengthened by their ability to step forward and let others know that they -- we -- have survived an all-too-common occurrence (one out of every six U.S. women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime, according to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) and are now thriving, then hasn't the goal been accomplished?

If you were raped, would you wear it? Does it encourage a much-needed dialogue or will it simply mark the wearer with a scarlet R?

Comments

[Foryourconsideration]

I am a date-rape survivor, and... No, I wouldn't wear this t-shirt. I can see where you're trying to go with this, but such personal information is not something I share until I know whether or not I'm respected in a situation. Advertising personal information is not the best way to gain respect, IMO.

I am also a mother of 2 teenage sons, both of whom have received comprehensive sexual education through our UU church in the Our Whole Lives curriculum - EXCELLENT program! I teach them as well, of course, and I focus on masturbation as a healthy way for teens to sexually express themselves, respect in all situations, and everyone has the undeniable right to say "STOP" at any point in a sexual encounter, and for no reason at all. Sexual education which focuses on respect is sorely needed in today's culture!!!

[S1m0n]

For everyone who's outraged at the shirt, we'll make an "I wasn't raped" T shirt you can buy, instead.

[Idytme]

I don't think outraged is the right term. I think the people who made this shirt got a lot of publicity for it, but I do not see how it could empower any woman who wears it (unless she is wearing it at a Take Back the Night or other like event).
How about something that gives women power like, "I am a survivor".
No one likes to be a walking billboard for the entire world (that includes all perps) to judge, especially with such a misconstrued crime like rape.
"I am always mugged"
"My house was robbed"
"My boyfriend hits me"
Education *is* the key to getting people to talk about this and getting it out of the shadows. That doesn't mean that this shirt is a good way to do it. I cannot imagine a less empowering way to do that than this.

[PhillyQuaker]

How about...I was raped and now I can't get health insurance!

Some rape victims turn to drugs and booze to numb the pain and forget about the horrors of the experience.

Some become problem drinkers and users. Some end up with PTSD. If you show on your application for health insurance that you have had any kind of substance abuse problems, or emotional issues, you will be denied coverage.

[wildflowermaven]

I haven't been raped, but I did once stop a rape in progress (long story but basically my roommate was being attacked by male friend and I got between them and got this extranormal (adrenalin fueled?) strength and held him off, and we called the police). Anyway, after that, which was itself a big shock to my system, several friends and acquaintances confided in me that they had been raped. I was shocked, I had no idea that any of these women had had this experience. So if the T-shirt makes people realize that rape happens all too frequently, and to people of all types, then I think its great. Would think it would be too painful for many to wear however.

[corymac]

The Department of Justice needs to create a special department within itself that spcecifically focuses on sexual assault and rape investigations. Just like the Justice Department has the Drug Enforcement Agency for illegal narcotics investigations, it needs to have a special department for sexual assault and rape investigations. Present statistics are a s follows: An average of 1 in 6 women report being raped every year. However, seeing as how most rapes are not reported, it is estimated that actually 1 in 4 women are raped every year. And, in the rape cases that are reported, the conviction rate is about 5 or 6 percent. I believe this low conviction rate is why many women don't report their rapes. They know there will probably be no conviction, so why bother? If men were being raped with such frequency and the conviction rate was that low, I believe most of the Justice Department's investigative resources would be geared toward bringing those rapists to justice. I believe that if the Department of Justice created a special agency for investigating sexual assault and rape, state and local law enforcement agencies would follow suit, just as they have done with illegal narcotics investigations (i.e. the drug task-forces they have set up). Think of a woman in your life; your mother, daughter, wife, sister, aunt, niece, etc. In our society today, she stands a very good chance of being raped and very little chance of being served any justice for that rape.

[rbryanh]

I'll wear one if only to challenge the assumption that all rape victims are women, but I think I'd like mine to be a bit more specific: "I was raped by a Catholic priest."

[Lo34]

Thanks for adding that point, rbryanh - not all victims are female, by any stretch. I should've clarified that in the piece. The shirt is marketed towards women but men suffer as well. -Leslie

[MadeinAmericaProud]

The mother in this country have control over their future men have control over them for years.
What we have are mothers failing to do a job that will be a product to be proud of. Even poor women allow their sons to be exposed to information think they are making a man out the boy babies. The current trend babies having babies. 4million young with STD. We just might have the #1 record but nobody is saying it.

So to now think it is OK to push women of all ages to wear a sign saying I was a victim, now with brain impairment so this mens I can be victimized again from the sign I paid to put on my body.

I time to check into the nut house immediately ladies. You need help badly. A sign on your body is not the answer. Some of these outfits young girls are wearing are also big sign. I am older than a teenager, I am women so men talk to me, I want your attention. Mothers and mothers to be, you all need training on the development of just common senses. the signs when put together in a man mind that is not fully developed can cause more problems no one in your thinking cap group has considered
not a good idea.
I am sexy,
I am a bitch,
I want it now and I want it all
these plus many more for sale no good..

[j.gold]

There should be a place on the shirt to name the rapist. If someone raped me I would write it in big letters (after I killed them that is.)